Thursday, June 24, 2010

Random Meeting Thoughts

Warning: Foul language post today.  If you don't want to read bad words, click the little red "X" in the upper right-hand corner.  Also, if I work with you, this is totally not about you, it's about all those other idiots in the meeting.  If you're a co-worker reading this, I totally love you.

Here's a quick sampling of the thoughts that run through my brain at meetings:
  • Good Lord, if that woman doesn't shut the hell up, I'm going to swallow a bullet.
  • Oh. hell. no.  I'm not going to swallow a bullet, but I just may kill her with it instead.
  • Will my co-workers help me post bail if I go up for homicide?
  • Seriously, is there an abundance of stupid today?
  • That's it.  I'm going to fucking kill her.  Who gives a damn if my co-workers won't pitch in for bail?
  • Will she ever shut that big mouth?
  • Well...I see someone is fond of flaunting an uneducated opinion.
  • Jee-sus Christ if he would let someone else talk, he might learn something.
  • Didn't the mediator just clarify that point three times?  Oh, that's right, she couldn't hear the clarification because she was flapping her gums.
  • Can I dig my eyeballs out with this pen?
  • No, I'm going to stab this pen in my ears instead, then I don't have to hear that voice.
  • I wonder if I could hire that guy who came to enroll with the 20 year-old felony for throwing Molotov cocktails to kill all these people who are pissing. me. the. fuck. off. 
Obviously, this was one of those days when just the fact that there were other people being allowed to breathe got on my last nerve.  Mostly, I have a good time in meetings.  Today, I was homicidal.  And I wasn't the only one.  At one point, two other people were arguing so loudly we thought they were going to go to blows. 

I put a stop to it before it went to blows and then instantly regretted it. 

It might have been a fun diversion.


Allenspark Lodge said...

Don't stop them next time. Just say "Hold that thought, I've got to get me some popcorn".

GunDiva said...

Brilliant! The librarian was going to sell tickets.

Dual Mom said...

You have to love a good staff meeting! lol

Aren't you off for the summer?

K. Erickson said...

Never underestimate the power of the stupid side. Apparently, it will get you into many a high paying job including world famous companies like BP as well as the government.

Melanie said...

So glad that I wasn't the only one contemplating homicide yesterday!! I'm relieved. If by chance we go to jail at the same time for murdering someone, will you be my penpal?

Sara said...

I'm glad you didn't swallow a bullet. Mostly because then you couldn't use said bullet to shove up her nose while you strangle her.

Why is the dumbest person in the room always the one that insists on talking the most?

Vinomom said...

That would be awesome if I saw two coworkers duke it out. Haha.

I'm having one of those MONTHS here. I can't fucking stand work and I'm boring the hell out of everyone cuz I can't stop complaining about it either.

Hope the rest of your week was better.

Mr. Daddy said...

OMG!!! I think that I fell asleep and was having a flashback dream.

I had to attend contract negotiations Tuesday...

How can stupidity be so rampant????

"If a man is a fool, you don't train him out of being a fool by sending him to university. You merely turn him into a trained fool, ten times more dangerous." ~Desmond Bagley

Loved the conversation going on in your mind...
thanks for the chuckle, I really needed it today....

You might like this one also....
"Did you know America ranks the lowest in education but the highest in drug use? It's nice to be number one, but we can fix that. All we need to do is start the war on education. If it's anywhere near as successful as our war on drugs, in no time we'll all be hooked on phonics." ~Leighann Lord

Janet said...

I'm not the least bit offended. In fact, I've had many of those same thoughts the past few days at work!

Mad Woman said...

In my line of work we rarely have meetings, but when we do I get many of the same thoughts run through my head. Usually they're aimed at the person chairing the meeting though.