Just another perfect day...

Eff You, Cancer!

2012-01-26T19:22:00.000-08:00

Me and my Lo

Back in 1997, I volunteered my time to act as a camp counselor at Camp Quality (now Camp Wapiyapi), a camp for kids with cancer and their sibs.

I was partnered up with an 8 year-old boy who had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma; he was just slightly older than my own kids. After wrangling three children aged between three and six, I figured I was pretty well prepared to chase after one boy with cancer.

Ha!

From the moment we met, Lo and I just clicked and he kept me on my toes the entire week. We all lived together in communal bunk houses, each counselor and camper paired up in bunk beds. One day, Lo ran into the bunk house to change out of his wet shirt - there were a lot of wet shirts thanks to the abundance of water guns - and one of the other counselors was in there when Lo whipped off his shirt, exposing his chemo ports on his chest. The counselor looked at him and said, "Lo, I didn't know you were sick."

Lo looked at him like he was an idiot and said, "I'm not sick! I just have cancer." And then promptly raced back outside to continue to play.

The whole week I played like a kid and fell a little in love with Lo.

After camp was over, I turned him back over to his mom, who I also fell in love with. No matter how much I tried, there was no way I could even imagine what it had to have been like in her place. Single mom, no contact with the sperm donor, and an otherwise healthy kid suddenly diagnosed with a horrible life-changing disease.

We kept in touch; I made the drive to visit him and his mom a couple of times that year. Digger began to refer to him as the older brother who didn't live with us. Lo got progressively worse, to the point that he ended up getting his wish granted by the Make-A-Wish Foundation. When his mom called to tell me that Make-A-Wish had contacted them, my heart broke. For me, up until that point, Lo's cancer was still very abstract. I knew he had cancer, but I didn't have to deal with it day in and day out like his mom.

She wasn't calling to break my heart, though. She was calling to tell me that Lo wanted me to go with them on his Wish Trip to Disney World and that the Foundation had approved me to join them.

In January of 1998, we headed off to Disney World. The limo picked us up at Lo's house and drove us to the airport, where we flew to Kissimmee, Florida. Give Kids The World is a village specially designed for kids with terminal illnesses; they provided us our "house" for the week, which acted as our base of operations.

Just like at camp, I spent the entire week playing like a kid. Only, this time, I was pushing Lo around in a wheelchair. Oh Lord, did he hate that. That child despised being singled out as "that kid with cancer" and he felt like the wheelchair advertised the fact. We let him go the first day without the wheelchair and he had such bad leg cramps that night and was so exhausted that we were able to talk him into it the rest of the trip.

I returned from Disney World with a heavy heart. Even though we'd had a great time, I knew that only kids who were terminal got granted wishes. Telling him goodbye to come back home was horrible.

But then he went into remission.

And went to Camp Wapiyapi in 1998. I couldn't get the time off to be his counselor again, but I met him and his mom at camp to see him off at the beginning of the week and picked him up at the end of the week. When Camp Quality became Camp Wapiyapi, they changed venues, which worked out even better for me. Camp was now in Allenspark, about two miles from the Lodge, so I stopped in to see him during the week. I'm not so sure that his "new" counselor appreciated it, but since it meant I got to see my Lo, I did it anyway.

I picked him up from camp and took him for a trail ride at the livery and headed back to town to meet his mom to go to the Bill Engvall show. I did the one thing Lo hated. I pulled the cancer card to get him back stage to meet Mr. Engvall. I hadn't seen Lo so mad in the time I'd known him. He crossed his arms, sat his skinny butt down on a bench and refused to talk to me. And refused to talk to me. And refused to talk to me.

Until they called us backstage and Mr. Engvall greeted us with a big smile and hugs.

Only then did Lo forgive me for pulling the cancer card.

Since that time, we don't spend that much time together. Life got really busy for both of us and he started to get healthier and healthier.

I don't see him a couple of times a year anymore, instead I see him every couple of years.

He graduated high school the year RCC and I met, so we drove out to see his graduation.

The following year, RCC and I got married, so Lo and his mom drove out to our reception.

Today, I got a call from his mom. "Is this really Lo's mom?" I answered the phone after seeing her name show up on my caller ID. My heart stuttered between being happy to hear from her and dreading potentially bad news.

"Yes it is!" she answered cheerfully. "Does your mom still own the Lodge?"

Now, there is pretty much only one reason people call to see if Mom and Bill still have the Lodge and that's because they're getting married. The only question I had was, which of them was getting married? Lo or his mom?

My Lo. My little Lo, who will forever be 8 years-old in my mind, is getting married.

Excuse me, I'm getting a bit verklempt.

Assume

2012-01-22T09:31:00.000-08:00

We all know what assume means? It means you make an ass out of, well, just me.

Digger moved back home in June with the whole pregnancy scare thing. All American, who is Digger's best friend, moved in just after Thanksgiving when he and his live-in girlfriend broke up. (<-- not quite sure how that happened; the moving in part, not the breaking up part. His ex is a bitch to the extreme and I would gladly run her fake-tanned, bottle-blond, bitchy ass over. Take the worst of Teen Moms and triple it, that's All American's ex.)

So, the other night, RCC and I were already in bed when I heard the boys come home about midnight. I had just gotten enough sleep that it woke me up and I couldn't immediately go back to sleep. The boys were wound up and they had obviously brought people home with them, which started the slow simmer of my temper. RCC and I had to work in the morning and they were down stairs laughing and having a good time.

I was starting to get cranky, but still didn't want to exert the energy to get up, get dressed and go kick some 20 year-old ass, but the thought kept growing.

I start to fall back to sleep and I hear it, "psshh", a can being opened, some giggles and another can being opened. Oh, hell no! Those boys are not downstairs drinking beer in my house!

My slow simmer started gaining momentum and I thought even more seriously about getting out of bed, getting dressed and going down to kick some 20 year old ass. But then, even that thought pissed me off - why should I have to get up, get dressed, and go kick some ass? Those ingrates should have some respect! I compromised, I picked up my phone and texted All American, told him to keep it down. I sent Digger a message telling him to rein in his boys before I had to do it.

About four a.m., I was D-O-N-E. I shot up out of bed, startling RCC, and started getting dressed to go kick some 20 year old ass.

And then I heard the front door shut and it got quiet, so, ass-kicking got a bye and I went back to bed, still fuming about the audacity of those ingrates bringing friends home for drink and debauchery. I went to bed knowing that this is what my living room would look like in the morning...

Imagine my surprise when I finally dragged my exhaused self out of bed for work and saw piles of this instead...

Did you know that the sound of a Dr. Pepper being opened is exactly like the sound of cheap beer?

Oops.

Two Elbutts for Mr. Daddy

2012-01-18T09:59:00.000-08:00

Mr. Daddy's in surgery today, having his traitorous, cancerous thyroid removed so he can live a long and happy life with his wonderful wife and children.

While I was texting Rachel this morning, we got to talking about elbutts. You know, elbow butts, because she had posted a big ole hairy elbutt of Mr Daddy's on Facebook earlier in the week. The thread had started about Redneck Crack and went downhill from there...

Photo Cred: Rachel

...ending up with elbutt.

And I realized, as we were texting back and forth about such mature subjects, as two full-grown women are wont to do, that when assuming this position...(get y'all's minds outta the gutter...this is serious, right here!)

Sorry about the pixelation, I thought this was a vector image.
Photo cred: iStock Photo

AnyprayinforMrDaddy, I realized that when you assumed the position. The prayin' position, that is, you actually have TWO elbutts!

Thus,

Feel free to steal for your own blogs...
I don't know how to do the cool html code-y thingy,
Sorry.

Love you Mr. Daddy, Rachel, and Itty Bit. Sending Two Elbutts your way!

The EL/EM diet vs the EM/EM diet - WTF?

2012-01-15T12:54:00.000-08:00

Beel, for years, has said he's going to make a million bucks by writing a book called the EL/EM diet. That would be, Eat Less/Exercise More diet. Which is the key to losing weight, but it's not what people want to hear. We all want a quick weight-loss solution, which is why it's a multi-million dollar industry.

The EL/EM diet worked for me for 26#, at which point I plateaued with a lot of pounds to go. My body said, "I'm happy where I'm at, thankyouverymuch." And I said, "I don't give a damn, I need to lose more weight." And, well, we got into a bit of a snit with each other, with the body winning.

And then I got the Bodybugg; I could track calories burned, which I did for six weeks, but I never really bought into the whole food diary thing. And I stayed plateau'd. My body told me, "Nanner, nanner, nanner, I told you I'm happy where I'm at." At which point, I said some very not pleasant things to my body, who smuggly gained five pounds just to make her point. She's a real bitch, that one.

So I took my problem to my fellow Buggers (yes, that's what we're called) and they told me I now had to follow the EM/EM diet. Eat More/Exercise More diet.

W.

T.

F.?

Seems counter-intuitive, but the way it was explained to me makes perfect sense. At some point, you're body's going to stick it's tongue out at you (I told you she was a bitch) and plateau. She's found some sort of balance, but it's a tricky balance. You decrease what you eat (Eat Less) and increase your exercise (Exercise More), which in turn increases your caloric deficit (what you burn - what you eat = deficit). Make that deficit too big (over 1,000 cals/day) and she goes into starvation panic mode. Instead of burning calories, ~~that crazy bitch~~ your body starts storing calories and the scale begins to creep up.

The fix? Promise ~~the crazy bitch~~ your body that you're not starving her to death and start giving her more calories to burn (Eat More), then start burning those calories (Exercise More).

I increased my caloric intake by 400 calories/day and increased my calorie burn about 300 calories/day and dropped 2.5# in one week after being plateau'd for almost six months.

Seeing that loss has energized me in a way nothing else has been able to. I'm actually enjoying going to the gym (but I miss ~~The Little Bastard~~ El Poquito Diablo like you wouldn't believe) and seeing my progress on the Bodybugg program. In fact, as soon as I wrap up my posts here, I'm headed to the gym for an hour and I'll go back tonight when RCC gets off of work.

We're Thinking of You, Mr. D and Rachel

2012-01-08T18:07:00.000-08:00

I wish I could take credit for the new button on my side bar, but credit goes completely to Foursons and My Four Bubs.

Rachel and Mr. Daddy, this is just a little something to let you know we love you and we're thinking of you. Hopefully it will bring a smile to your faces.

If anyone would like to steal the button to post on their own blog, please feel free. Just copy and paste the code under the picture.

Resolution Check-in

2012-01-01T14:02:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd look back at those pesky old resolutions I had for 2011 and see how well I did with them. Should be interesting.

#1 Be healthier. My goal was to lose 40# by my 40th birthday. FAIL!
#2 Write, write, write. Finish HUNTED LYON. WIN! Start on LYON'S ROAR. FAIL!
#3 Spend more time with my little girl. WIN! Never mind that some of that more time was 'round the clock care when she colicked, but it still counts. And I *did* take exactly two riding lessons to learn how to cue better.
#4 Continue my Master's program. FAIL!
#5 Be a better person. DRAW. There were times when I had a handle on it, and there were times when I failed spectacularly. Like when I told my big boss that he was screwing our students over by taking away a classroom for our free GED program. What I said: "I think our tuition-paying students are getting screwed by losing that classroom." What I should have said: "I'm concerned about how our tuition-paying students will react to the loss of a classroom, and subsequently, the decrease in the number of classes we can offer each mod." However, that was the biggest foot-meet-mouth moment I had with my boss this year, so maybe I should call it a win.

I don't feel too badly about my 2011 resolutions. Maybe when I look back at my 2012 "goals", I'll feel even better.

How's everyone else feel about their 2011 resolutions? Did you meet them or not? Was it a draw year, like mine?

2011 Comes to an End

2011-12-31T22:43:00.000-08:00

Holy Cow! Another year down. How does it happen so fast? Not quite as fast as the kids growing up, but still pretty fast.

All in all, 2011 was a pretty good year for me. Heck, I actually finished - all the way to The End - my first novel. I'll be flying high on that for a while. I think that was probably my biggest accomplishment.

I lost 26# and gained back 5# over the holidays. Oops. I guess I should be glad it was only 5# I gained back; last year I gained a whole lot more than that. When I started at the gym in February, I had a grandiose idea of losing 40# by my 40th birthday. We all know that didn't happen. In fact, I've been plateaued since my birthday (well, except for my very recent 5# gain), but I still feel a sense of accomplishment that I was able to lose 21#. In 2012, I'll be working on losing the rest of the weight.

It was a tough year with the kids. I've not posted about it, because they're at an age where I think they deserve their privacy about some of the things they're going through. But let me tell you, the last three months have been so hard with (and for) them. I hope we all get through it intact in 2012.

I don't really want to formalize my goals as "resolutions", since I rarely meet my resolutions. But I will share a couple of goals:

revise/edit HUNTED LYON, send it for copy edit/layout by June
revise/edit/publish (probably self-pub) TALES FROM THE TRAIL
increase my riding ability; learn more leg cues
continue to increase my fitness/lose weight

Not a lot of goals, but I think they are attainable.

I'd add "win the PowerBall", but that's kind of out of my control. But that would be one goal I'd love to meet. :)

Happy New Year, everyone. I hope 2012 is better than you dreamed.

It's Been Awhile

2011-12-27T19:01:00.000-08:00

Long enough, that I don't actually remember my last post. Yeah, sorry about that.

Anytoolazytoreadmyownlastpost, I have some crazy randomness that is my family. In fact, I told Ashinator that she may have lost her spot as the funniest (Digger is going to kill me for that comment) one-line dealer in the family. Nebalee's youngest is only three, but dang, is she a funny kid.

Exhibit A:
While riding Estes with her, Estes gave a hefty old farmer's blow and blew horsie boogers all over the place. I was really glad we were riding and not in front of her - we would have been covered in horse boogs. When I told Asset that was gross, she said, "I jus' pick my nose an' eat my boogers." Then she shrugged her shoulders, tossed her hair back and said, "I'm jus' a little girl, I can eat all the boogers I want."

Well, hell, who can argue with that logic?

Exhibit B:
During the second weekend of baking, toward the end of the day, Asset came running into the kitchen, crying. Nebalee dropped down to her knees and asked her what was wrong.
"I jus' burned my finger a little bit."
"Let me see. How did you burn your finger?" Nebalee asked.
"I jus' burned my finger a little bit on a flashlight."
"Well, let me kiss it better then," Nebalee offered.
"No, Mom! Kisses don't make it better! Ice does!"

Again, who can argue with that logic? Especially if she's right.

I'm kind of thinking Asset should get her own blog, "Shit my 3 year-old niece says". But that would be just one more blog I'd neglect, so maybe not.

Other random thing:
On the packaging for my toilet paper, it very proudly announces that it is "flushable and septic safe". Really? I didn't know they made toilet paper that wasn't flushable. Hmm. Who knew?

Really?!

2011-12-21T21:58:00.000-08:00

I had to call the child support folks today and while I was listening to all of the options, I heard this...

"Blah, blah, blah, press 1.
Blah, blah, blah, press 2,
Blah, blah, blah, press 3,
Blah, blah, blah, press 4,
If you are deaf, press 5"

Stop, rewind.

"If you are deaf, press 5"

Yep, I heard it right.

*shaking head*

Ashinator's 19!

2011-12-13T18:02:00.000-08:00

Yep, that's my "adult" daughter in her footie pajamas.

Can you believe it?

Heck with you guys - I don't quite believe it. The little girl who once (once, who am I kidding?) laid her hand ever-so-gently on her Grandpa Tom's arm, batted her hazel eyes, and said, "But, Grandpa, you're so strong, you can get them for me!" as she pointed at the cookies on top of the fridge after being told no she couldn't have any, is now nineteen.

This weekend, while baking, Auto Bot asked Ashinator how old she was going to be. When Ashinator told her nineteen, Auto Bot made Ashee's day by exclaiming, "You're an adult!"

Poor Ashinator. Today her aunt dropped of a birthday gift card to a grocery store and Ash was thrilled! At first. Then she realized how pathetic it was to get excited over a gift card to a grocery store - even if it meant she could now afford the ingredients for her birthday tacos. Welcome to being an "adult", Ashinator.

When I was her age, I was newly married (just a month) to a man who turned out to be an alcoholic and who has a horrible inherited disease that he passed on to the kids. While I wish she had a job and was truly living on her own, instead of with my dad, I'm thrilled that she's not in the same place I was at her age.

Happy birthday, Ashinator!

And thank you for not doing to me what I did to my mother :)

Love you, Pretty Girl.

Baking Weekend, Day 1: My Super Secret Baking Project

2011-12-11T11:16:00.000-08:00

My girls came!

Robs, Sue, Staci, Me :)
I love my girls.

They did lots of this...

This is Robs' double batch in a single batch bowl -
I was super impressed she managed.

And this...

Which resulted in these...

They were baking machines.
(Yes, SGG, there was alcohol involved)

I did zero cookie baking. Zero. I kinda felt bad about it, but I was focused on a project I've been contemplating for two years now. I don't even know where I first saw these Snow Globe Coca-Cola Cupcakes, but ever since I saw them, I've been wondering if I could pull something like that off.

I mean, look at them...

Photo cred: Bakerella

In fact, I was pretty sure I couldn't pull them off, but I've been getting braver in the kitchen. Last year, we had success with the bococcini.

So I gathered up my courage and hit the stores looking for what I would need: Coke in the "ornament" plastic bottles, rolled fondant, an edible pen, and a red sugar sheet. I followed the directions that I found on Bakerella.

I used the bears on the wrappers as inspiration.

Beel even got in on the act...

See the bandaid on the back of his hand?
Yeah, I wasn't sure that I should allow him to use a knife.
I'm happy to report that he still has all of his fingers.

I even tried the Cola Cake recipe that Bakerella linked to. It was one jacked up recipe. I've never baked cupcakes from scratch, but I'm a direction following fool. I read the recipe a couple of times, and then obsessively referred to it while I was making the cake stuff.

Butter, veggie oil, cocoa, and Coke.
It's not quite as gross as it sounds.

I brought that crazy concoction to a boil and added it to the dry ingredients, which included a cup and a half of marshmallows...

It didn't taste too bad,
for a diabetic coma in a bowl.

I then baked up a batch of the cupcakes. They were awful. They fell, which was a bummer. But they didn't taste so wonderful either. Plan B - store-bought Devil's Food cake mix. Win!!

While I was waiting for Nebalee to come up to the lodge with my Plan B, I worked on the fondant. Oh God, what a disaster that was. The store must have put out last year's fondant, because it was a brick. I had to break it open and scoop out the inside just to have any to work with.

I lost easily half of the fondant I bought - the outside was unuseable.

Staci and Little Miss 'Mantha helped make the fondant bears.

Staci was a bear making fiend! I made two. She whipped out the rest. Wait...Nebalee made the little cub. Aren't they cute?

I used the red sugar sheet to cut out their scarves,
instead of the fondant recommended by Bakerella.

