I know I don't look much older than 18 myself, so I know it's going to be really hard for you to believe that I could possibly have a daughter who is just turning 18.
Rather than getting all sappy about my little girl getting all growed up on me, I thought I'd share a funny story about her birth (don't worry, she knows about this story).
I knew, from Digger's birth, that I don't do well with babies that don't look like babies. Giving birth is a dirty, slimy, bloody business and I do much better once the baby's been cleaned up and looks like a baby. Armed with that knowledge, I asked the doctor not to place Ashinator on my bare belly after her birth.
I understand why they do it. I know that the majority of women love it and feel that it helps them begin to bond with their baby. I, however, had no desire whatsoever to have a slimy, bloody baby plopped down on my jelly belly.
I made my wishes very, very clear to the doctor and nurses. I told them they could plop her down on my jelly belly as long as they put a towel down first.
So the time comes. I manage to birth my second child and the doctor immediately flops her slimy, bloody body down on my bare jelly belly.
That's when the dry heaves started.
I'm sure I made quite an impression (probably not a good one) when, between retching bouts, I told them to get her off of me!
Yep, I almost threw up on my beautiful daughter. How's that for a "welcome to the world, baby, we love you"?
Even if I had puked on her, I'm sure she would have still grown up into the beautiful young woman she has...
And - any dirty old men out there who might be getting their jollies by looking at my gorgeous daughter - remember that I earned the nickname GunDiva and I am armed.