Saturday, February 13, 2010

Why I Love The Gun Shop

Well, actually, sometimes I hate it.  But then there are days like today.  Here's a very small sampling of our phone conversations today.

Ring, ring.
"Good morning, Gun Shop.  This is GunDiva, how may I help you?" (I totally rock at answering the phone, unlike the guys, just so you know.)

"Yes, I just talked to corporate and they told me to call you."  (Corporate?  We don't have a corporate, but being the bright one I am, I quickly deduce he's talking about a gun manufacturer who we do warranty repair work for.)

"Great.  What can I do for you?"

"The nickle plating is peeling off of my pistol and S. at corporate told me that you guys would fix it for free."

"No problem," I begin to give him shipping directions.

"Well and there's a problem with the ejector.  Sometimes it doesn't eject and sometimes it double feeds.  Can you fix that, too?  S. at corporate told me you'd fix it for free since it's got a lifetime warranty."

My brain filter failed at that point, "So, your real problem is that the gun doesn't work."

"But the nickle plating is peeling off and she promised that you'd re-plate it for free."

"Yes, we will.  But, the gun doesn't actually work, right?"

"Right, but you'll fix the nickle plating?"

At that point, I handed him off to our tech, who will actually be doing the repair work.  But I couldn't get over the fact that he was more upset about the finish on his gun than the fact that his gun didn't freaking work! 

Don't know about you, but I'd rather shoot an ugly gun that, you know, shoots than own a pretty one that doesn't.
---
Ring, ring.
"Gun Shop.  Help ya?"  (See?  I told you, I rock at answering the phone compared to the guys.)
Pause, a head nod.
"You do realize we're a gun shop?"
Pause, deep breath.
"Ma'am, we only advertise with companies that support our Right to Keep and Bear Arms."  (Ok, he gets the line of the day for that one!)

Apparently, the advertising rep who wanted our advertising dollars did not work for a company who supported our Right to Keep and Bear Arms, for she reportedly said, "Oh.  Um.  Have a nice day," and hung up.
---
And, finally, here's a sampling of an actual resume that the owner received...
"I have spent a good part of my life in the woods and consider myself a very experienced hunter and fisherman.  I also lived in a cabin in the mountains, surviving by foraging off the land and hunting raccoons for furs to sell.  I trained my dog to tree the coons and because I couldn't afford a gun, I would knock them out of the tree with a rock and finish them off with a handmade club.  I'd then skin and freeze the pelts and once a month I would get a ride to the traders to sell my furs.  I learned several lessons that stay with me to this day. 1.  Only the strong survive.  2.  Hunting at night alone in the mountains with only a club and a pocket full of rocks can be very unnerving.  3.  I never want to eat another raccoon again as long as I live."
I'm sorry, but you can't make this shit up.

12 comments:

Allenspark Lodge said...

So..umm...the resume... Was this person after a position as a rock, or a club salesman?
Bill

Rachel said...

I was laughing already at your post, and the comment above mine was the perfect response!

Sorry... I know too many people who care more about the finish rather than the function. That's ridiculous to call in and be less concerned that your gun DOESN'T WORK! wowza

K. Erickson said...

To quote the great Tommy Lee Jones whose only known character defect is that he was roommate to Al Gore for four years at Harvard: "Lose that nickel plated sissy pistol and get yourself a Glock."

This is too funny. I really need to go get a part time job at a gun store. Perhaps I should submit a resume which says "will work for guns".

Mrs Mom said...

LMAO--- oh yeah girl. Dear Husband comes home with tales like that as well.... (Not to mention some of the IN STORE encounters!)

Pretty gun Dude must be planning on just... throwing the bullets at Bad Guy by hand huh?

GunDiva said...

Bill - we decided he needed to apply at Jax, in their survival department.

Rach - He probably has a trophy wife, too.

K - You know, that's the best line in the whole movie!

Mrs. Mom - some of the in-store encounters are from the Twilight Zone, but yesterday was all about the stupid phone calls.

Candance said...

Re: the resume-I had no idea my brother was considering a move to Colorado, but I am super proud of him for actually applying for a job ;0).

Yes, I do have a brother that is very much like Grizzly Adams of the resume. We don't talk about him much.

GunDiva said...

Candance, we all have one somewhere in our family trees. Sadly, I may be that one in our family.

Quixotic said...

"No Ma'am, we don't want to advertise in PETA's newsletter."

T!nK said...

so did he get the job?!

double feed... could that be a firing pin problem or am I just pulling shit out of my ass?

T!nK said...

on second thought...

i'm most likely wrong.

Sara said...

Okay, that shit is funny.

That's one of the finest resume excerpts I've ever seen.

Do you feel kind of like a bad ass talking about guns all day? I would.

Resentful Wife said...

HAHA! I love that! It almost sounded like the author of the letter was hoping to get a free gun by making the owner feel sorry for him having to hunt racoons with a club! smart guy!