Auto Bot and Kyzzer helped me prep the snow globes...

We sprayed the inside of the bottles with sugar water
and then the kids sprinkled them with sugary thingies.

Mom and Nebalee put snow on the cupcakes after I frosted them...

And then I got to assemble...

Oh. My. God.
I can't tell you how thrilled I am with them!

They're not quite as polished as the ones at Bakerella, but then, neither am I. I'm so not a professional baker - I'm pretty sure that once-a-year baking doesn't count - but I am beside-myself-excited about these cupcakes!

I'll post about the rest of Baking Weekend when I come down from my cupcake success high.

Baking Weekend Is Almost Here!

2011-12-08T20:28:00.000-08:00

I was trying to figure out how long we've been doing Baking Weekend, which started out as Baking Day.

It's been a long time; almost as long as Mom and Bill have owned the Lodge, so this must be our 13th year. The first year was My Girls and Hall (my ex-boyfriend); the following year we added to our "menu" and the number of bakers grew. Thirteen years is a long time for a tradition - we've been through break-ups, marriages, and children. Some of the bakers come and go, but at the core of it has always been My Girls.

Me, Robs, Staci. Missing Sue...not sure where she was hiding

During a relatively calm part of the day...

I've got a special project in mind for this year, one I've been mulling over ever since I saw it a couple of years ago. I wasn't sure that I'd be able to pull it off (still not too terribly sure how it will turn out), but what the heck, I figure I'll give it a go and even if it doesn't work, it's still edible.

Other than my super secret special project (there will be posts), I don't have anything special planned this year for Baking Weekend. I wanted to make more mozzarella, which was so much fun, but decided to try something new this year. RCC has something up his sleeve too, that I'm sure will be wonderful.

Mostly, what I'm looking forward to this Baking Weekend, is getting to hang out with My Girls. I love them and this is the only guaranteed time we get to spend together. I haven't seen Sue since last Baking Weekend and I saw Robs and Staci in June when Robs had her baby. How is it that a mere sixty miles can seem like half a world away?

Blogfia Call Out!

2011-12-05T13:43:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a while since the Blogfia call has gone out - I think it's been a year or more since I've sent out a call. Let's hope the "network" is still open.

Rachel, over to Once Upon A Miracle, has made the top ten for the Tiny Prints Talent Contest.

Why does that warrant a call out? Because she's not doing it to stroke her ego or to thrust her darling son, Itty Bit, into the limelight. She's doing it to help one of her favorite charities, the Morning Star Foundation. If she wins, she has vowed to donate the $1,000 prize to Morning Star to help them help the little babies.

Now, I'm sure those other nine finalists are perfectly lovely people who have plans for that $1,000, too. But they're not Rachel, who is following her heart to help out babies who only have the Morning Star people to help them this Christmas.

So, how do we help? Here's the great thing - it won't cost a dime! Just a few seconds every day to vote for Itty Bit.

Photo shamelessly stolen from Rachel.

Reposting this would be a great way to help out, too!

I think with the power of the Blogfia and the blogosphere behind her, Rachel and Itty Bit can win, in which case, Morning Star wins as well.

What are you waiting for? Go vote!

Rant

2011-11-30T20:32:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know, I'm an Associate Dean at a for-profit career college.

There, I laid it out, you all can gasp over the fact that I work for a 1) for-profit, 2) career college. Sadly, they've gotten a bad rap, mostly because we threaten the hell out of the State Colleges/Universities. But that's a rant for another day.

Oh, I suppose I should tell you to look at the disclaimer on the right side of the page that says that I don't speak for my employer.

As an Associate Dean, I carry a full teaching load (if you ask my hubby or kids, they might tell you it's more than a full teaching load - it's more like working two full-time jobs) in addition to my administrative duties. One of the things that drives me absolutely bat shit is students who put ZERO effort into their education.

School's expensive, especially a specialized school like ours, though we haven't seen nearly the tuition hikes that the State schools have. We sat down once and figured that for every F a student earns, it costs them approximately $1,800 in additional tuition.

As I was entering my grades tonight, I was dismayed to see that I have four morning students and one evening student who have earned 'F's. FIVE! Know what the common denominators were?

Attendance and failure to turn in work (funny, how if you don't come to class, you don't know what the assignments are and since I don't accept late work, if you're absent the day it's due you're screwed).

Every. Single. Student who failed did so because they didn't come to class or turn in their work.

That's not to say that the students who do attend are being "given" grades - they earn every point they get. I am not an easy teacher; I have high expectations and I hold them to it. These students are going to be medical assistants and healthcare administrators who have a good chance of giving care to me, my family, or my friends in the future. I want them, at minimum, to be competent.

All I can say is it's a damn shame when the instructor puts more work into the students' education than the students do.

Taps

2011-11-29T21:03:00.000-08:00

My computer suffered a terminal ITD. I'm very sad about that, as I *loved* my Dell. It's been almost exactly two years since the IT guru at work was able to resurrect my laptop. Did I mention I loved my Dell? Loved it.

I hate this loaner from the school, though I'm thankful they loaned it to me. It doesn't play nicely with my bodybugg and since it's a loaner, I don't want to download stuff onto it. Also, the "e" key doesn't work very well (which is probably why it's a loaner or because it's a loaner).

I went on a great last ride today and can't upload any of the pictures - the computer's just not playing well with any of my stuff. *pouts* However, Mom does have her great pictures of the ride up over at her blog if you want to see the absolutely fabulous day we had.

My office mate at work has been telling me it's time to upgrade my laptop anyway, but since I had the last surviving Dell on campus, I didn't want to give it up. The newer model laptops we have just aren't as good as the Dells were. No matter, it's out of my hands now, unless I want to buy my own laptop instead of getting a school-issued one.

I'll stick with the school issued one as soon as they're finished formatting it and putting all of the work crap on it I need.

I think I'm going to go mourn my laptop.

Goodbye sweet Dell, I'll miss you.

The End

2011-11-27T00:11:00.000-08:00

Two words I've never written before today, "The End".

I've written my whole life. In fact, I don't remember a time when I didn't write. It's just something that I do. Sometimes I do it better than others, but I do it. I've always got something buzzing around my brain trying to morph into a full-blown story, but today I finally made it!

I've got tons of half-completed novels on my jump drive and in random notebooks around the house, but now I can say I've completed one! As in, from the beginning, all the way to "The End".

There's a lot of editing that needs to be done, but I think I'm just going to sit and enjoy this surreal feeling of actually being done for a bit before I jump into the sad business of editing.

~~~~~~~~~

Don't forget the Double Dog Dare! Click on over to Once Upon A Miracle for directions on how to vote for Itty Bit and help Rachel win the $1,000 she's planning on donating.

Win/Win

2011-11-26T11:24:00.000-08:00

Now that we've spend the last few days thinking about all of the things we have to be thankful for - for most of us it's our health - and fighting the Black Friday crowds, let's do something to help someone else out, what do you say?

Here's the kicker - it won't cost a thing, just a couple of clicks of your mouse, mabe a couple of keystrokes to log in, and - BLAM! - you've just taken a step toward helping out some itty, bitty babies who can't help themselves. Rachel posted about this yesterday and it has now escalated to a Double Dog Dare.

C'mon, not a single one of us can resist a Double Dog Dare, can we? So click on over to Rachel's blog and follow the instructions for how to vote for this darling kiddo...

Photo shamelessly stolen from Rachel

I Double Dog Dare you.

Thanksgiving Day Run

2011-11-24T11:24:00.000-08:00

RCC talked me into doing a four-mile run this morning. And by run, I mean we paid our registration fee, showed up and walked probably 3.25 miles. It was a pretty route, through City Park and Old Town.

I was feeling pretty down about the results, 1:05:39 for me and 1:05:30 for RCC, much slower than our 5K pace back in September. When we started talking about it, though, we realized that at least five minutes were wasted right at the start where there was a big bottleneck until the first turn. Trying to fit 3,600 runners through a starting chute didn't work so well. Some of the runners had strollers and some had dogs; those people were mostly clueless about what was going on around them and blocked the path for a lot of us.

I'm not a runner, I've never claimed to be, but I can only imagine how frustrating it had to be for the people who were stuck in the bottleneck who were runners.

I was feeling pretty good when we finished the race, certain that I was under one hour. I wanted to be under 50 minutes, but gave up on that at the start. Then I saw our times. That 1:05:39 was crushing and I started getting upset at myself for not pushing harder once the crowd did break free. Since I was so disappointed in my time, I was pretty certain that I hadn't burned very many calories either.

I plugged in my bodybugg when I got home, expecting to see somewhere around 300 calories burned. Boy was I surprised when it showed 635!!! I'm super excited about that and can console myself with the thought that at least five minutes was wasted at the start, so I was sort of close to the time I wanted to make.

Now, in just about an hour and a half, the feasting will begin and I won't feel too guilty about it. RCC has made some meat pies, Digger's making his favorite pudding pie, Mom's got the turkey going and I get to eat. Thanksgiving is by far my favorite food holiday!

I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving!

bodybugg

2011-11-16T15:02:00.000-08:00

This is an unsolicited review. I received the bodybugg as a prize in a contest; I did not recieve it for the purpose of reviewing it.

And, no Mr. Daddy, I'm not talking about crabs!

I'm talking about the ultra-cool calorie management system I won through 24Hour Fitness' Refuel Your Fitness challenge.

The bodybugg is a sensor that you wear on an armband around your left tricep. Last night, on the Biggest Loser, they had the contestants wearing it on their legs, but the bodybugg people say that the sensor is not calibrated to work on the leg and so the readings are incorrect. It "reads" calories burned by measuring skin temp, sweat production, pulse rate and a cool accelerometer that can tell if you've been walking or running. Since each person burns calories differently, there is a section during the set up that your weight, age, lifestyle, etc. has to be entered (body fat, too, if you measure that). It's supposed to be 90% accurate (or more).

El Poquito Diablo helped me set mine up after one of our training sessions, so set up went fairly smoothly. I could see that if you had to do it on your own it could be cumbersome and time-consuming. Together (and by that, I mean, he told me what he wanted), we determined what my target caloric intake and deficit should be. My goal deficit - I burn more calories than I take in - is between 500 - 800 calories/day.

The bodybugg does the calories burned calculations that you upload to the website, but the caloric intake has to be put in your profile manually. Until yesterday, I had huge problems with this - there apparently was a Java update issue. Java updated, myapex.com did not and they didn't play together anymore. Seems to have been resolved, as I haven't had any problems putting in my daily intake recently.

I like visuals, so I really like the fact that when I upload my calories burned from the bodybugg (plug it into the USB port) and type in my caloric intake, I get a report that looks like this:

Today's graphs don't look so good; I didn't have time to work out today and I'm at work until 10 pm, so whie I still have a caloric deficit, it's by a much smaller margin.

I wasn't sure I was going to like this, but I LOVE it! If you're working to lose a few pounds, this is a good way to do it. I'm certain that this will help me break my plateau and get me on track again. 24Hour Fitness sells them, and from Nov 18 - 30, they will be selling the bodybugg V3 (like I have) for $99.00, which is a great deal! As much as I love it, I don't think I would have paid full price for it - if I hadn't won it, I would not have even given it a second glance. Now that I own one, I see what an opportunity I would have missed out on.

Oh! Oh! Oh! A shout-out to 24Hour Fitness - they inadvertently sent me the V3 instead of the new SP that interfaces with smartphones. I got a notice that the error had occurred and that they'd be sending out the SP. I was careful with my V3, kept all the packaging and such, so I could send it back. I got my SP in the mail and got a note inviting me to keep my V3. Since I already had my V3 up and running, I gave the SP to Nebalee. I think she loves it as much as I love my V3.

Trying to Maintain Some Level of Decorum

2011-11-14T16:05:00.000-08:00

I'm used to making a fool of myself when working out with El Poquito Diablo - I'm certain that he comes up with stuff just to embarrass me, so I'm fairly embarrassment-proof while at the gym. When being tortured, we do a lot of laughing and swearing - I'm okay with that.

However...today, I went in to do some intervals by myself on the elliptical machine. I plugged in my earphones and started flipping through the channels. I landed on Rob Dyrdek's show "Ridiculousness" - totally random show about some pretty impressive stupid human tricks (and epic fails). Mindless entertainment to keep me preoccupied while I was slogging through my intervals. The last clip he showed was this...

Y'all, I tried. I tried my best to maintain some level of decorum. I swear to the Sweet Baby Jesus, I tried.

Instead, I'm sure the people around me thought I as having a seizure as I was trying not to laugh my ever loving butt off. Y'all, I snorted. A couple of times.

I'm not sure they'll allow me to watch TV while on the elliptical machines anymore.

Letter of Intent

2011-11-11T06:00:00.000-08:00

Time to hook up with Julie at Four Sons to get everything that bugged you this weekend off your chest!

Dear ~~bilateral femoral-tibular articulations~~ knees,

I know I abused you when I was younger.

I know I asked way too much of you from junior high on. You told me, pretty vehemently to lay off in seventh grade when you both revolted and I ended up with both of you swelling up like water balloons.

I laid off. I strengthened my quads. I learned what I could and could not do. I learned how to avoid the water balloons.

Oh, on occasion, I would forget and do something stupid, but for the most part, I took good care of you as I got older. Even when I took up soccer at thirty, I tried to look out for you. You'd give me a reminder once in a while, just to let me know I might be pushing it too hard.

I got it. I paid attention, I took care of you.

So what's with this?

One little 5K on a dirt road and you laid me up for weeks. I tried working through it. I ate handfuls of ibuprofen. I slept with ice on both of you. I quit trying to work through it. I laid off. I didn't go to the gym; I only wore good shoes. I behaved. Even when I didn't want to.

Even El Poquito Diablo got worried.

You relented. The swelling went away, the pain subsided. I breathed a sigh of relief and eased back into working out.

And then...you betrayed me today. I've been so good. I've been taking care of you.

Why?

All I did was step down from the stair master. That's it. I was being so very careful not to do anything to aggravate you; I supported my weight with the arms of the stair master and gingerly stepped down, being careful to make sure I stepped squarely.

And you struck with a vengeance, threatening to drop me to the floor. El Poquito Diablo noticed. I lied and told him I was okay. He knew I lied. He made me go easy on you today during our session.

I took ibuprofen, I iced you twice while at work. I've got the other ice pack waiting for bedtime.

I'm not happy.

Sincerely,
Thanks for the GI bleed and frostbite

Blogging in Secret

2011-11-10T18:50:00.000-08:00

I'm at a NaNoWriMo write-in and I'm supposed to be working on my novel, but I can't focus on it right now, because I'm so excited about my new bodybugg.

Remember the 30-day challenge I did through my gym in October? Well, for each challenge completed, I earned entries into weekly drawing for cool prizes. I won the first week prize of a pedometer - which is pretty cool, but I'll be giving it to Nebalee, who actually likes (or fakes it well) running. I was going to keep it for myself until I got notified that I won a bodybugg SP system.

RCC in: "Bodybugg sounds like crabs."

Anyitchycrotch, this bodybugg is definitely not crabs. But it might make me crabby, in that it tracks not only calories burned, but calories taken in. I tried to talk El Poquito Diablo out of using that feature, but that idea just gave him laughing fits. He might still be laughing, honestly.

I just received it in the mail today and haven't had a chance to try it out, but I'm so excited to use it. I want to know how many calories I'm burning during my ~~torture~~ workout sessions with El Poquito Diablo. I've been plateaued for a long time (since July) and think this will help me to break that plateau. I can't wait to give it a proper review in a week or so.

GunDiva: A Runner?

2011-11-01T11:53:00.000-07:00

Not in this lifetime. But...

RockCrawlinChef decided a while ago that he wanted to run the Bolder Boulder, a 10K race in May that my sister runs every year as her birthday present to herself. I personally think she's a little nuts and it has apparently rubbed off on my husband.

The first step in his little plan was to start running 5Ks. He must have forgotten that I. don't. run. Not for fun, anyway. I've done my share of running while playing soccer, but that doesn't count. There's an actual point to running when you're chasing down an attacker. I still see absolutely no point in running just for the sake of running. Nebalee is gearing up for her second half marathon. That's just plain insanity in my book. However, she swears that it's the only way she can keep any weight off.

I've been plateaued at 166# since July. I've got to do something about that (other than denying myself food, let's not get crazy here). *Heavy sigh* Damn, I've got to get on the running bandwagon. I'm not happy about that, but I've still got twenty (at minimum) pounds to lose and this seems like the way to go.

So...back to RCC's plan of running 5Ks. He roped me into running the Harvest Farm Fall Festival 5K in September (so I'm a little behind on my blogging). Well, running wasn't exactly what happened. We "ran" in intervals - we'd pick out a spot, run to it, walk to the next spot, and so on. It worked.

We made it through the race without ambulance intervention.

It was ugly. Beyond ugly. But we made it.

And we were starving - after the race I ate more than I'd eaten in months. Obviously, running burns a calorie or two. I ate non-stop for two days and it was just a 5K. Imagine what I could eat if I ran them more often! I may never lose any weight while running, but, by God, I'm planning on a world-class pig-out on Thanksgiving Day after RCC and I run the Thanksgiving Day run - a 4-miler.

It's probably not the best reason to take up running, but last year, I gained a ton of weight during the holiday season. This year, I plan to eat what I want and run it off. Wrong motivation, I know, but I'll take motivation where I can get it.

My plan to survive the 4-miler is to do 1/8 of a mile intervals for two miles a couple of times this week and step it up to 1/4 mile intervals for three miles a couple of times next week and four miles the following week. I have no intention of actually running the whole four miles - that would just be crazy talk.

But I do plan to finish it, take a nice, hot shower and enjoy BOTH Thanksgiving dinners without guilt.

TST- Do Over

2011-10-25T12:10:00.000-07:00

Can I have a do-over?

So, here's what my day is scheduled to look like:

8:30 - 12:30 class
12:30 - 4:00 curriculum work day
3:00 - 5:00 class
5:45 meet with student
6:00 - 10:00 class

Fourteen hours, pretty much straight through, save 45 minutes between 5:00 and 5:45. Bad enough, right?

Nope. RCC's truck is in the shop, so we're sharing a car and he dropped me off at 7:30 (add an hour, fifteen hours today). Not too horrible, I routinely work fourteen hour days; it goes with the territory. So that's not even made me want a do-over today.

Was it finding out that the instructor who is supposed to teach the coding class next mod can't and now I have to, which means I give up my vacation week?

Nope.

Was it trying to make copies for class and breaking the copier?

Nope.

Was it...having to do a lecture on the urinary and reproductive systems today, complete with illustrations?

Nope.

It was sitting down in class, while the class was working on a group project and realizing that I had my scrub pants on inside out.

Yep, you read that right.

Inside out.

In front of class.

NOW can I have a do-over?

Awww, hell... my boss just came in with some news from corporate. They want us to start offering free community certifications in areas like phlebotomy. Guess who already works 50+ hours a week and is the only phlebotomy instructor on campus?

NOW can I have a do-over?

Seven Days

2011-10-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

It's almost time for NaNoWriMo!

I'm a NaNo rebel this year; someone who is working on an old project, not a new one. I love HUNTED LYON and want to finish it. I'll be working on revising/making more coherent/building character depth this time around. Hell, I might even get to write "The End" this time around.

I'm going to throw a plea out, though. The Office of Letters and Light, the folks who keep NaNo, Script Frenzy and the Young Writers' Program running from year to year are a fantastic group of people. NaNoWriMo is funded solely on donations and I'm looking for writing sponsors. Your donation can be as little as $1 that goes directly to OLL. If you've got a spare $1 laying around or are willing to forgo a couple cups of Starbucks and want to help keep the organization running, click here. I've earned my halo - I've donated $10 to OLL and RCC will be donated his time to design book covers for our local writers. Last year, he was the single largest fund raiser in the group and it looks like he'll be doing the same this year.

Small Town Saturday Night

2011-10-23T11:08:00.000-07:00

Zombie Hunting

Last night was the annual Zombie Fest, a fundraiser to support one of the local charities. Since I (and my family) have absolutely zero intention of ever being infected by the Zombie virus, we geared up as zombie hunters.

The Gear...

Pistol, shotgun, and Krylon

Can't go out with bright guns - they might see us...

...A touch of Krylon...

...And these babies are tactical black!

The vehicle...

1956 Deuce and a half with anti-zombie spikes

Ridding the vehicle of the brain-eaters

Warning: biohazards aboard

Cannons on the side - just in case

The Hunters...

Bring 'em on!

Guard duty

Junior driving his Deuce - he's the bravest of all - open cab=no protection

The Hunt...

On the lookout

Locked and Loaded

ZOMBIES!!! Kill 'em!

!Hasta la vista...baby!

The Gather...

One load back to HQ

We picked up other zombie hunters along the way -
They helped keep order in the cage

Junior found hisself a new hood ornament

Hey D.o.C. - We brought your escapees back!

End of the Night...

Sleeping with weapons - zombie hunting is tiring work.

Wrap-up:
Zombie hunting night was easily the most fun I've had with toy guns since I was a kid. RCC, Deejo, Junior and I giggled like kids on Christmas morning all night long. The police were out in force, trying to keep the zombie crawl participants in check, and I was worried they might have an issue with us driving around with loads of zombies and "weapons", but they saw it for what it was - good, clean fun. In fact, most of the PoPo just smiled and waved when we drove by hooting and hollering, blazing away with our toy guns. One officer even saluted us with a big ole sh*t-eating grin on his face. You know he would have rather been playing with us than walking through a bunch of zombie-fied drunks.

I love that my family is crazy enough to get together and play. Too bad the heathi were too cool to come hang out with the old folks - they missed a really good time.

Mom's Job

2011-10-16T16:00:00.000-07:00

Not A Mom's job, but my mom's job.

Is hard.

There's a reason she's in such amazing shape. It would be the non-stop, constant movement that keeps her in such good shape. I've said for a long time now that I wouldn't be able to keep up with her if I had to. Guess what? I can't. Even broken and bolted back together, the woman's a damned Energizer Bunny.

Two days. That's all I did. Okay, okay, I lied.

A day and a half. I'm freakin' exhausted.

But there was one highlight of the weekend and that was Momma Fargo's visit. She only made it down from her neck of the woods for one night, but it was good to see her. Mom and RCC held down the lodge while Bill, Momma and I went for a longish ride (I'd put up pics, but Bill has them on his camera).

So, while I'm exhausted as hell, I had a blast.

And I hope Mom heals up fast.

Letters of Intent - Bionic Cowgirl Edition

2011-10-14T13:26:00.000-07:00

I'm hooking up with Julie at Foursons today for a little LOI. I think the ~~nincompoops~~ healthcare professionals at EPMC deserve it.

Dear ER "doctor":

Thank you very much for starting off my mother's stay at EPMC with a bang. The ER nurses rocked. You, you whined like a little bitch when Mom bled on your slacks. Caused by doing something you told her to do. And then you had the nerve to tell her to "stop it!". Hello?! She was following your instructions to raise her arm - broken into nine pieces - above her head. Mom is "dirty tough" (<-- thanks for that Mikey) and assumed you had a reason to ask her to do that, thus proceeded to do as you bid. Next time, look at the x-rays first, asshole.

Signed,

Be Glad I Wasn't There

