Sunday, January 22, 2012


We all know what assume means?  It means you make an ass out of, well, just me.

Digger moved back home in June with the whole pregnancy scare thing.  All American, who is Digger's best friend, moved in just after Thanksgiving when he and his live-in girlfriend broke up. (<-- not quite sure how that happened; the moving in part, not the breaking up part.  His ex is a bitch to the extreme and I would gladly run her fake-tanned, bottle-blond, bitchy ass over. Take the worst of Teen Moms and triple it, that's All American's ex.)

So, the other night, RCC and I were already in bed when I heard the boys come home about midnight.  I had just gotten enough sleep that it woke me up and I couldn't immediately go back to sleep.  The boys were wound up and they had obviously brought people home with them, which started the slow simmer of my temper.  RCC and I had to work in the morning and they were down stairs laughing and having a good time.

I was starting to get cranky, but still didn't want to exert the energy to get up, get dressed and go kick some 20 year-old ass, but the thought kept growing.

I start to fall back to sleep and I hear it, "psshh", a can being opened, some giggles and another can being opened.  Oh, hell no!  Those boys are not downstairs drinking beer in my house!

My slow simmer started gaining momentum and I thought even more seriously about getting out of bed, getting dressed and going down to kick some 20 year old ass.  But then, even that thought pissed me off - why should I have to get up, get dressed, and go kick some ass?  Those ingrates should have some respect!  I compromised, I picked up my phone and texted All American, told him to keep it down.  I sent Digger a message telling him to rein in his boys before I had to do it.

About four a.m., I was D-O-N-E.  I shot up out of bed, startling RCC, and started getting dressed to go kick some 20 year old ass.

And then I heard the front door shut and it got quiet, so, ass-kicking got a bye and I went back to bed, still fuming about the audacity of those ingrates bringing friends home for drink and debauchery.  I went to bed knowing that this is what my living room would look like in the morning...

Imagine my surprise when I finally dragged my exhaused self out of bed for work and saw piles of this instead...

Did you know that the sound of a Dr. Pepper being opened is exactly like the sound of cheap beer?



Allenspark Lodge said...

You are lucky it wasn't Red Bull or something. Would have been MUCH later than 4:am.


Michelle Hoad said...

At least they have good taste in beverages. Although around here, my kids know that drinking my dr. pepper is grounds for an ass whipping too.

Anonymous said...

Any piles of cans would have still torqued me though. And good to know that Digger was being a good kid.


Rachel said...

Umm... well, firstly - if I'd hear cans opening in the wee hours, I would have jumped out of bed and praised the Lord I could hear.

Then I woulda made my kid deaf for awhile for being so noisy.

Glad it ended well :)