`````
Dear ~~I'm too busy to help you~~ Floor Nurse:

Standard operating procedure for patients who are post-op orthopaedic surgery is ice. Copious amounts of ice. Reduces swelling; increases healing. Anyone who has ever sprained their ankle knows that. So, why did you not at least offer ice? Why did my mother have to suffer through the night - drugged up on IV meds - and have to ask for it the next morning when the meds no longer touched her pain? Ice should have been applied liberally throughout the night. But, hell, what do I know? I've only got 25 years in medicine; several as an athletic trainer, several as an EMT, even more as an MA, plus throw in a year or two in hyperbaric medicine. A nurse I am not, but I at least know to apply freakin' ice!

Signed,

Could Have Done A Better Job Drunk Than You Did Sober

````
Dear Orthopod's MA:

When I was told that you would call us when Mom's new prescription was called in, I expected you to, you know, call. Since you did not, Mom spend her first night at home managing her pain with *ice* and ibuprofen. 24 hours after a horrific horse injury and an elbow reconstruction surgery in which the surgeon could only put seven of the nine bone pieces back in place, my mother had to spend the night with just ibuprofen. She is dirty tough, but that was expecting a whole lot.

Not only did you not call to let us know her script had been called in that night, Bill had to call the next day to find out if it had been done. Only then did Mom get her meds.

Signed,
Hope Karma Kicks You In The Ass

Never a Dull Moment

2011-10-11T18:36:00.000-07:00

The Bionic Cowgirl's at it again.

Getting more bionic by the minute.

*shaking head*

That mother of mine. What are we going to do with her?

*shrugs*

At this rate, she's going to be the Six Million Dollar Cowgirl. (<--thanks for that one, Mrs Mom)

Randomness. Again.

2011-10-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

Digger's my oldest child. He's also a bit of a pain in the arse. He's ten inches or so taller than me and likes to use my shoulders as arm rests. It's annoying. But not as annoying as what he told me at our friends' wedding:

"Mom, you're so little. It's like having a fun-sized parent."

Funny, but annoying.

Little shit.

~~~~~~~~~~

So today, I went for up the hill for a ride. It was cold enough that I wore my duster to ride in; I've found that riding bareback with a duster on will keep me nice and toasty. The duster acts like a tent that holds in the horse's body temp. It's actually quite cozy.

After my ride(s), two actually, Mom needed Bill and I to move some hay. Since walking in my duster is like walking in a damn prom dress, I changed out of it and into my Carhartt jacket.

And was able to zip it closed.

For the first time in a long time (we're talking years).

Not only could I zip it closed, but I had layers on underneath!

Sister Saturday

2011-10-08T15:34:00.000-07:00

Normally, Sister Saturday involves lots of sweat, swear words and tears.

And then we pull into the gym parking lot. (<-- I crack myself up sometimes.)

Today, though, I'm gonna do something completely out of character and brag on my sister.

Every October 4th, Office Max bestows A Day Made Better Awards on teachers across the nation. The secretary at Nebalee's school nominated her for the award with the following:

Nebalee has been at our school for several years. She is an enthusiastic and dedicated teacher who continually looks for creative ways to help students and staff achieve to their highest potential. Nebalee holds a Type D Adminstrators License and did her internship at Eagle Crest. Nebalee takes the time to get to know each of her students facilitate their individual learning style and time line. She is the first to volunteer to spearhead any new initiatives. Her professionalism speaks for itself, she always conducts herself in a professional manner with students, staff and parents. Her students find in her a loving and compassionate teacher who always looks to their best interest. Nebalee has taught in several grade levels at our school and she is undertaking the challenges of a new kindergarten classroom this year. Please consider her for this A Day Made Better Award.

Apparently, the people she works with think she's pretty incredible and the people at Office Max agreed. Nebalee had no idea that she'd been nominated, or chosen, until they showed up in her classroom toting two large boxes...

Two of these boxes full of supplies for her classroom!

A peek inside one of the boxes

A new office chair!

In addition to all of the consumable supplies, she got a new camera and printer for her classroom. But since the dates on the pictures are everything except the 4th, she must not have figured it out yet. :)

When she got home from work that day, she drove into her driveway to find this...

Guess Nebalee's not the only one excited about this cool award.

Way to go, Nebalee! It's about time you got recognized for all of your hard work.

Long Week.

2011-10-07T21:40:00.000-07:00

Glad it's over.

Managed to finish my challenge today: 32 push-ups in one minute. Pathetic.

Don't care.

It's bed time.

Have a good weekend, y'all.

My Chillins Are Victims

2011-10-05T22:12:00.000-07:00

I've been a healthcare instructor literally my children's entire lives. When Digger and Ashinator were babies, they were my "victims" for my EMT classes. I'm a firm believer in exposing students to as many experiences as possible while they are in the classroom. That way, they don't freak out when they have to do it for realzies.

Today was the final class for my Medical Asepsis class, where the student learn about infection control and minor in-office procedures that they might be called on to perform. With a theatrical make-up artist for a brother, it would be silly of me not to use his talents. It's been a year or so since our schedules have lined up well enough to drag him into class, but today the stars aligned properly and I got him in to make up the chillins.


Don't open a radiator on an overheating car!*

The students changed wound packing.

And cut away dead "tissue" from the burn site.

I had to throw in a creepy picture just because it's October and it ups the creep factor.

I'm pretty certain the students had a good time and it's good practice for skills and documentation. It doesn't even feel like a final exam. :)

*in real life, the make up looked much better, I don't know why the camera picked up so much yellow/orange.

Challenge update: worked a fourteen-hour day today, ditched the gym, so I'll add today's challenge to tomorrow's.

Challenge check-in

2011-10-04T20:30:00.000-07:00

I couldn't complete yesterday's challenge due to my work schedule. The challenge was to increase my usual cardio workout by 50%, so if I normally did 30 minutes of cardio, I should up it to 45 minutes. Since I had to work until 10 pm, it would have been midnight before I got home last night. Just wasn't going to happen.

But I had a plan...incorporate yesterday's challenge into today's workout. I killed two birds with one stone at the gym today. Today's challenge was to slow down. Take three seconds to lift the weight, hold for one second, and take three seconds to lower the weight. It was kind of cheating, since El Poquito Diablo has me lift like that anyway, but it still counts. :)

Four(ish) days down, twenty-six to go.

Bloggy Love

2011-10-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

I know many of my followers also follow Rachel at Once Upon A Miracle. Rachel wrote an amazing post last week about her mother-in-law, a woman I feel I know through Rachel's posts.

Rachel's MIL passed away this morning. Please click on over and share some bloggy love with her. I can't imagine the pain and gaping hole in their lives right now.

Really, Another Perfect Day

2011-10-02T20:45:00.000-07:00

I am one tuckered out little girl.

First, I got up early to go kill zombies. That takes a lot of work (and ammo). It's important to keep in mind the "Double Tap" rule: two to the head makes 'em dead.

We celebrated our zombie killing success with a BBQ and then off to the mountains I headed; Bill's birthday party and all that. So I ate. Again.

But then, Nebalee joined me in today's challenge: hold a push-up position for one minute. Repeat five times.

It sucked. But we did it.

Two in a row. By Jove, I believe I might be getting this. Tomorrow's the true test, because it's one of my fourteen-hour days at work. I'll have to complete the challenge when I get home.

Then, Bill and I went for a quick ride. During which he forgot the first rule of riding: keep the horse between you and the ground. Again. Sheesh, if he keeps this up, I'm going to put him back in training wheels. Or a saddle. Whatever.

Now I'm stalling. I have a lecture to write over a topic I love, but I felt like playing on the blog was much more ~~fun~~ important than writing a lecture over orthopaedic injuries and how to assess them.

One in a Row!

2011-10-01T21:23:00.000-07:00

I've been looking for my motivation for a while. Seems it just up and left me about ten days ago. Haven't been able to drag my butt to the gym - could barely drag my butt to work.

I found motivation's replacement - a challenge. Not to say I'm a competitive type (stop snorting Mom, Bill, Nebalee, Deejo, Junior, Digger, Ashinator, Monster, etc...), but sometimes, in the absence of motivation a good ole double dog dare will work.

I didn't get a double dog dare, but I did receive an email from 24 hour fitness for the 30 day challenge. No motivation, but I can't back down from a challenge, so I signed up.

Only, I don't look like this. But you get the idea.

And received my first challenge via email this morning: get on the treadmill and sprint for 1/8 of a mile, recover for 1/8. Repeat five times.

Because of my knee, I substituted the elliptical machine for the treadmill, but I did complete the challenge after Nebalee and I did body boot camp.

I suppose one in a row is a good start. :)

I've Got To Get To The Gym!

2011-09-27T21:46:00.000-07:00

I haven't been to the gym in a week now. My left knee has been bothering me for a couple of weeks, and of course, my riding marathon didn't help, but I've had bad knees as long as I can remember. I've literally shredded the meniscii in both knees and mostly I can live with it.

Nebalee thinks I'm at a point where my fitness level exceeds my body's ability. It sort of makes sense - I'm cardiovascularly and muscularly fit enough to hit the gym five times a week, including boot camp, but my joints aren't liking it. She ran into the same problem with her foot while training for a half-marathon. I'm actually to the point in my workouts with El Poquito Diablo, that I'm leaving the training sessions frustrated because I can only give about 80% due to my knee. If I don't get something figured out soon, I'm going to go nuts.

I'm tired of living on Advil and sleeping with ice packs on my knees (let me tell you how sexy that is); I'm tired of getting up from any position gingerly; I'm tired of *having* to wear tennis shoes.

I actually planned on going to the gym today, knee be damned.

But my GI tract had other plans. My running today consisted mainly of from the bed or couch to the bathroom. I'm not certain that counts as exercise.

*sigh*

Maybe I can make it to the gym on Thursday.

Date Night

2011-09-23T22:43:00.000-07:00

Last night was the 3rd Annual Saucy Affair, a fundraiser for my beloved 9HealthFair. I've wanted to take RCC since they began doing this as their primary fundraiser. This year, they offered a raffle for volunteers - if your name was drawn you got a free ticket when you purchased a regular ticket. I threw my name in the raffle and got lucky enough to be one of the winners. At $65.00 a person, it was pretty much the only way I'd get to take RCC.

Fifteen or so of Denver's restaurants competed for the "People's Choice" title; each restaurant served small plates for the participants to choose from, each plate had to have a sauce (it was, after all, a "saucy" challenge). I knew that there would be a huge chance that most of the restaurants would serve seafood, which is disgusting as far as I'm concerned. But I also knew that whatever I didn't eat, RCC would.

I did something I rarely do - I got all girled up: hair, makeup, jewelry, dress and heels. I drew the line at hose; the etiquette people will just have to get over my bare legs. It felt good to slip into my black dress and not feel like I was going to bust out the seams. And, don't anyone repeat this, it was kinda fun to be a girly-girl for a little bit. Approximately 20 minutes, anyway. That's all it took for my feet to start hurting and my knees to rebel.

In the meantime, RCC and I drank "free" wine and ate ourselves sick. The restaurant that got my "People's Choice" vote was Texas de Brazil - they served garlic mashed potatoes and flank steak with chimichurri. They actually won my vote with the garlic mashed, but then I tasted the flank steak and about fell out it was so good. RCC voted for Avenue Grill, which served a shrimp with a soy-ginger sauce. Texas de Brazil won, pretty much hands-down. It was truly the garlic mashed that won it for them - everyone was talking about it.

I was excited to see a handful of people that I work with during the planning stages of the 9HealthFair. In fact, I told RCC that I felt a little like a celebrity there for a bit. My phlebotomy classes for the medical assisting and nursing students in the Northern Council are garnering a fair bit of attention at the corporate level. Seeing people who were genuinely happy to see RCC and me was a bonus. I went not expecting to run into anyone we know.

The evening was topped off with cupcakes on the way out the door from one of Denver's favorite cupcake vendors, the Denver Cupcake Truck.

As much fun as I had, I couldn't wait to get my dang heels off and get ice on my knees, which swelled more and more by the minute. I don't know how other women can wear heels to work, as part of their grown up clothes. I think I'll stick with wearing scrubs and tennis shoes.

You know you've got a good husband when...

2011-09-18T21:40:00.000-07:00

...he tells you your ass is better than half of the college girls' asses he sees every day.

I think I'll keep him.

My Cat Can Beat Up Your Dog

2011-09-16T18:45:00.000-07:00

...and I've got the warning summons to show it (of course, my phone's not playing nicely and I can't get it to upload).

Last week a ~~disgruntled~~ concerned neighbor visited our home to complain that our cat attacked his dog. His precious little Shih Tzu got beat up by our little black and white cat.

I opened my mail today to find a "warning summons" for an "Animal at Large" who is a "Public Nuisance". The officer's notes:

The cat was at large in the informant's yard and attacked his dog.

I have to tell you, my neighbor's a lot more secure in his manhood than I would have expected. I mean, to admit - to Animal Control, no less - that my little five pound black and white ball of fluff kicked the ever-loving shit out of his ~~little ball of fluff~~ dog.

Who is he going to complain to when the coyotes get ahold of his little precious? Our neighborhood may have been recently incorporated into the city limits, but someone forgot to tell all the coyotes that they're not country coyotes anymore.

Randomness

2011-09-13T08:56:00.000-07:00

My boss likes to send out daily inspirations. Mostly I look at them, nod and throw them in the recycle bin. Today's, though, cracked me the hell up.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

~Dennis Wholey

Breaking Habits

2011-09-07T12:01:00.000-07:00

The hardest habit I'm finding to break is how I order food. For example, whenever I run through a fast-food place, I know that a kids' meal will fill me up, but I can't seem to wrap my brain around the fact that a kids' meal will fill me up and I end up ordering a "grown up" meal.

That I never finish.

Gotta stop that and build a new habit.

Better Than A Poke In The Eye

2011-09-04T18:51:00.000-07:00

...Or not.

Today, when we were breaking down our stages and putting away the target stands, I was following Mez into the trailer with a target stand in each hand. The target stands aren't heavy at all, but they are kind of unwieldy and as I negotiated the maze in the trailer, I tripped and caught the end of the stand on a box, which caused the far end of the 1x2 to dip down. Unfortunately, Mez chose that exact moment to turn around to head back out of the trailer.

He ducked down and grabbed his eye. At first, I thought he'd seen what happened and was ducking to get out of the way, but then I realized that I'd hit him with the tip of the 1x2 in the face. My heart sank.

Luckily, the wood just grazed his cheekbone and took the top layer of skin off his right eye lid. It could have been so much worse. I'm still appalled that it happened and so very thankful it wasn't worse.

Of course, the joke the rest of the day was that I actually like Mez and he's one of my friends. My enemies better watch out.

On a happier note, I am so thrilled with the results I'm seeing from El Poquito Diablo and the gym. The side match today (bonus match after the regular match is over) was a rifle stage. Mez brought his STG-58, a .308 carbine, for us to shoot. Empty, it weighs in at 9.25#. I have no idea how much it weighs fully loaded. If my run through the stage had gone perfectly, I wouldn't have needed the extra oompf.

However, it did not go smoothly and the strength I've gained allowed me to finish the stage. 9# doesn't seem like a lot of weight, but keeping that weight balanced with my arms extended out in front of me while trying to clear the misfeeds...well, that gun got heavy fast. By the end of my run, my right bicep was shaking and I was short of breath. El Poquito Diablo is always telling me to breathe. Maybe I should try it some time.

Tomorrow, I get to teach my future SIL (Junior's girl) to shoot. (I love teaching other women to shoot.) And I think Estes is recovered enough to go for a ride in the afternoon. Can't wait!

Getting Back to Normal

2011-09-03T21:54:00.000-07:00

Or as close to normal as our house gets.

Estes is getting better every day, though she's still awfully skinny. I didn't know that one of the early signs of sand colic is sudden weight loss - she always drops a lot of weight about this time each year, so when the weight came off, we didn't even think of sand colic. In retrospect, she's probably built up a bit of sand in her gut every year and has just been lucky enough in the past not to colic from it. I'm hopeful that once we get her gut cleared out (only another couple of days of psyllium) she'll start gaining weight again. Right now, she looks like we've starved her even though she's been getting more food than the others for a month or so now.

I was gone from the gym for a week. It was completely unintended. El Poquito Diablo and I met the Wednesday before Estes colicked; I had to work all day on Thursday; my Friday fell apart and I didn't make it; Saturday, I shot the Steel Challenge and went to the Corn Roast Festival with RockCrawlinChef and then Sunday the shit hit the fan. Or not, actually. There was no shitting going on with Estes, which was a big part of the problem. Long story short, it was a full week that I hadn't stepped foot in the gym. I was afraid of the damage that I'd done with not working out and stress eating M&Ms.

Imagine my surprise when we did my measurements and I was down two pounds and 2/10th of an inch off my rear end. I guess all that walking between the pen, the Lodge and the Livery burned a calorie or two after all.

I'm back in the gym on a more regular basis now and feeling so much better. I'm starting to feel the changes in my body. I've lost 26#, but I didn't feel like my body shape was changing much - it was just getting smaller. Now, I can feel that my shape is actually changing. In videos of me shooting last week, I actually have forearm muscles! It's an interesting feeling, feeling body parts shifting and changing, but I'm not going to complain.

This morning in boot camp, I actually sprinted! And was leading the suicides we were running. Until I couldn't breathe. Dang I hate that. It was painfully obvious that I am the sprinter of the family, while Nebalee is the distance runner. I ran fast and peaked early. Nebalee kept a steady pace and was able to finish while I was praying the wall would continue to hold me upright.

Well.

2011-08-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

The best-laid plans and all that.

Sunday quickly turned into a 48-hour nightmare (or more - what day is today?). On my way up to the Lodge, I got a call from Bill telling me that Estes was colicking. We don't panic about little belly aches with our horses, for that call to come in, she had to be in a BAD way. I've got all of the updates, etc. up over at Tales and Mom and Bill have their version on their blog.

The long and short of it is, Estes looked death straight in the eye (or eye of the needle in this case - she was slated to be euthanized) and stuck her tongue out. It means that Mom, Bill and I spend the last two nights sleepless and giving round the clock care to Her Highness. They managed to not neglect their guests (barely) and I was a zombie walking in and out of the Lodge at odd hours, covered head to toe in horse dirt, manure, snot and at one point, blood. I'm so darn sick of these jeans that I've worn since Sunday, my socks should be burned and I gave up on my hair about 47 hours ago. Since I had just planned on riding on Sunday, I brought nothing with me. No change of clothes, no deodorant, no meds. Luckily, I always have a contact lens case and eye ball juice up here, otherwise I'd've really been a mess.

I thought I gave up getting up every two hours throughout the night when the kids were little. But it's amazing how quickly it comes back.

I woke up this morning absolutely exhausted and couldn't figure it out; afterall, I only had to get up *once* last night for Her Highness. It dawned on me as I walked back from checking on her and my heart started racing. I haven't taken my meds since Sunday; I was so consumed with taking care of the equine love of my life, I'd forgotten about me.

Today's back to real life. Queen Estes is feeling so much better, demanding that her humans feed her, and it's Digger's 20th (!) birthday. Not sure how that happened. I must have blinked or something, because I swear it was just yesterday I was pushing that little brat out.

Digger, Happy Birthday! Only one more year before your crazy uncle can take you on your own Pascagoula Run...

Holy Busy Life, Batman!

2011-08-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

I've been running hither and yon having an absolute blast this summer, which means my posting has gone down the toilet, but I'll have blog fodder through the winter when it's too cold to be doing all outdoor timewasters I've been doing.

Digger moved home from Wheatland (again); he's hoping to start school in the spring. Ashinator is planning on joining him for spring semester. In the meantime, they are job and apartment hunting. Sadly, I think they're going to have to lower their standards for their first apartment. But then, didn't we all?

Monster finally got back into school after being out for two years. He's my youngest and school has been a constant uphill battle for him. He doesn't get why we have to jump through the hoops and just do certain things. School is one of them. He'd rather just get a job and work than be in school. Well, after two years, he's decided that maybe school isn't such a bad thing - no one wants to hire a sixteen year old drop-out. He even mentioned to me that he regrets his decision to drop out, as the only school that will admit him is an on-line high school; he's burned all of his bridges in the public schools. The good news is, that even though he's been a drop-out for two years, he scored well enough on his placement exams to be admitted as a junior.

This whole kids-growing-into-adults thing is rough and I don't think I like it. I liked it so much better when they were my good kids and we were thick as thieves. Now we each have our own lives/friends/goals and I miss the "all for one and one for all" thing we had going when they were little. It was us against the world. I spent some time the other night just wondering when it all changed and I can almost pinpoint it. It was when I got hired on with the college. The first year I was an adjunct instructor there, we were able to keep it up, but working 7 am to 10 pm every night kept me away from the kids too much and it hasn't let up at all. In fact, over the past seven years, my schedule at the college has been ten to fourteen hours a day. The job seemed like God's gift when I took it so long ago - we really needed the increase in pay to keep a roof over our heads - but there are times now that I wonder if it was worth it.

I see my girls, Robs and Staci, with their children (who are much younger than mine) and miss those times with my kids. This whole transition-to-adulthood thing really sucks.

Gah - done with that touchy-feely crap. It was getting thick there for a minute.

Anywho'sadamnsaplately, I'm off to ride the best mare on the planet and then Ripley gets her last (I think) cosmetic present - a European Rally stripe. She's been wanting one since I brought her home. I've had it for months, but my schedule hasn't worked out with getting it applied until today. I can't wait!!

TOS Revisited

2011-08-22T21:22:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with Monster, I was diagnosed with bilateral thoracic outlet syndrome (TOS). Essentially, I had impinged both the nerves and blood flow from my neck to my arms, which ultimately resulted in bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome. The suggested treatment was removal of both 1st ribs. The drawback (you know, besides the fact that it involved surgery) was that after removing the 1st rib, I would have had to had my arm strapped to my side for six months! And that meant that for over a year, I would have had one or the other arm strapped to my side. Yeah, that would have worked well with three children under four. Instead I did therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. Physical Therapy. Occupational Therapy. Massage Therapy. Years of therapy.

It paid off. Eventually. My CTS resolved first (six weeks in custom-made wrist splints that reached my elbows - ever tried to change a diaper with absolutely no movement whatsoever?) and over time, I learned what I could and couldn't do with my TOS. For the last thirteen years or so, I haven't really given my TOS much thought. It's something I am aware of, and if I find numbness or tingling in my arms or hands, I head to the massage therapist and take it easy. I'm aware of my posture and know what sets off my TOS, but otherwise it's a non-issue.

El Poquito Diablo has stepped up my workouts - I've finally reached a level of fitness that we can start doing some really cool stuff - but I always felt like my left shoulder was weak. Not weak as in not strong, but weak as in no oompf. Like stroke-y weak, but only in my shoulder.

While doing some independent arm work, El Poquito Diablo found that I was compensating in my left shoulder. He asked me to extend my arm over my head; first my right, then my left. I extended my right arm directly over my head - nod of approval.

Arm straight up, spine in alignment, core tight.

And then he had me raise my left arm over my head, so I did it. Well, I thought I did it. Turns out I can't do it without conscious effort.

Off center, hips rotated, core de-stabilized.

It's easier to see when compared to the other arm; this is with me concentrating on contracting the right muscles and I'm still off a few degrees.

Easy to see when compared to right.

Sidenote: I'm going to have all of my pictures taken like this from now on - I look downright skinny(ish).

Seems I might have more lingering effects from TOS than I thought; like maybe some nerve damage in my left arm. I think with enough retraining of the muscles, it shouldn't be an issue.

I have noticed that when I'm drawing my pistol with my left hand, the weakness is a big issue. I compensate with my chest muscles, which causes my elbow to rotate out and does not allow me to acquire my sight picture quickly. I've got thirteen days to retrain/strengthen those muscles to make my draw more satisfactory. Normally, I shoot the matches right handed, but I thought I'd shoot left just for kicks and giggles next month.

Of course, it took El Poquito Diablo, former National All-Around Gymnastics Champion (or however his title goes) to notice that my judges' salute was all screwed up :)

Today

2011-08-21T21:41:00.000-07:00

Today, I was a busy girl.

I played with this...

Went around the block with Asset...

Went out on the mountain with Bill...

And since I missed Boot Camp yesterday, Nebalee drew me the circuit so I could do it when I went to the gym tonight...

Bill took one look at her beautiful stick figures and said this...

All in all, a pretty darn good day :)

With A Little Help From Bill

2011-08-15T20:55:00.000-07:00

Allenspark Lodge said...

Let me help you start.
Once upon a time...
Nah
How 'bout
It was a dark and stormy night...
Bill

You got it, Bill.

It was a dark and stormy night...

I was sleeping in a cot outside of the horses' pen, determined to catch the critter(s) that insisted on breaking the fences. Armed with a flashlight, shotgun and one mother of a case of PMS, I was ready.

I would have sworn my eyes had just closed when I heard the scuffling sound of critters along the fence line. My eyes flew open, and I reached for the shotgun, searching the shadows for the source of the noise. Finding an indescript large shadow looming over the fence, I attempted to shoulder the shotgun only to have it flop at my side when my left arm refused to cooperate.

My cries of "DAMN YOU, EL POQUITO DIABLO!" succeeded in scaring off the critters. Cursing loudly at ~~the Little Bastard~~ El Poquito Diablo for torturing me at the gym, I broke down the cot and dragged my gear back to the house, where I slept in a warm and comfortable bed.

The End

A Whole Lotta No Time

2011-08-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

It seems like I should have a lot of time to get my blogging done.

And then reality hits and there's no time. (Unless I give up my once-a-week nap)

WTH happens to time? It just keeps disappearing.

I've got a lot of blogs I want to write. Hell, they're written in my head. I just have to find the time to sit down and get them outta my head.

I will one of these days. I really, really will.

My Present to Ripley

2011-08-08T18:31:00.000-07:00

RCC's been buying Ripley presents ever since he joined the SoulHamsters. She's been the recipient of a strut tower brace to improve handling in the mountains; a new cold air intake to improve gas mileage; a bug deflector; a new grill; new eyeballs (pics soon); the coolest 3rd brake light ever...the list keeps growing.

While in Las Vegas for Deans' Training, I made a stop in my favorite store on the Strip to get a little something for Ripley myself...

I thought it was time for her to let out her inner ParrotHead. She seems to like it.

At least she didn't ask for a giant fin :)

The Cranky Bitch Is Home...

2011-08-07T18:18:00.000-07:00

...finally. I've definitely become more of a homebody and any stretch away from home brings out my inner cranky bitch (as opposed to the outer cranky bitch who is always present).

I was starting to feel my inner cranky bitch slipping back into her hiding place as I got closer to home.

I could almost feel myself stretched out on the couch.

I could feel my eyes getting heavy in anticipation of my nap.

As I approached my street I noticed a "Road Closed" sign.

I turned the corner, slipped around the sign and saw this...

Right the fuck in front of my house.

There is no place to park in front of the house now. My entire front yard is blocked by whatever the hell it is they're doing.

Inner cranky bitch lost her damned mind.

I parked in front of my neighbor's house, slammed some things around and flopped on the couch.

Four hours later, I've corralled inner cranky bitch and am starting to feel human. I'll be back to my (semi) regular posting as soon as I've wrangled her back under control.

3rd Blogiversary

2011-07-31T20:54:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it; it's been three years (and a couple of days) since I started this blog. It's kind of developed it's own life over the span of 445 posts. Last year, I had a post full of randomness and the year before I didn't even celebrate my blogiversary.

So, for this year, I thought I'd re-post my first ever post, but then remembered that I'd already done that (though it would be very appropriate considering I'm leaving tomorrow for HorseMaster). Since that's already been done, I went with my second ever post. I'm certain that something like 86 of you have never read it; my only followers were Mom and Bill, Deejo, and RCC at that time. So, for your reading pleasure (I hope), here's my second ever post.

An Engagement Story

The weekend after I returned from Salida, the best thing I could have ever wished for happened...RockCrawlinChef (RCC) proposed. I'm about a month late posting this, but here it is...

While I was in Salida, Jim and Monster got into a huge fight and Jim kicked Monster out of the house. Luckily, Digger stayed at home and so Monster had someone at my place with him. Well, on Wednesday, RCC took the boys to dinner and took Monster to Jim's house to pick up his stuff. Saturday night Jim finally called to talk to me about what happened and, of course, his story about what had happened changed. RCC heard the conversation and got really quiet. When I asked him what was wrong he said that he wasn't sure it was the right decision to take Monster to Jim's house to pick up his stuff, especially after hearing the conversation between Jim and me. So we had this whole other conversation about never second guessing what your heart tells you is the right thing at the time.

RCC was quiet and after a few minutes jumped out of bed (all of our major decisions have been made while naked) and my heart just sank. Those damn ghosts from the ex-boyfriend appear occasionally. He went to his dresser and looked at me and said, 'this is either the most appropriate or most inappropriate time, but...' I just KNEW he'd come to his senses and was going to break things off. I was absofuckinglutely terrified - my whole fairy tale romance was gone. I know that I had to have gone completely white just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And then it got worse, I could tell that he wanted to say something but couldn't. Christ, I was a mess. Once he opened his mouth, he said a bunch of stuff that I don't remember, but I do remember him returning to the side of the bed and getting down on one knee, opening the ring box, saying a few more things (blah, blah, blah, blah - the lips were moving, sound was coming out, but I have no freakin' clue what he was saying) and then finally getting to the good stuff, 'GunDiva, will you marry me?'

Wow.

180 degrees from what I was expecting! I cried like a little girl and I'm pretty sure I asked him repeatedly if he was sure and if this was for real. I couldn't even touch the ring for, like, 20 minutes. I was afraid if I touched it that it would disappear. Once it started to sink in, he put the ring on my finger (which fit perfectly - amazing since he really had no clue about my ring size) and I cried some more. We're not planning on getting married for a while (think next year), but I'm certainly loving the promotion from 'girlfriend' to 'fiance' (or is it 'fiancee'? I can never remember).

Wow, huh?

Road Trip 7/16/2011

2011-07-25T21:08:00.000-07:00

The day before my birthday, RCC and I got a wild hair and decided to load up in Ripley for a road trip. It was a good choice, as I finally got to see a moose. Nebalee had told us that the Poudre River was running high and that we needed to see it before it receded. That was our excuse, but once we got on the road, we decided to just keep going all the way to Walden, down to Grand Lake, and across Trail Ridge Road. It took us six hours, but just for you here it is in 5:56.

A Pissed Off Momma and Lots of F-Bombs

2011-07-23T06:51:00.000-07:00

Consider yourself warned.

Digger is a legitimate dumb ass. I know that's not surprising since he's 19 and living in Wyoming in what is essentially a frat house.

But he got really stupid last night and he and his buddies thought it would be a good idea to brand themselves.

You heard me: Fucking Brand Themselves.

That's a legit hot iron brand.

Let's just say it's a good thing he's a LONG way from me right now, because I'd knock his fucking head off.

Here's how I found out:

Digger (on FB): So. . . judge me if u must. but i may or may not have legitimatly branded my ass. . it may or may not sting about right now

So I went to my "mole" Ashinator who takes pics of everything and found the previously posted picture. My comment to Digger:

Dude...I just saw the pics. You are a dumb ass. Bet you didn't remember that you tend to lean toward keloid scarring, did you? Yeah, that brand will look great. Time for your ass to quit drinking, the IQ of 12 doesn't become you.

I seriously cannot believe he'd do something so stupid. I'm all about a tattoo or two that mean something to you, but a BRAND that you got while drunk with a bunch of goddamn redneck fucking hicks that you'll lose touch with in a year or two is about as dumb as you can get.

I am so angry I'm shaking. I want to take my pocket knife and carve that burned ass flap of skin right off his useless body.

I hope it gets infected.

Wait...no I don't. Because then I'll be footing the bill for his dumbassery.

Ima kick his ass when I see him.

What I Learned This Week

2011-07-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

The cure for hiccups, courtesy RockCrawlinChef: go poop. The hypothesis being that the, uh, fecal matter is backing up in the colon and pressing on the diaphragm causing the hiccups. Of course, that only works if you're full of shit (and apparently he was, 'cause it worked).
Flatlanders can't drive in the mountains. Here's a little tip: rarely are brakes required when driving uphill. Usually gravity will help with the slowing of the vehicle if you just take your foot of the skinny pedal.
Popping a piece of Polar Ice gum into your mouth immediately after eating spicy chicharrones is a Bad Idea. You will immediately regret it. Trust me on this.
I'll do pretty much anything for $20 an hour. This includes getting up at the butt-crack of dawn (4:30 am) to go work as a phlebotomist for four hours before reporting to work at my real job. Luckily, it's only for three days. Unluckily, it's for a health fair at Campus Crusade for Christ. How is that unlucky, you ask? I have a mouth that could embarrass a sailor. I can keep it under control when working with patients by merely thinking what I want to say outloud. Only, being surrounded by so many super-religous people, I feel guilty even thinking bad words.
Studies have actually been done that show that cursing decreases pain levels, lowers blood pressure and helps to reduce stress. Do you have any idea what kind of pressure I'm going to be under after three days of no stress reduction? Like a pressure cooker, I have to be able to vent some steam or I'll blow. I'd be scared, but I've got some sessions scheduled with El Poquito Diablo. He's pretty good about withstanding my venting.
Birthday calories do, in fact, add up and count on the scale. Damn it.

39 Years, 364 Days

2011-07-17T10:39:00.000-07:00

That's how long it took me to see a moose.

I was beginning to think that I was moose repellant. It's a long story, but the only "moose" I've seen was up in Yellowstone and that one doesn't count.

Yesterday, RCC and I went on an impromptu road trip up over Trail Ridge Road and I *finally* got to see my first moose. A cow with twin calves. We got some lousy pictures...

Then we got in the car and drove a half a mile deeper into the park and saw this cow/calf pair...

RCC is going to do some photo magic so that they are easier to see, but there are two real, live (non-bison) moose. Yay, me!

Surprise!

2011-07-15T23:43:00.000-07:00

I work with an amazing group of people. The education team is more like family than co-workers, which isn't surprising since we spend fifty hours a week together. There are times when I see them more often than I see RCC.

Sometimes the long work-weeks and the fact that when I do get to see RCC, he's already in bed asleep, take their toll and I'm flat out bitchy. Wednesday, I was beyond bitchy. I was a Crabby Ass and anyone who crossed my path was going to pay.

I gave my class their final exam and was perplexed when the other "little dean" (we're both vertically challenged) came to sit in my class. When I asked him what was up, he just shrugged and said he had to get away from his desk. Being the Crabby Ass I was, I totally understood the need to get away from work - even if it was just to a classroom.

My students completed their finals in just under two hours and I gathered up all of my stuff to go back to my office. I damn near lost my mind when the door to the education department was closed - it's never closed and I had my hands full. I grumbled my way through the door and stomped to my office, only to find that door closed too and there was something covering the window. I didn't even see what was covering the window, I just knew that some damn idiot had shut my door and covered up the bottom half of my window. I was able to see just enough through my window to ensure it was empty and opened the door.

I got half a step in and stopped.

I couldn't figure out the mess that was my desk...

Then it dawned on my. My birthday! They were a few days early, which caught me off guard, but still made me giggle. I then stopped to look at my office door...

If I hadn't been such a Crabby Ass, I might have noticed there was something amiss with my door. The giant frog should have been a dead give-away.

So, my lovely education teammates bestowed me with 40 breakfast burritos (don't tell El Poquito Diablo - I don't think they're on my diet)...

Please notice the 40 cans of Coke on my office chair (don't tell EPD about those either). There were 40 live goldfish, each in individual cups, on my desk...

They even bestowed me with 40 effervescent denture cleaner things...

And Swedish Fish...

And fighterfighters! 'Cause my peeps know I love me some fighterfighters!

I can't even name everything that I found (and am still finding), all in multiples of 40. Took me two hours to give away the burritos and adopt out the fish (every department suddenly has a fish tank) and get my desk sorted out enough to get back to work, but it made my day that my team threw me a surprise office take-over.

Y'all, I 'bout peed myself...

2011-07-15T11:02:00.000-07:00

It's hot and humid here. I live in Colorado. I don't do humidity with my hot. I just don't. Come to think of it, I don't do humidity with my cold either.

Anypeeingmyself, bein' as it's hot and humid, I decided I was going to wear a *gasp* dress today - I don't have a lab class today and I can wear flip flops with sundresses. Win all the way around. I knew in my little pea-brain which sundress I was going to wear, but when I looked in the closet, I couldn't find it. It was no where to be found, which is a shame, because it's from a trip to Mexico and they know how to make cool, breatheable sundresses. Instead, the only coolish dress looking thing I could find was one I hadn't been able to wear in years. I was certain that there was no way I was going to get into it, but I thought I'd just attempt to pull it on to see how much more I had to lose to get into it.

I unzipped it and stepped into it, so far, so good.

I started to pull it up (fat people learn quickly it's better to step into clothes than pull them over your head - if you get stuck with your head halfway in a garment, you are both screwed and stupid looking). Again, so far, so good.

Got the arms in the armholes, no panic attack, no binding or constricting...still, so far, so good.

What the hell - go for broke - decided to try the zipper.

Up it went with nary a hitch. I did have to contort myself to get the zipper up the last two inches, as I dropped the pull-thingy and couldn't reach it, but finally managed.

The last time I wore this dress was easily 2006/2007 and I was twenty pounds lighter. I never really fell for that bullshit that muscle weighs more than fat, but I'm thinking that I'm living breathing proof right now. The dress is a little snug around the chesticle area, but that's it.

I was losing motivation to go to the gym - that whole heat/humidity thing is killing me - but the fact that I can get into one of my old favorite dresses had re-ignited my desire to go workout. Maybe by the time I go to HorseMaster I'll be back in my Wranglers (tried those on a couple of weeks ago - still five pounds to go before they're comfortable).

I'm really bad at taking pictures of myself, so if I can get RCC talked into snapping one later, I'll share it. Until then, I can't wait until he sees me in this!

Thought for the Day

2011-07-11T13:00:00.000-07:00

I'm not overly religious, but I thought I'd share something with you that has been annoying me for quite some time. It seems as though the "entitlement" attitude has even begun to infiltrate our prayers. How 'bout, next time you pray...Thank God for the good in your life instead of asking for something more?

I think it's high time we do more THANKING for what we already have and less ASKING for what we want.

Just think about it - when was the last time you saw a prayer request that simply said, "let's be thankful for what we have"?

*stepping off soapbox*

No, I don't know where it came from, but it's been bugging the hell out of me for months.

Dream A Little Dream

2011-07-08T19:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, RCC surprised me speechless when he asked if I wanted to go look at a house.

We are totally unprepared to buy a house - haven't even really thought about it other than, "one day, when we win the PowerBall..."

But...this last bout with our neighbors has just about done us in. I've lived in this house for about ten years; my neighbors directly south of me hated me before I moved in. Apparently, they saw no reason for a single mother with three young children to live in their neighborhood.

Though I despise our house, the kids and I have lived here longer than any other place. It was good for us to move in here - no shared walls, no college kid neighbors, and the best part - we were in the county. There's open space that the neighborhood kids call the dirt hills and the heathi spent their childhood much the same way I did: running around with their friends, exploring, getting dirty and doing things their mother would cringe at.

About the time RCC and I got married, the city began incorporating our little slice of county and the rules began changing. Oh, how our neighbors must have rejoiced! Even though we don't have an HOA, we now have to abide by city rules. Stupid ones that make no sense to country kids. Our neighbor is well versed in all of the city rules and has called the code enforcers on us for different infractions.

The first being Digger's car that was parked in the side yard. Yes, it was not running, but it was parked on our own property and hidden from the street. Even though it was a project car, it could not stay, even if we moved it to the driveway because it was unlicensed and uninsured. The car was a project car - there's no way in hell I was going to insure a car that didn't run and without insurance, I couldn't license it. We sold the car for scrap.

This last time was the straw that broke the camel's back for RCC. He decided to part out Tinkerbell, his rock crawler. He brought her home, started tearing her apart in our driveway, got most of the parts sold and we got a phone call from our landlord. Turns out our neighbors had filed a complaint with the code inspector for having an "eye sore" and an unworking vehicle. Now, it was obvious that Tinkerbell was being torn apart and parted out. RCC was very aware of our neighbor's hatred of anyone/thing associated with me and took extra care in keeping the tear down organized and running smoothly.

RCC's a country kid like me, and of the belief that if we want to work on our cars in our driveway we should be able to without interference from the city. Now that we are incorporated, we may only have our trashcan visible outside our house (other than our lawfully licensed and insured vehicles). For living in a neighborhood without an HOA, it feels an awful lot like one.

Anyrantanddigression, RCC is done with living in this neighborhood and hopped online to look at houses. Like I said, we really had not planned on buying for a while and are really unprepared to do so.

Nonetheless, this little beauty jumped out at him...

It's pretty much everything we've always discussed wanting in a house. Room for Estes...

Big kitchen...

Cozy living room...

And a small area for a garden...

It's pretty much in the middle of nowhere - the closest neighbors are 1/2 mile away and they are farmers/ranchers. There's little to no chance of it ever becoming incorporated, as the closest "city" is a town of less than 900 people and is located almost seven miles away. I'm good with that.

What really has me dreaming is the fact that not only could I keep Estes in the winter, but that we could also raise our own dinner. Hello little cow. Maybe we should name it "Tasty" or "Yumm". Crap, putting the cart before the ~~cow~~ horse again.

Aaaaannnndddd...there's room to build a berm and set up our own shooting range. Yes, you heard that right - our own shooting range. No membership fees, no driving to go out to the range, just walk out the back door and across the yard. I've already got a mental list of the guns we "need" and the steel I want to buy (Come to Momma, little Texas Star).

We so want this house. So badly it hurts. RCC's busy researching banks for mortgages.

Me? I bought a PowerBall ticket. 'Cause that's the way I roll.

4th of July Craziness

2011-07-05T21:33:00.000-07:00

Each year, we participate in the Allenspark Parade. This year, "we" grew by two, as Deejo and his girlfriend and her children have moved to Colorado. For the first time, The Girl and The Boy got to ride on the back of the truck and help throw candy.

Autobot and Kyzzer have been in gymnastics pretty much since they learned to walk and each year, their stunts get more and more impressive. This year, side-by-side round-off back handsprings...

Kyzzer stepped it up, performing a press on the truck as it was moving...

And I'm pretty sure we get to ride in the prettiest parade route ever...

I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe Independence Day!

Probably inappropriate, but what the hell...

2011-07-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

Texts from the Toilet Stall

While out shopping today, my gut started not feeling so well. Like most women, I only do that business at home unless it's an extreme emergency. My rumbly tumbly quickly became less than happy, so I ran off to the store bathroom (while praying that it was deserted). RCC was patiently waiting on me, so I thought I'd be courteous and let him know it'd be a while:

Me: It'll be a few minutes. I've got mud falling outta my ass.

Me: Didn't even get out of the stall before the next round hit.

RCC: Really?

Me: I broke out in a sweat.

RCC: You're gross.

Me: Nu-uh

RCC: Uh-uh

Me: Bad butt. Guess the body's not so happy with our recent diet.

RCC: Hehe I'm fine.

Me: Brat. I'm giving leaving the stall another go. Wish me luck.

RCC: G'luck

In the midst of my updating RCC on the status of my bad butt, Digger sent me a text.

Digger: Find anything for ur favorite son?

Me: Where?

Digger: As in a vehicle miss old timer. Did ya forget :P

Me: Haven't looked yet. I'm out shopping for parade stuff, that's where the confusion came from.

Digger: U suck

Me: Do not. Currently, I am less than sucking. I've got shit falling out of my ass, which is pretty much the opposite of sucking.

Digger: Thats gross. This is y old people shouldn't be allowed to text. (Don't you love that my son will make sure he uses the contraction for should not, yet shortens "why" to "y"?)

Me: Why? You texted me first.

Digger: Cuz ur gross. Anywho...I forgot

Me: Now leave me along so I can complete my job here.

Digger: Fine cranky

Me: I'll talk to you when I'm done turning myself inside out. Love you.

Yep. Those kind of text convos are absolutely normal in the GunDiva/RCC household. Aren't you glad I could share?

A Quick Shout-out!

2011-07-02T10:19:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I'm really behind on posts and I'll get caught up today, I promise. But first, I just wanted to put this out there...

Barnes & Noble's Customer Service for the nook *ROCKS*!

Eloise has developed a little crack on her faceplate - she's still functional, but the crack is getting bigger. My one year warranty expired in May, so I was hoping that I could just get a replacement faceplate. I was even willing to pay for the replacement, I just didn't want Eloise to have to live with the crack.

I called Customer Service and talked to the sweetest woman (I didn't get her name, though I should have), who regretfully informed me that my warranty had expired, but then quickly went on to tell me that she wanted to talk to somebody with more authority about replacing it. Remember, I just wanted to buy a replacement faceplate.

She put me on hold, talked to whoever she needed to talk to, came back on the line and told me that they were going to replace the whole thing. Eloise isn't getting a facelift - I'm getting a whole new Eloise. And that's a whole lot more than I ever expected.

If any of you are caught in the nook vs. Kindle debate and don't know which way to do - I've got to say, nook now has my unconditional support.

Monday Minute 6/27/11

2011-06-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

1 - What's a piece of advice you'd like to share?
Don't play leapfrog with a unicorn.

2 - Describe the last time you sat on the toilet screaming at someone to bring you some toilet paper.
Honestly, can't remember it. But I can assure you that if someone uses the last roll and doesn't tell me to buy more, I'ma kill me some people.

3 - Explain why anyone would want to eat sushi
A dare? A double dog dare? That's the only reason I can think of to eat it.

4 - Describe your perfect dinner - one app, one entree, two side dishes, and one dessert.
I've been thinking about this one for a long time and can't come up with a good complete meal. I guess it depends on my mood. My last meal entree is RCC's homemade chicken parmesean. To die for. As for the rest - not a clue.

5 - When was the last time you pissed the bed?
When I was a kid, I suppose. Can't remember that far back.

So. Far. Behind.

2011-06-26T22:01:00.000-07:00

I blinked.

June has disappeared.

WTF?

I have a ton of stuff to get y'all caught up on, but - as usual - am lacking in the time department. I will get caught up soon. But in the meantime, here are some highlights:

My bestie, Robs, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy last Friday, June 17th. That just happens to be my friend Squid's birthday, so happy birthday Squidy. Robs got you a baby.
Ashinator left for a month to see her dad in Arizona, where it's been 110* for the last three days.
I didn't make it to the next stage of Top Shot. I'm okay with that for now, but I'll give it another go.
I've been a shooting/riding fool, which is kinda part of the reason for my absence. I can either spend my days outside doing gunpowder/equine therapy or I can be on the computer.
My work schedule has been insane. Okay, nothing new there, but I'm actually working fifteen hours a day - don't have much time to even read a blog or two. Usually I can find 20 minutes to lurk.
I've increased my workouts to 4-5 days/week at the gym (2 days/week with El Poquito Diablo) and spend one day a week riding.

The good news is that I've actually got pictures for most of what I haven't posted yet. Bad news is I'll be creeping along posting here and there until I can find my rhythm again.

Why yes, I love the taste of my shoe.

2011-06-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

Tonight, ~~the Little Bastard~~ El Poquito Diablo had his cell phone with him while we were working out. He just had it piled with the rest of our stuff and I could see that he had some texts coming in, but he was ignoring them (which I so appreciate, BTW).

During the last five minutes of our session, while I'm grabbing a drink of water and getting ready to stretch, he sneaks a peek at his texts. Thinking it's his girlfriend who had been texting him and being the smartass I am, I look at him and say, "Tell the Sex Monster to hold her horses, we're almost done here."

He looks up, appalled, and very succinctly says, "It's my mother."

Oops.

Book Review: POSSESSION by Elana Johnson

2011-06-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

I've been following Elana for a couple of years now, both her personal writing blog and her query critique blog. I've loved the information she's given on both and was pleasantly surprised when I received an ARC of POSSESSION. From the back cover:

"Vi knows the Rule: girls don't walk with boys, and they never even think about kissing them. But no one makes Vi want to break the Rules more than Zenn . . . and since the Thinkers have chosen him as Vi's future match, how much trouble can one kiss cause? The Thinkers may have brainwashed the rest of the population, but Vi is determined to think for herself.

But the Thinkers are unusually persuasive, and they're set on convincing Vi to become one of them . . . starting by brainwashing Zenn. Vi can't leave Zenn in the Thinkers' hands, but she's wary of joining the rebellion, especially since that means teaming up with Jag. jag is egotistical, charismatic, and dangerous - everything Zenn's not. Vi can't quite trust Jag and can't quite resist him, but she also can't give up on Zenn.

This is a game of control or be conrolled. and Vi has no choice but to play."

I don't normally comment on book covers, but whoever designed this cover is amazing. Even if I hadn't received an ARC, I would have picked this book up based soley on the cover, which is absolutely compelling. My daughter saw the book as I was reading it and immediately asked to read it when I was finished without even knowing what it was about.

A cover like this could be hard to live up to, but Elana's work far surpassed the expectations set by the cover. I read it in one sitting. Even though I had things to do, I could not put the book down. I don't typically read dystopian novels, but I ate this one up like a starved man at a buffet.

The writing is tight and draws the reader in from page one. I opened the book, read the first paragraph, and stepped into Vi's world. I lived and breathed the world controlled by the Thinkers; I lived Vi's rebellion, pain, and confusion.

Vi's journey had me anxious, crying, and exhausted. At times, I didn't know who or what to believe. Hours later, I stepped back out of Vi's world oddly off-kilter and unsettled.

It wasn't until I finished the book and read the back cover more carefully that I realized that this is Elana's first novel. I've read literally thousands of books; I've reviewed a handful, most of which were first novels, and POSSESSION is the only novel that has me astounded that the author isn't a NYT Best Seller. It is still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that this is her first - usually the author is still trying to find her voice and niche. Elana writes with the polish and professionalism of someone who has much more experience under her belt.

Do yourselves a favor - visit the POSSESSION website and read the first two chapters for free. Then pre-order the book, due to be released on June 7th. I promise, you won't regret it.

TST - Captioning

2011-05-31T09:29:00.000-07:00

True Story Tuesday - the day that's not Monday; the day when you can look back at Monday and laugh. Head on over to Once Upon A Miracle to link up and laugh until you blow your morning coffee out of your nose.

Just for Rachel

I post a lot of videos between my eleventy million blogs and I've been trying to figure out how to caption them for Rachel. Only, I'm not nearly smart enough to do it. I think I know a way to do it using Windows Movie Maker, but it doesn't always recognize my Flip videos. So, I tried to use YouTube's automatic video captioning.

And, well, this is what it came up with for my Top Shot submission video (my comments in italics)...

headshots elephant (because that's the way to get the producer's attention - start with headshots)

and she can sense my early twenties (I don't know who "she" is, or how she can sense my early twenties)
and her friends (nor do I know who her friends are)
taught me how to choose (or what they taught me to choose)

just because it was fun

when three

you know

he could be the grates and parking

gave me a few instructions told me not to

expect too much

said that should be breaks

unity dot and i the extreme

and fell in love with steve (Steve? I've never fallen in love with a Steve.)

who actually performed for

a long time after that

they out your later he became

a stalker monique an extended period

twenty four cents

settle my

perspective shannon is a little bit different (ok, this part is true, Shannon is a little bit different, but I swear I didn't say that in my video)

probably other contestants

impact at depending on might everything she

did

during that big time

what's the situation is resolved

out of my life forever

tries to get out of my life forever

i want to continue to shoot

goal i came here to put my favorite places

in the world

extra

about twenty three steps familiar with it

anyway

and started shooting

italics lucky

quite a few people who were willing to help

me out this particular gunshot expiry female

friendly

so

and never felt stupid armenian asked questions

it's that time for me an expensive reality

here clinton's neatly

out here so later

a higher and that's why people started about

different sounds

during the time i've worked at the gunshot

i actually everything from twenty-two

or fifty-four so and four fifty locked

and said

things i get to do with a verdict against

was i got to borrow this i'm going to take

a

said really

and off

i hate exhibition ask your questions

what it means i have such confidence in my

ability do you want to show is that i have

to be seated our constructions never before

this time it never shuts the i'd never shot

any long-distance

premium

when our with

a friend of mine

uh... he should be the basics and a week later

to be honest but first let's get passports

were planning to have it

which means

impressive to him

and so impressive to me because i had no clue

that that was excellence four of us of shooting

inspected

whatevs

built the remington eight seventy (Yay! It finally got part of some of what I said mostly right!)

frumpy

receiver

basically just sold my

that x overseas rich here

possibly use it to deliver shotgun

and i decided what textiles

ever since stockings interesting she so of

course at all of the bells and whistles on

this

citrus hair (aw, shit, now fruit has hair?)

fifteen backstop vistaprint tripwire for him

at all

one of the reasons that i want to do

compete i think it did well instead

and apathy

city and not a worksheet international t anything

ingest

somebody who enjoy shooting at least like

acts

i've never back down from a challenge i'd

never turned down a chance to shoot anyway

including the big elephant (to be clear, I've never actually shot an elephant)

case party admitted new lecture

northern colorado i don't have any professional

experience somebody

professional training

but that's one of the reasons why i didn't

touch i don't have the additional pressures

that

shooters conveniently national titles

inspiron sixty

the oppression despite stuff

and tough enough to do this

i hate was a single mom for twelve years raise

three kids worked three jobs and still manage

to get an auction one eighty

sitting once stress-free

and i had yet to pick up a weapon that i haven't

fallen in love (Now, that part's true. I haven't found a weapon I haven't fallen in love with.)

the

the (End. The end.)

Well, Rachel, I tried. And I just have one question - does the automatic YouTube captioner-thingy madohickey have its mind in the gutter or what? I'm almost afraid to see what Mr. Daddy has to say about this.

Monday Minute - Nebalee's Birthday Edition

2011-05-30T11:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's the Monday Minute, but it's also Nebalee's Birthday, so I have to tell her Happy Birthday before we can move on to the MM.

Sidenote: Rach, you have to share with Nebalee...this is too obnoxious not to share :)

Okay, on to the Monday Minute...

1. Aside from your armpits, which body part of yours sweats the most?

Believe it or not, I've been thinking about this question since I received it last week. I still have no idea. I'm thinking my head, as I'm constantly wiping sweat off my face when I'm working out. But then, I could wring gallons of sweat out of my sports bra when I'm done working out, so it could be the twins that sweat the second-most.

2. You have two slices of bread. You can add one additional ingredient to make a sandwich, but as much of it as you want. What are you putting on it?

Turkey (maybe). I'm not a big sandwich fan. I'd rather just eat the slices of bread.

3. Can you put your entire fist into your mouth?

I don't know and I don't really care to know.

4. Open your email. How many emails do you have in your 'Inbox'?

Six, including this one, and that's a lot for me. I try to keep my inbox fairly empty. At work, I use it as my To Do list. Makes me crazy to have a full inbox.

5. If an adult male is taken for ransom, is that considered kidnapping?

Yes.

I think.

Where the hell do you come up with these questions, Ian?

Catch-up Summary Post

2011-05-28T21:37:00.000-07:00

I had mentally written individual blog posts for all of this, but ran out of time to get it all done, so here's a summary of the GunDiva/RockCrawlinChef household for the last couple of weeks.

Anniversary Gifts
Remember, a couple of weeks ago, when I posted about the perfect gift? Lucky for RCC, he loved it more than he would have loved the mixer.

I got him the video camera he's been drooling over for a while now.

It's a GoPro camera, specific for motorsports. He's already used it to film a trip up to the Lodge and has big plans for it.

As for his anniversary gift to me - he caught me completely by surprise. I was hoping for a Bosu, and you all know how much I heart the Bosu. I didn't get one, but I'm not one bit disappointed. What I got instead was a takeda cold air intake for Ripley.

Now, I know it sounds like an odd anniversary gift, but I'm really having a good time with Ripley's mods. Not only did it increase my horsepower and torque, but has already increased my gas mileage by three mpg. Maybe once the new-ness wears off and I can keep outta the throttle, I'll see a bigger increase in gas mileage.

Ashinator Made It!
It was touch-and-go there for a while, but Ashinator pulled it out and graduated from high school. I am so impressed with her artistic side, but that artistic side almost got her in trouble. She focuses so much and puts so much energy into her photography, which is absolutely incredible, that she doesn't put a whole lot of effort into her core classes. In true Ashinator form, she buckled down the last week of school and brought her grades up enough to walk.

Her graduation was at eight a.m. Who on earth plans a graduation so blasted early in the morning? Yeah, that would explain the ginormous bags under my eyes, but Ashinator looked amazing (as usual).

Grandma? Not so much.
Can we say false alarm? Cowgirl had her first "real" prenatal visit on Monday and turns out she's not pregnant, nor was she. Despite my reservations about becoming a Grandma, my heart is broken for Digger, who had wholeheartedly embraced the idea of being a father.

Unfortunately, the news destroyed their relationship. My fear was that they were getting married because of the baby even though they both denied it. Turns out that's exactly why they were getting married. No baby, no marriage. Digger's gut feeling is that Cowgirl lied to him on purpose about being pregnant, as their relationship was on the rocks and they were all but broken up before she "found out". I'm not sure what to think. There were some inconsistencies about her pregnancy right at the beginning, but they were easily explained. I don't know that she had any reason to lie or to go to such an extreme extent (scheduling a prenatal visit). I think that she truly believed she was pregnant.

Monster's Sixteen
Yep, my baby turned sixteen. It hasn't sunk in yet. Why is it that every time I look at him, all I see is my baby? He's forever stuck at about four in my brain. I just want to gather him up in my arms and not let him go. Ever. Being a teenager, he's not thrilled about that idea. So I'll just have to rely on my memories of when he was much younger and a total cuddlebug.

Stalled Out
I've increased my workouts to five days a week, with two-a-days on two of those days. Gymnastics Boy, who has now chosen the name Poquito Diablo, has embraced the challenge of getting me fit for Top Shot and has a whole new arsenal of torture.

Still...I haven't dropped an ounce since May 6. I'm slowly losing inches, but the weight isn't going anywhere. My bloodwork from the 9HealthFair showed that I'm hypothyroidic and my fabulous Nurse Practitioner started me on thyroid meds. Let's hope it helps me break this plateau.

Monday Minute 5/23/11

2011-05-22T20:22:00.000-07:00

1 - Think back as far as you can, what's the first tape, record, etc you remember listening to?

Rhinestone Cowboy - I think I wore out the grooves on that single. Now I can't stand the damn song.

2 - What's the first concert you've ever been to, the year and who performed?
Jackson's Victory Tour - sad, don't remember the year, but remember the concert. That's back when tweens listened to singers with actual talent.

3 - Ever bleed from your ass?
Do pregnancy hemorrhoids count?

4 - If you went to your Senior Prom and had a date, do you still speak to said person?
Funny story - my date, upon walking me to my door after prom, asked if I would mind if he asked my best friend out. No, I don't still speak to said person.

5 - Name the one television show that's no longer on the air that could have gone on forever.
I've been missing the Bionic Woman and the Million Dollar Man recently.

**********
Today is also Monster's 16th birthday. Typical Monster-style, he still hasn't figured out what he wants to do for his birthday.

I'm super behind on my blog posts...I'll get caught up soon, I promise. I've got anniversary stuff, graduation stuff, and stuff stuff. And a book review. Dang, I'm really far behind. Ugh.

TST: Sister Saturday Gone Wrong

2011-05-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

It's that time of the week again! I love me some TST - mostly because I feel so *normal* after reading everyone elses :) Click on over to Once Upon A Miracle to join up.

Nebalee and I have been good about working out on Saturdays. The first Saturday we worked out at my house, the next week was bring a guest day at the gym, so I dragged her along to work out there. Gymnastics Boy spotted us and ~~dragged us, kicking and screaming~~ invited us to join his Body Bootcamp class.

Even though we got our patooties handed to us in Body Bootcamp, we went back for more last Saturday.

We were again getting our patooties handed to us and were huffing and puffing along on the stationary bikes.

Nebalee: "At least this is like getting a free session with Gymnastics Boy."

What I said: "I wish I could just pay him to train me, I'd pay him $30 an hour and still save money."

What Nebalee heard: "I wish I could just pay him to hang with me, I'd pay him $30 an hour and still save money."

Nebalee: "I think that's called hiring an escort and it's illegal."

Me: "Huh?"

Hmmm...A Partnership?

2011-05-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

I opened my email just a few minutes ago and this is what I found:

Hello!

My name is Halley, and given the focus of your blog I am reaching out to see if you would be interested in a partnership with our company, StudyPoint (www.studypoint.com). We specialize in tutoring K-12 students, and after looking at your site I think that we could both benefit from working together.

Please let me know if you have any questions, and I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Kind Regards,
Halley

I answered with a "No thanks", but what I really wanted to say was:

"Really?! What part of my FOUR blogs makes you believe that we would have a beneficial relationship? The blog about shooting/gun handling? I didn't realize they taught that in K-12 education any more. The blog about horses/trail riding? Dang, where was that taught in my K-12 curriculum? I obviously went to the wrong school. The fictional blog, where I posted my NaNoWriMo stuff? Not sure at all how that would be beneficial to partner with a site that specializes in tutoring students. That leaves this blog, and where on earth do I give the impression (other than the fact that I work for a career college) that it is at all an educational blog?

"Oh, people get an education by visiting this blog, but not the kind that can be tutored for. We learn about important things like trichophobia and how far over the speed limit I drive running the canyon in Ripley."

Instead of randomly picking a blog to "partner with", it might be a good idea to actually read the blog. Just a thought.

TST - Young Ashinator

2011-05-10T08:17:00.000-07:00

It's that time again! I've missed the last couple of weeks due to a crazy work schedule, but don't let my lack of participation deter you - click on over to Once Upon A Miracle to join Rachel and Mr. Daddy.

Ashinator has always been a cutie-patootie. Here's one of my favorite pictures of the two of us.

Wasn't she a doll?

I ~~forced the kids to watch~~ shared Pipi Longstocking with the kids when they were just old enough to sit (mostly) through a video. I'm not sure Ashinator got much out of it, other than a fascination with Pipi's braids.

I don't remember who braided her hair, but I'm pretty sure it was Nebalee since I wasn't very good at braiding when Ash was younger. (And Nebalee's a rockin' aunt!)

We were sitting down to dinner one night and Ashinator had her hair in two braids (without the wire to make them stand out from her head - we had to draw the line somewhere). Bill, being Bill, couldn't resist tugging on one of her braids, to which Ashinator belted out...

"Don't touch my pee-pees!"

It took us a few awe-struck moments to realize she was talking about her "PeePee Longstockings".

Monday Minute 5/9/11

2011-05-09T07:22:00.000-07:00

It's baaaaacccckkkk! A meme like you've never experienced...The Monday Minute. Click on over to The Daily Dose of Reality to join up.

1 - Since so many of you were so willing to wrestle naked with another member of the same sex for a million dollars, let's say we double it to $2,000,000 and put it on PPV for all to see. Still willing?

Do I also get a cut of the PPV take? 'Cause if so, I'm in!

2 - You just found a $100 bill on the ground while walking around your neighborhood. What's your first thought to do with the money?

Spend it! On what, I don't know, but an extra $100? What else you gonna do with it?

If, however, I had seen who dropped it, I would give it back to them without a second thought. Losing $100 would suck big time!

3 - Mother's Day is coming up. Name one thing you learned from your Mother that you'd like to share.

Toughness. My mom is physically and emotionally tough. Not much gets to her.

4 - We all know that Nickelback, Kiss, Creed, Rush, the Foo Fighers and Axl Rose suck ass, name another band that should be added onto this famed list.

I'm going to lose some MM points for this one, as I'm drawing a complete blank here...

5 - Have you ever had a zit on your ass?

Yep. I divorced him in 1997.

Mother's Day times four

2011-05-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

L-R: Monster, Mom, Grandma Nita, Bill, RCC, Me, Junior, Digger, Ashinator, Mr. Nebalee, Nebalee

L-R (littlest ones): Autobot, Kyzzer, Asset

Texan Mama asked some of her blog followers for pictures of us with our kids. Since I don't have many of me and the kids (at least not in digital format), I dug through my archives and found this one from our wedding day in 2009.

When it came up, I realized how amazing this picture is. In it are four living generations. When Ashinator was born, we had five living generations of women, but we lost Great-Grandma just a month before Monster was born. Now it's up to Digger's upcoming little one to bring on the fifth generation again.

I'm lucky to have my family so close and to have been raised with so many amazing women. I have fond memories of spending afternoons with Great-Grandma. We did all sorts of cool things, like pressing flowers between pieces of wax paper and she was the master at making paper doll chains. No matter how many times she showed me how to do it, I never mastered it. Great-Grandma was a very hands-on fun kinda grandma.

Grandma Nita was living out of state when I was little-little, but when she moved back to Colorado, she brought the greatest present on earth: Grandpa Ed! He was the perfect balance for Grandma, who can tend to be uptight and want everything just-so. She was super tolerant of him doing crazy things with us, like hanging us from the doorknobs by our waistbands or rolling us up in blankets like burritos and then flinging us out of them.

Mom...well, you all know how cool my mom is. The Bionic Cowgirl...crazy woman who hops back up on her horse just six and a half weeks post hip replacement surgery. Now, when I turned eighteen, I was pretty sure she didn't know anything. However...when I got divorced, I realized that she was pretty much the smartest person on the planet.

I'm pretty lucky to come from a line of such wonderful women.

Happy Mother's Day everyone!

Sister Saturday

2011-05-07T08:58:00.000-07:00

Yep, it's that day again (I need to have RCC make me a badge for it, I think). The day when I run down my workout with Nebalee. Only, because of a phone call I got yesterday, I have to be much more serious about my workouts than I had been. Not that I haven't been serious about my workouts, but I didn't have a real reason for them other than to lose some weight and get into better shape.

That has to change. I have to be Fit, with a capital F and do it quickly.

Today was free guest day at the gym, so I dragged Nebalee along with some vague idea of what to work on. Gymnastics Boy had told me where to start, but I figured we'd play it by ear. Instead, when we checked in, one of the sales people looked at me and said, "you work out with Gymnastics Boy, are you here to do the Body Bootcamp?"

Number 1) I'm a little freaked out that people at the gym are beginning to notice when I'm there or not and
Number 2) that's twice in two visits that a staff member has singled me out to ask how it's going with Gymnastics Boy. Spooky stuff.

I told him we were just there to work out and we started doing what Gymnastics Boy had suggested. While we were stretching, I saw him and said hi. Big mistake. Guess who the instructor is for Body Bootcamp? First two guesses don't count. Guess which sisters got personally ushered into Body Bootcamp? Again, first two guesses don't count.

Got our asses kicked. It was a good time.

Now, I'm off to see my girl, Robs. I haven't seen her since Baking Day and I miss her terribly. Then it's to the range. Have to get some lead down range.

I hope y'all have an amazing Saturday!

PS If you didn't click the link about my phone call, you might want to do so :)

Ain't It Always The Way?

2011-05-05T10:41:00.000-07:00

Next week is our anniversary. RCC and I haven't been married but two years, so we're still trying to get good anniversary gifts for each other. I'm enjoying it while I can. Last year, we decided that we weren't going to get gifts for each other - we were going to take a weekend trip instead. So, being the dumbass I am, I took RCC at his word and didn't get him anything. He, being a well-trained male, didn't take me at my word and surprised me with Eloise.

I. was. not. going. to. screw. up. again.

I got him an amazing anniversary gift (no, I'm not telling you - we still have a week to go!). Ordered it this morning, it's being shipped as we speak. I tell you, this gift is amazeballs.

I was feeling pretty happy with myself. Finally came up with the perfect gift; he's been trying to get it out of me and I've been able to keep it quiet. So I'm feeling pretty good.

Right up until I walk into Sam's Club and see this...

...the exact Kitchenaid mixer he's been wanting since we've met. For the best price I've ever seen. And in the color I want. I know, I know, it's supposed to be his gift, but I get a say in the color.

Sonofamotherlessgoat! Really?!

I just order him the *perfect* gift and turn around and find his dream mixer? Ugh. What to do?

I'll tell you what I did. I got on the phone called him and told him that he'd better love the gift I ordered for our anniversary even more than he would love the Kitchenaid. I might become a widow if he looks at his anniversary gift and says he'd like the mixer better.

Start saving bail money, 'cause I might need it.

Return to the IBTC

2011-05-02T12:49:00.000-07:00

Anyone else remember the IBTC from junior high? Yeah, that would be the Itty Bitty you-know-what Club.

Was a member most of my life and was okay with it. Really. I had enough to (barely) fill an A-cup, but as active as I was, I didn't really worry about it. Then I had kids and I bounced (pun intended) from an A to a C and back with each pregnancy. While my ex-husband enjoyed it when the boobie fairy came, I was super excited for them to go away after pregnancy.

And then I got fat. Let's not sugarcoat it, when you jump from 124# to 189# in the span of two years, it's not "putting on a little weight", it's getting fat. Well, guess what came back? Hello, thought I'd never see those again. Can't say I was particularly happy about it either.

What I *am* happy about is the change from 38C to 36B!!!! Finally! A little more (okay, a lot more) working out and weight loss and I might be back where I started. Woo Hoo!!

I know it seems like a silly thing to celebrate, but I'm thrilled to be on my way to being a member of the IBTC again.

Sister Saturday

2011-04-30T20:21:00.000-07:00

Note: I never intended this to be a weight loss blog, but since I'm working so hard at losing weight it's no surprise that I have to write about it. If you're getting sick of reading about my struggle, I'm sorry.

Nebalee is super fit, to the point that she and her husband ran a half-marathon last weekend, which I find absolutely insane. We've been trying to figure out how to work out together, but I. don't. run. And she doesn't lift, not that Gymnastics Boy has me lifting anyway.

Now that she's done training for the half-marathon, we decided we'd work out on Saturdays. She's not a member of the club I am, so it's got to be something we can do at one of our houses. I've spent the last week running through exercises that Gymnastics Boy has thrown my way, trying to come up with a circuit for us to do.

Most of the exercises I want to do centered around my favorite piece of equipment, the Bosu Ball. I've mentioned it in the past, but when I was talking to Mom, she was having a hard time picturing it, so here's what it looks like...

It's an amazing way to work on your core. When Gymnastics Boy started me on it, I could barely stand upright for more than a few seconds, never mind doing any sort of movement on it. Now, we rarely work with it in the upright position. Nope, we use it platform up...

It's a lot trickier, but I can't wait to get my own Bosu and take it to the range. I want to stand on it, platform up, and shoot from it.

However, a Bosu is kind of out of my budget right now, so Nebalee and I chased all over town today looking for something we could use for stability. One of the other pieces of equipment that Gymnastics Boy has me use is a foam roller.

There are a ton of things we can do with this silly roller, so I picked it up, fondled the Bosu at the store and headed home to torture my sister. Isn't that what big sisters do?

As I've said, she's super fit and, well, I'm far from being super fit. I'm more like beginner fit. Gymnastics Boy has been working me hard, but I'm still a long way from being in any semblance of "fit". I chose some of my most hated exercises and away we went.

We started with a "pyramid" of sorts; 5 burpies (with a push-up), 1 squat with a dumbell, followed by 5 crunches. The next round was 4 burpies, 2 squats, and 4 crunches and so on. The only time I've done that pyramid, about a month and a half ago, it took me nine minutes to complete it. I didn't check the time, but we did it in a whole lot less time this go 'round.

We followed it up with a plank, our hands on the foam roller, which ups the ante a lot. While in the plank position, we alternated slooooowwwwlllyyy lowering our knees to the ground for 30 seconds.

Then it was up on the foam roller, standing on it, doing squats with dumbells for fifteen reps. That's one that I really enjoy. Not so much the squats, but the ability to balance on a foam roll and do the squats without falling off.

We finished off the circuit with my favorite push-ups. Normally, I despise them, but since they're the same push-ups that Demi Moore did in the water in GI Jane right before she shaved her head, they make me feel super powerful. Instead of doing them in water, Nebalee and I did them with our feet on a chair, about 18 - 20" above the ground. Nebalee said something about "downward dog" to "up dog", but since I don't do yoga, I have no idea what the heck she's talking about. Besides, "downward dog" doesn't sound nearly as cool as "the GI Jane" push-ups.

We completed the circuit twice, in about thirty minutes. Not bad our first time out. Even though the work out wasn't as long as what Gymnastics Boy would have had me do, it was still effective. Nebalee was a little sad that she's lost so much upper body strength, but that will come back quickly. I was thrilled that I was able to keep up with her.

Now I've just got to figure out new and inventive ways to torture Nebalee next Saturday... *evil laugh*

As a bonus, just because GI Jane makes me happy, enjoy this little clip...

A Whole Lotta Fun

2011-04-24T14:57:00.000-07:00

Or, one of my ideas of fun.

Our family refers to the drive up to the Lodge as "going up the hill" (not to be confused with "going out on the mountain", which means going for a ride). I'm not sure where that came from, but for the more than thirteen years our parents have owned the Lodge, it's always been "going up the hill". The phrase is deceptive as there is a 3,145 foot gain in elevation from Lyons to Allenspark in a mere 17 miles (or 16 depending on which road sign you're reading). Now, Mrs Mom and Mr Mrs Mom have been with me during one of my more sedate runs up the hill, but the fact is I *love* driving the canyon. Even in my old Honda Accords (there have been a lot of them), we made good time running up the hill. I've had sports cars pull out of my way when I'm running the canyon.

Ripley does a great job of going up and down the hill and has done an even better job now that she's got her strut tower brace. RCC videotaped our run up the hill on Saturday as one of his entries to the monthly video contest held by SoulHamsters. Since I had such a good time driving it, I thought I'd share it with you. From Hall Ranch, just outside of Lyons, to Allenspark our average speed was 65mph (around the curves), with our low being 55 when I mis-timed a downshift and lost momentum and our high being just over 70.

Just Because It's Not Monday

2011-04-19T09:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a .. .

Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic.. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?

Sincerely,
Anonymous

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!

Sincerely,
1985

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.

Sincerely,
That Little Triangle

Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that Door for the both of us.

Sincerely,
Jack
P.S. You let go

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed

Dear Michael Jackson,
You really should have became a Catholic Priest. The pay isn't great, but the benefits....
Sincerely,
The Pope

Dear Nickleback,
That's enough.
Sincerely,
The World

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.

Sincerely,
Black people

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely,
Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....

Sincerely,
United States

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.

Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely,
Al Gore

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear Mr. Gump
WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you're gonna get....
Sincerely,
Jenny

Dear Katy Perry,
I liked the kiss too.
Sincerely,
Justin Beiber

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream.... What now?

Sincerely,
Leonardo Di Caprio

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear Snooki,
GET BACK TO WORK!

Sincerely,
Willy Wonka

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper

Ripley Gets More Presents

2011-04-17T20:12:00.000-07:00

The surprises just keep coming in from RCC.

First was the absolutely kick-ass 3rd brake light...

Then, a week later, a custom-made gear shift boot...

And then, yesterday while I was at the 9HealthFair, he installed an SSD Strut Tower Brace...

Now, you may or may not know that I'm kind of a car girl. Not a true gear-head, though I married one. More of the breed of car girl that truly enjoys driving - really driving - and understands basic mechanical stuff. I've always had an appreciation for classic American Muscle (totally Mom's fault, BTW). And by appreciation, I mean they make me all hot and bothered. What I would give for an old school GTO. *sigh*

Anyway, Ripley is not even close to being American Muscle. Heck, she's not even close to being Korean Muscle (is there such a thing?). But she is a blast to drive and I've been known to run the canyon to the Lodge at, oh, I don't know, thirty over or so. While I enjoy the hell out of running the canyon, Monster has complained more than once about the amount of body roll on the curves. Apparently, going up the canyon at 70 mph or so around the curves isn't as much fun for my passengers as it is for me.

The SSD Strut Tower Brace has tightened up the steering and significantly reduced the sway. Ripley hugs those curves now like she was made for it. As much as I loved running the canyon before, I can't believe how much more I enjoy it now. In fact, I had such a good time test-running the curves around Horsetooth that RCC and I made an impromtu trip to the Lodge last night.

I'm still on a driver's high from the run up and down the canyon.

I've Got 30 Seconds... (totally random drivel)

2011-04-14T10:47:00.000-07:00

I really should be working, but I'm cross-eyed from grading homework and my brain is fried thinking about everything that I have to do for the 9HealthFair. So, I'm taking a blog break. Isn't that logical? Have a ton of stuff to do, really not enough time to do it, yet I'm sitting here on Blogger while my students are working away at their assignments, generating yet even more homework for me to grade.

I know you all have done the same thing at some point *grin*.

Tomorrow's Ashinator's senior prom. Tomorrow is also the Health Fair, which will take up a good part of the day. Then I have to take Monster to the Lodge to work and try to rush back down to meet the other jillion parents to do pictures. I want a time turner like Hermione has.

So...this prom of Ashinators. She and CJ broke up a couple of weeks ago. She managed to snag another date with a "friend". No problem, I went to my senior prom with a friend, too. Only, she and CJ are spending every spare second together. There was a week after the break up that they stayed in their separate corners, but for the last week and a half, they've been together non-stop. Did I mention CJ also has another date for the prom? Yep, a "friend" of his.

My problem is that Ash and CJ were together for so long, and I'm not being too terribly biased here, they were the "hottest" (best looking) couple in the school. Their final break up made many boys and girls happy. If I was a guy, I'd agree to go to prom with Ash as a "friend", but thinking all the while I might have a shot at her. Same with CJ's date. I suspect Friday night is going to be full of drama.

I've told them both that they should do the kind thing - set up their dates with each other and go to prom as originally planned. It's going to be miserable for their poor dates when they realize that CJ and Ash really did mean "friends".

I don't get it. I suppose I never will, but they seem to be happy with this sort of break up. I've asked Ash why they haven't just gotten back together already. She doesn't have an answer. Hmmm.

*****
Good news on the working out front - I've lost three-plus inches from my waist and an inch from my hips.

Monday's workout sucked ass. I had no energy and drew on reserves I didn't know I had. Sadly, I felt like it was a waste of both my time and ~~the little bastard's~~ Gymnastics Boy's. I've decided it's not nice to call my trainer "the little bastard", so he will henceforth be known as Gymnastics Boy. He's a former member of the US Junior National team. Know what that means? He has experienced lots of training torture and is now being paid to torture me.

Last night's workout? Effing rocked! I totally recovered from my Monday slump and nailed last night's. Can't wait to see more inches come off. (And they'd better come off!)

*****
Did anyone see Top Shot this week? They apparently had the shooters shooting from unstable platforms. When I saw the previews, the first thing I thought was that I'd ROCK that station thanks to all of the Bosu work that ~~the little ba..~~ Gymnastics Boy has me doing.

I want to be on Top Shot. Well, I did. Want to, that is. After seeing the high school drama going on and realizing that it is now "Top Bunk Buddy" instead of being performance based, I don't want to have anything to do with it.

But I'll still watch it, let's not get crazy here.

*****
Mom's been released by her surgeon to ride again, which is pretty darn cool. It's why she went through all of the pain of bilateral hip replacements and it'll be good to see her ride pain-free.

Now I wonder if we'll be able to keep up with her...

The Real Story Behind The Ashinator

2011-04-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

Some of you may have read this post about my daughter setting back the women's movement 50 years with her statement to my mom and Bill.

Number 1 - She told Bill not to say a word about it, so what did he do? Immediately blogged about it! Way to go, Bill! You get extra blogger points for that one.

Number 2 - Some important information was left out. Important, such as...she was "baking" cookies by taking Mom's pre-made frozen cookie balls out of the freezer and putting them on the cookie sheet to put in the oven. There was no domestic bliss going on there. We're talking about the girl who finds frying up a hamburger patty too much work and she'd rather not eat. Her children are going to starve, just sayin'.

After I got the whole story, I felt so much better. I was beginning to worry that Ash was sick or something - baking is not her favorite thing to do.

But she still can't change her own oil - neither can her father - so she's obviously a genetic mix between the two of us.

RCC Wins Husband of the Year!

2011-04-04T21:26:00.000-07:00

I knew RockCrawlinChef was up to something, but I had no idea what it was. He's been cagey for the last couple of days, but I had no idea why.

Tonight, he wandered outside for a few minutes and then told me to come out to see what he was working on.

I was perplexed when he told me to stand about five feet behind Ripley. He reached in the car and put his hand on the brake pedal. This is what I saw...

Is that the coolest brake light ever? It's even better than personalized plates (and costs a whole heap less!).

He found out about them here at SoulHamsters.com in their 3rd brake light decals. Cool, huh?

Way To Go, Graceful.

2011-04-04T16:38:00.000-07:00

You know all that balance work that the little bastard makes me do each week?

Well, it's NOT helping!

I took a personal day today so I could get Estes' pedicure done. Sent an email out to work letting them know I was taking a personal day and then promptly fell down the stairs.

What the...?

Yep, you read that right. I took a personal day and then fell down the stairs, not fell down the stairs so I had to take a personal day. Really?

I think it would have hurt less if I'd gone ass over tea kettle, but noooooooo my foot slipped out from under me and I landed flat on my arse and bounced down a million stairs, dropping my laptop in the process. Laptop's okay. My back is not. I felt the impact move up my back to right between my shoulder blades. I displaced a vertebrae in my upper back after Digger was born by landing wrong on a shoulder roll. On occasion, it slips out. Today, it had help slipping out. Sucked.

However, I was on my way to go see Estes, so I threw down a handful of ibuprofen and went on my merry way. Who needs to be able to breathe? Not I.

The drive sucked.

The cold sucked.

Seeing Estes sucked less.

Getting some Estes loves made my day better.

At least until the ibuprofen wore off :)

Workout Randomness

2011-03-31T18:56:00.000-07:00

I don't usually do the bullet-point posting thing, but it seems to fit with the total randomness theme:

With the exception of the last three years, I've been pretty fit my whole life. I kind of took it for granted. Taking it for granted sucks when you're trying to get back to being fit.
(Guys, close your eyes, you might not want to know this.) This working out thing has totally straightened out my whole wacky period thing. I was having the most bizarre periods for the last year, to the point that I asked my doc if I could go back on birth control just to straighten it out (she said no, BTW). I started working out and VIOLA! normal periods. Hmmm... (Okay, guys, you can open your eyes.)
My boobs are disappearing. I'm okay with that. I'm a stomach sleeper and they were in the way. (Oops, guys, you probably didn't want to see that either.)
But now I have to buy new sports bras. That sucks, because I just bought my current sports bras.
I see my trainer more often than I see my husband. That makes me sad. I really love my husband.
However, spending two hours a week with my trainer is making me feel better, which makes it more enjoyable to see my husband. I don't feel all fat and nasty around RCC.
Well, I sometimes feel all nasty after a hard workout - I hate the sticky, dried sweat feeling.
RCC has lost 35# or so since January 1st. Me? I've lost 9#. We both had more than 40 to lose - he's close to his goal; I'm not even a quarter of the way. That's kind of sad, too.
I've lost an inch from my waist, hips, calves and neck. That makes me happy.
I had no idea I had a fat neck (but the double chin should have given that away).
My trainer cracks me up. He's a young 'un, but we do a lot of laughing during my session. Mostly because we're both smart-asses.
He invents exercises for me. I'm not kidding, you can watch the crazy wheels spinning in that little pinhead of his.
That little bastard also gave me an exercise last night that he thought I couldn't do. It was a side plank with my upper leg raised off my support leg and then my free arm was doing rows with a resistance band. I nailed that exercise!
The problem with nailing the exercises he invents and thinks I can't do is that he invents harder ones.
A couple of weeks ago, he had me do a V-up ("teasers" for you pilates folks), log roll to my stomach and do flutter kicks for thirty seconds, then log roll to my back and start all over again. That one? Yeah, it kicked my ass.
I have a love/hate relationship with the Bosu ball. I love being able to see my balance improve, I hate some of the torture the little bastard comes up with. You can use the Bosu with the ball side up, like a FitBall or you can use it with the ball side down, like a balance board.
I've been doing exercises on the Bosu at almost every training session for two months - that Bosu and I, we're tight. Except for Tuesday. Tuesday, I fell off of it *twice* while trying to get on it. The guy working out next to me laughed his ass off. Okay, so did I. The little bastard almost peed himself he was laughing so hard. Third time's a charm - I managed to get on it and do my torture.
I'm not the only one talented enough to get her hair caught in a resistance band. Last week, another one of my trainer's clients did the same thing I did, only she yanked on the resistance band and lost a chunk of hair.
I almost threw up when he told me that.

And absolutely unrelated randomness:
My baby girl comes home tomorrow!!!!

The Post I've Been Avoiding

2011-03-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

And I'm still just sitting here with my fingers hovering over the keyboard...

Okay, the grandma thing.

Yeah. Not ready for it.

Digger moved home from Wyoming a few weeks ago to find a job, get enrolled in school, and find an apartment for him and Cowgirl. He had a sound plan. RCC and I were okay with it.

A week after he moved home, Cowgirl told him he was going to be a daddy. Scared the bejeezus out of me. He's my first born (read: my baby). Now, I know they already had long-term plans, but this really speeds things up.

Hell, I was just getting used to the idea that any girl he dated could potentially be a DIL. I was 18 when I got married, and I was thanking my lucky stars that at 19, he wasn't looking like he was going to follow in my footsteps.

I'm apparently very old fashioned in my thinking. I was worried about a DIL, not grandchildren. Now I'm getting both - and at a much younger age than I had anticipated. I had hoped that my kids would wait until they were older to get married and have children of their own. Afterall, didn't they remember how hard it was when they were growing up?

There is something to be said about having kids young, I'll agree with that. I mean, I had three by the time I was 23. My body bounced back after each pregnancy and I had the energy to chase after three kids and work three jobs. But the three jobs were the problem - who wants to do that when they've got little 'uns at home? I had no choice - I was married to an alcoholic who drank more than I made. I did college at the same time - took six years to get my bachelor degree. Who would choose to do that?

Being a young parent is hard, but it does have its benefits - I'll never deny that.

But there's something to be said about waiting, too. Being settled in a career, having a reliable income. Figuring out who you are as a person. All bonuses.

I never expected my kids to wait until their 30s to have kids of their own, but I had hoped they'd wait until they were at least 25 so they'd have time to do "kid" things - college (the "traditional" way), travel, lousy jobs.

On one hand, I'm cautiously optimistic about being a grandma. On the other hand, though, my heart's breaking for Digger and Cowgirl. They're excited and they both have good heads on their shoulders, but it's going to be a long hard road. I know that it's pessimistic of me, but our life didn't start coming together until just three years ago - I had hoped my kids would have an easier road than that.

RCC, however, is *thrilled*. He's excited about being a grandpa and is already planning on spoiling the baby rotten. He's a good balance to my consternation. It's no wonder I love that man.

My Sleeping Brain Is Kinda Smart, Sometimes

2011-03-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

I know I promised a more comprehensive post on the whole "grandma" thing. I'll get around to it eventually. I really will. Once the shock wears off.

Remember when I had the man cold? I whined and was basically pathetic for one week. Yep. One week. That's all it took to kick it. And then I was feeling pretty cocky again, because everyone else battled it for weeks. I only prayed for death for a couple of days during my week-long illness and then I bounced back and was feeling great.

Exactly two weeks later, I noticed a rash after I worked out. Wasn't a big thing, just an itchy rash under the elastic of my sports bra. I chalked it up to a sweat rash. But that stupid rash persisted over the weekend and began to spread. I didn't worry much about it, I just figured that I had spread the rash my scratching. Most sweat rashes are fungal, so it was absolutely possible for me to have spread it by scratching.

By Monday, the rash had spread from the area under my sports bra to my entire abdomen and I started to get concerned. Not to mention the amount of time at work I was spending scratching. It's hard to type curricula when one or both hands are otherwise occupied. I made an appointment with my Nurse Practitioner for Tuesday morning, opting not to go to the gym on Monday night just in case whatever I had was contagious.

By the time I got to my appointment at 8:30 Tuesday morning, the rash had spread to my armpits and back from my abdomen. Even more scary, it was trying to move south. Now, I don't mind scratching my torso like a monkey, but I wasn't going to be scratching *down there* like a male toddler who just figured out what was in his pants.

My Nurse Practitioner is an amazingly smart woman, who took one look at my rash and asked, "have you been sick? Had a cold or anything?" I told her no, forgetting that two and a half weeks earlier I'd been dying a slow, pathetic death because I had a head cold. She continued to look at the rash and said that it looked like pityriasis rosea, which commonly appears a couple of weeks after a viral infection, at which time I remembered my man cold.

Great. Now I had a diagnosis for my rash. What on earth was she going to do about it?

Nothing.

It's viral. Tincture of time is what's required.

Dang it.

So, armed with the knowledge that it's not contagious and it was okay to continue to go to the gym, I went for my usual workout with my trainer that night. I did okay during the workout. My trainer did a good job of keeping me occupied; I almost forgot that I had the rash. Until I finished my workout and the sweat started drying - then it was like taking an acid bath. Miserable.

The rash continued to spread in places I didn't want it to. By Thursday, my torso looked a lot like this...

Google images

It was sooo attractive. Let me tell you, you've never seen anyone change in a locker room as fast as I did. I was afraid that if anyone saw my rash they'd kick me out of the gym. It was a lot harder to concentrate on my workout, but I finally got completely focus and ROCKED my workout. My trainer and I were talking about my rash and when we were done, I thought I'd show it to him, so I lifted my shirt just high enough to show him my abdomen. He looked at me like I was the world's biggest wuss and said, "that's not nearly as bad as you described."

Huh? Was he blind? Did he not see the horrible rash that literally covered me from neck to hip? I wasn't sure how much worse he had expected it to be. In disbelief, I looked down and saw only a few spots. What the ..? Just two hours before I would have scared small children with the hideousness that was my skin.

I couldn't figure it out. It was like a miracle cure. I was seriously perplexed, but shrugged it off, only a little chagrined that my trainer thought I was being a wuss. I dragged my sorry butt to bed and fell asleep with minimal scratching (for which I'm sure RCC was thankful), hoping I'd started to kick the rash like I'd kicked the cold - in just one week.

Still with me? This is the part where I get super impressed with my sleeping brain.

About two a.m. it dawned on me...moderate to intense exercise releases epinephrine and cortisol - both of which are used to battle inflammation. Instead of using cortisone cream, I had inadvertently released my own cortisol systemically.

Voila!

Instant cure for pityriasis rosea.

At least until it wears off, which was approximately the same time I woke up absolutely impressed with my sleeping brain.

Too bad my awake brain isn't that smart.

Mr Daddy, this is your fault!** - TST

2011-03-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

True Story Tuesday - just do it!

Or, it may be the fault of my grandmother, who recently asked Digger when she could be expecting a fifth generation.

Digger, you didn't have to comply. I'm too young to be a grandmother. Hell, my friends are just starting their families. And, you...you're still a baby!

It could be worse, I suppose.

It could be me who's pregnant. GAK!

A more complete post will be forthcoming.

**Ok, maybe not actually his fault, but he has been calling me Granny GunDiva for a while now.

28 Hours of Hope Update

2011-03-11T07:18:00.001-08:00

...to everyone who linked up, re-posted, or donated to the 28 Hours of Hope. If you haven't donated and think you can make it through the day without your espresso, why don't you donate your coffee money for the day? Every little bit helps and together over $36000 was raised. There's still time to donate (about 45 minutes), so I'll leave the link in the sidebar.

Thank you all so much!

28 Hours of Hope

2011-03-10T07:30:00.000-08:00

In the three years or so since I've been blogging, I've seen bloggers who have never met face-to-face pull together to help little girls with cancer, mommies with cancer, people just having a rough time who need a shoulder to cry on and have seen the bloggers stand together, strong, through good times and bad.

I've been lucky enough to participate in the blogging community and have been blessed enough to help some of our fellow bloggers.

This time, I'm asking for help. Not for me, but for abused children in Larimer County. I was lucky enough growing up that my mom got us out of a potentially abusive environment. She took the beatings for us until she said, "enough!" and got out. She had a very wise counselor at the time who told her that she was going to get out of the marriage no matter what - she either gathered her courage and left, or she'd get out of it in a pine box. There were no options. He also explained that wife beaters don't stop with the wives - they move on to the pets and the children and when he killed her, who was going to protect the kids?

People knew about the beatings Mom was recieving, but what is there to do? Our close neighborhood friends knew, but, you know, what happens behind closed doors, how is it their business?

We kids knew. Hell, Dad would line us up on the couch in birth order and command us not to move when the beatings commenced. We knew, but we didn't say anything. It was our own dirty secret. If we told, we'd be the ones getting the beating. Selfish, I know, but we were kids. Dad was a big, strong firefighter. What chance did we have against him?

Silence was our enemy.

We didn't tell.

The neighbors didn't tell.

The teachers didn't tell.

Silence.

Thank God for Mom's counselor. I don't know if she told or if he figured it out. He was a smart man. Smart enough that he knew the patterns of abusers. When Dad started in on Junior, the youngest of the four of us, Mom realized her counselor was right and got out.

There are a lot of kids nationwide, not just in Larimer County, whose parents aren't as strong as Mom is. There are a lot of kids for whom Silence is their enemy.

They don't tell.

Their neighbors don't tell.

Their teachers don't tell.

Silence...

...it's killing our kids.

The Good Morning Guys at K99 sponsor the 28 Hours of Hope every year in an attempt to break the silence and raise money to help abused children in Larimer County. They will stay on the air for 28 consecutive hours, taking calls and pledges from the community and Country Music celebrities. They went on the air at 5:00 am this morning and will continue to be on the air until 9:00 am on March 11th. Jeez, and I complain about working fifteen hours straight - these guys will be working non-stop for twenty-eight hours for a cause they believe in.

RockCrawlinChef and I will be making a donation and I'd like to ask each of my followers to make one, too. It doesn't have to be a lot. Even $1.00 on your credit or debit card will help. The change in your car's ashtray or change jar will help. To donate, click here or on the picture in the sidebar, that will take you directly to the donation page. You can make a donation on-line, over the phone, or via mail.

If you can't afford to donate, then do something about the Silence. If you suspect a child is being abused or neglected, tell someone. Break the cycle of Silence. All it takes is a phone call to break the cycle - either to the police department or social services.

And, please, please feel free to steal this post for your own blogs or link to it. The more exposure we can get, the more we can help the children and break the Silence.

The Dangers of Working Out

2011-03-09T15:49:00.000-08:00

Most of you know I've been fighting the battle of the bulge. As with any battle, this one is fraught with danger.

I anticipated sore muscles and knees.

I already had a run in with my PSVT.

I've dealt with muscle cramps.

And foot cramps, which are the worst!

But I never anticipated that this little jobby would get the best of me...

It's just a little resistance band and while I've worried about them breaking, I know they're unbelievably strong and that I'm not BA enough to snap one.

Last night, I was working with my trainer and we had the resistance band looped around a pole. He had me facing away from the pole with one handle in each hand so the band was behind me.

So far, so good.

Now my trainer has me figured out. If I get to throw something, or punch something, or do anything to improve my shooting muscles I'm in. The exercise was to step forward with one foot and extend the arm on the same side, like I was throwing a hook to someone's jaw. Of course, I was good with that.

I took my position, stepped forward and threw a right hook with the resistance band in my hand. Apparently, I didn't have my elbow up high enough though because the resistance band came up over my shoulder instead of passing underneath my arm. Since I threw my right hook and really put my body into it, my ponytail swung with the momentum.

And that's about when thing went south quickly.

My ponytail swung around my right shoulder, right about where the resistance band ended up since my elbow was too low.

I completed my punch and relaxed back into the starting position. Well, I tried to relax. Once the tension on the band was released, it grabbed my ponytail and rolled it up like a roll up sunshade.

I felt the pull on my scalp and realized what had happened and froze.

"Um...release it...releaseit...release..." I practically begged my trainer.

At first, he had no idea what I was talking about. And then he stepped to my side and saw my hair wound around the band. I still couldn't move. If I let go of the band, it would have wound my hair up even tighter. I tried reaching forward again and only succeeded in pulling my hair more.

He sputtered a bit and fumbled around trying to figure out how to get my hair unwound from the devil band. I'm pretty sure I heard him muttering about a job description. I couldn't do anything to help since the mess was behind me and my arms don't bend that way. Eventually, he was able to take the band away from me and carefully unwind it from my ponytail before we both lost it.

I'm pretty sure that my abs got more of a workout from laughing than from any of the other exercises he had me do after that.

And sadly, that's not the only time my long hair has caused me discomfort...

Perspective

2011-03-06T13:45:00.000-08:00

I've been told that as we age our perspective changes, but I never much bought into it until recently.

In 2003, I'd gained a bit of weight and decided it needed to come off; after all, I weighed 139# when I gave birth to Monster and had ballooned up to 152#. I hit the gym, hired a personal trainer and went ape-shit trying to lose weight. After eight weeks with the trainer and doing two-a-days on my own, I had lost exactly 2/10 of a percent of body fat. I was the fittest I'd been since high school, but I was still, in my opinion, fat. According to the BMI charts, I was borderline obese.

I went to my doctor and armed with my record of working out and non-weight loss and she started me on phentermine in order to give my metabolism a "kick start". It worked beautifully. I continued at the gym with the trainer and two-a-days and added in soccer. I'd taken up soccer when I was thirty, but really got into it in 2004, playing on three indoor teams and two outdoor teams. The weight melted off, in what seemed to be no time, I was down to 124#. I felt great - I hadn't been a size four since high school. I went off the phentermine and held that weight for six months or so on my own, but it came with a cost. It took six days a week at the gym, for an hour and a half each day, plus hours of soccer to maintain that weight. On Sundays - the one day I didn't go to the gym - alone, I played almost three hours of soccer; an outdoor game near home and another in Denver. For over a year, I was able to maintain that grueling schedule of gym and soccer. In the summer, I added in working at the livery, grooming, tacking, riding, and feeding.

Then I got laid off from the family practice I was working at - suddenly my work hours changed drastically and I was working when normally I'd be at the gym. I was teaching full-time, which mean very long days - not that I hadn't been working long days before - but a different type of long day. I was no longer moving non-stop eight to nine hours a day at work; it was the end of the tourist season, so I was no longer doing physical labor three days a week at the livery either. I had to suddenly quit playing soccer, since I was teaching nights until 10 pm, there wasn't time for me to play any more. I added weight slowly.

I knew I was gaining weight, but it seemed to be manageable. In 2008, when RCC and I met face-to-face, I wasn't pleased with my weight - I was back up to 152#. Once we started dating and took up dance lessons, I dropped quickly to 141#. I felt good again. I had gotten the call from Heidi that I was to be a part of the cast of Horse Master with Julie Goodnight, so I felt extra pressure to lose more weight. I felt the extra pressure, but lacked the extra time. I could give up time with RCC to work out or I could continue to with our relationship. Honestly, I've been able to not look my weight my whole life. Even at 141#, I didn't necessarily look it - I was still wavering between a size six and eight. I could wear a six, but an eight was much more comfortable, which was what I ended up wearing on TV.

I got back from shooting Horse Master and got engaged the same weekend I returned. That started an in-ernest round of meeting each other's families and getting to know all of the future in-laws. My weight ballooned; by 2009, I had gained twenty pounds, so that on my wedding day, I was over 160#. Yikes. And it didn't stop, the pounds just kept coming.

I hit my all-time high of 189# in July of last year, before I got control of my portions. Working as a crew member for Horse Master, I lost five pounds in the five days we were shooting just because I was up and moving all the time again. I was thrilled and got control of my portions. People are actually surprised at how little I eat. A child's portion is often too much for me. One take-out meal can feed me for three days. That's also when I bought the Soda Stream and vowed to quit buying Coke for the house. I still drink Coke, but it's a lot harder to do when there isn't any handy.

At the beginning of the year, RCC and I both decided we had to lose the weight we gained. We gained it side-by-side, almost to the pound. Since he had previously lost 82#, it was important to him to get back to his pre-me weight, just like I wanted to get back to my pre-him weight.

I started 2011 at 183.5# and continued to change my diet and portions. In January, I lost four freaking pounds, getting down to 179.5#. In February, I hired a personal trainer and started hitting the gym again. I gained back a pound. I eat carefully, stopping when I'm full. I take my vitamins. I attend my training sessions even when I'm sick. I still drink Coke, but rarely finish one. Two, three drinks and that's all I need.

Throughout this whole thing, RCC has changed his diet. He's cut out soda completely, and now solely drinks water. He's very controlled in what he eats. A bowl of cereal for breakfast, a salad with protein on top for lunch and god-knows-what for dinner. He's cheffing at a dining hall - his choices are endless, so he never gets bored with his menu. He also never eats after 7:00 pm.

I've lost three pounds. He's lost 31#. And he hasn't stepped foot in a gym. That's what pisses me off the most. It helps that his job is much more physical than mine; he's working on his feet ten hours a day, I'm sitting on my arse in an office. It also helps that he's got an endless choice of food; I'm limited to what's nearby or what I remember to take to work. My snacks at work consist of one low-fat Laughing Cow cheese and five pretzel crisps (100 calories total) or one string cheese. I also keep Harvest Bars on hand, but can only eat about 1/3 - 1/2 of one before I'm full.

And, before you all yell that I need to cut out my Coke drinking, I'm just going to say that you all can go fornicate yourselves. I don't do a whole lot that's bad for my body, leave me alone about my Coke drinking. Hell, I only have alcohol a few times a year and I don't smoke or do drugs, so excuse me while I indulge in my one bad vice.

So, on Friday, I ended up back in my doctor's office, again armed with my food diary and my work-out plan. Again, she's put me on phentermine. The lowest dose, as I want to be able to sleep at night and the higher dose is not conducive to sleep. I'm hoping that the little boost will be what I need to start seeing results. At the rate RCC's losing weight, it will only be another two weeks before he weighs less than me, and I can't have that.

I know, you all are asking yourselves what this has to do with perspective, since that is this post's title. You see, I've been doing a lot of thinking about me and my body in the last eight weeks. I've even pulled out old pictures from when I was 124#. I felt great then, and I thought I looked great. But now when I look back at those pictures, I long to be that weight, but I honestly looked anorexic. Deejo told me when he saw me for the first time after I'd lost the weight that I'd lost all of my curves. I can see now that he was right. I was little more than muscle and bone, and not even well defined muscle. I wasn't skinny-flabby by any means, but I looked unhealthy. My trainer at the time had the balls to tell me that I still had nine pounds to lose before my abs would be better defined. At least I had the good sense to tell him to go to hell; I wasn't going to put the work in it would take to lose another nine pounds.

I look back at the pictures of me on Horse Master and remember how fat I felt, but I don't look bad in the pictures. I look healthy, even though according to the BMI charts, I was overweight at 141#.

Here I am, at 180.5#. For the first time in my life, truly fat. Almost morbidly obese according to the BMI charts (BMI 34), certainly obese enough to qualify for lap-band surgery (which I won't do - ever) and my perspective has changed yet again.

The thought of being a size four or six is tempting, but when I look back at what I looked like as a size four, I think I'll pass. Besides looking anorexic, it took a lot of time away from home to maintain that. Six days a week at the gym for an hour and a half; two 90-minute outdoor soccer games; and three 44-minute indoor soccer games, plus travel time to and from Denver for four of the teams. All in addition to working three to four jobs - the clinic (FT), the college (PT), the gun shop (PT) and, in the summer, the livery (PT). That adds up to a lot of time away from home. I understand that when I was doing that, I was hiding from home. I took the kids with me to all of my soccer games, but home was too stressful, I didn't want to be there. The real world - where there wasn't enough money to pay the bills and the crushing loneliness of being a single mom and not wanting to face the break-up of what I thought was the most amazing relationship I'd ever been in - waited for me at home and I didn't want to be there.

Now, I want to be home. I have an amazing husband, great kids, and a job I love. There's no reason for me to hide out any more, which makes it a little harder to throw myself back into the frenzy I'd maintained before.

In honestly appraising my photographic past, I'll always want to be that skinny little girl of 2004 - 2007, but skinny's not happy. I want happy, which just happens to be a little chunkier than skinny.

Size eight, here I come!

The Man Cold

2011-02-27T10:48:00.000-08:00

I don't get sick often, which is probably why I am such a baby about it. The last time I was sick was October 16, 2009. How do I know that? Because I blogged about it. That's how rarely I get sick enough to turn into such a ~~man~~ baby about it.

I try not to be a baby, I really do, but I hate being a mouth-breather due to the tons of concrete snot inside my face. I hate the fact that I can hear the fluid move in my eustacian tubes. I hate not being able to get comfortable. See the pattern here? Being sick makes me unhappy and when Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

RockCrawlinChef has been sick for two weeks. He's been coughing up multi-colored lung cookies all night long. Has he whined about it? Nope. He's a much better woman about being sick than I am. Just went to the store one day and bought himself a bottle of NyQuil dosed himself up and went to bed.

How many of you started singing Denis Leary's NyQuil song when you read what RCC took? It's thanks to Mr. Leary that I can properly spell it, "Big N, little y, giant fucking Q", and then I have to mentally sing the whole NyQuil song in my head. Thanks a lot, Mr. Leary, I'm going to be singing that stupid song all day long.

I'm going to curl up with my Advil Cold & Sinus and snot rags and take a nap. Mostly because it's too much effort to get out of bed and go to the couch...

Oh, and it just dawned on me that this is my 400th post! That's like a milestone or something. My mucus-infested synapses aren't firing well enough to think of something to do to celebrate this post. Hmm...

Didn't Quite Dodge The Bullet

2011-02-25T20:46:00.000-08:00

Since before Christmas break, everyone around me has been sick. The other Associate Dean started it all off with a nasty upper respiratory infection that he passed on to a couple of the instructors. Christmas break came and I escaped the college for a week. When I returned a whole new virus was circulating; again wiping out instructors right and left. Then our Dean got sick. Through it all, my bulletproof immune system stayed strong. Woo Hoo!

Then RCC got sick. Some nasty URI again. I *thought* I'd dodged that bullet, too. It's been going on three weeks since he got sick. With a viral incubation period of 10 days to two weeks, I was sure I'd avoided his lung-cookie producing URI.

Monday, I woke up with half a ton of concrete in my left sinuses. Aw, crap. I took some of my favorite drug on the planet, Advil Cold & Sinus and felt better. I still felt a little under the weather, with achy joints and a face full of ~~cement~~ snot. I went to work out with my trainer, but just went through the motions. My heart was definitely not into working out.

Woke up Tuesday morning feeling a whole lot better. Worked out again - one hour on the treadmill. Still felt mostly good.

Woke up Wednesday feeling human. Worked out again - half hour on the elliptical machine. Was bored shitless. Even with Eloise, I just couldn't stay on the dang thing.

Thursday - a full ton of concrete in both sides of my face. Great. Worked my usual fifteen hours, hopped up on cold medicine. Some Advil variation of their Cold & Sinus. I wanted my favorite, but I couldn't buy it off the shelf - it has to be purchased via the pharmacy, which isn't open before I have to be at work.

Today. Well, I can now say that I have not dodged that sickness bullet.

But I gave it a hell of a run for its money. I've been knee-deep in sick people, both at work and at home since the beginning of December.

I'm even going to blame the snot packing my head for the one-pound weight gain I had this week. There's nothing quite like attempting to work your ass off only to find that you've *gained* a pound. Bah!

Which is Worse?

2011-02-22T12:10:00.000-08:00

A Monday on a Monday,
Or a Monday on a Tuesday?

Pretty much a toss up for me.