Saturday, November 17, 2012

The Text I Hoped I'd Never Send

Friday, Jay sends me this text: "Are you on your way home?"

And, sadly, I had to answer: "Got arrested.  Just bonded out."

I'll let that sink in a little bit...


Had time to digest that?




It sucked.  Lots and lots.

You see, my youngest, Monster, has a bit of a substance abuse problem and got picked up for possession of marijuana and paraphernalia.  Since he's a minor, the cops took him to "the hub" and chose to ticket and release.  So he called me to come pick him up.

Only, you remember when my cat beat up the neighbor's pretend dog?

yahoo images
Only, I couldn't find a picture of a cat beating up a Shih Tzu,
probably because they're not real dogs and don't show up in the
cat vs. dog image search

Well, I kind of got ticketed for that.  Apparently, it's illegal for cats to be "at large" in the city limits.

It's a dumb fucking ticket.

Well my court date came around and I couldn't get the time off of work (yes, I know my employer is *supposed* to give me time off for court, but there wasn't anyone qualified to cover my class), so I called the court.  They said it would be okay for me to just mail in the fine.  So I asked how much it was and I was told that I'd be notified by mail.

Three days later, I received a bench warrant.  Notified by mail, alright.  Bastards.

I work with an attorney who said it would be just a matter of a phone call to have my bench warrant removed as long as I was willing to pay my fine.  Because it's a dumb fucking ticket.  But my attorney friend has a bit of an attention problem.  So for the last year, I've been trying to get him to make that stupid phone call so I can pay my fine.

Anyway, I got called into the hub to meet the popo who had my son.  And they wanted ID.  And I knew I was sunk.

All I could think about was Momma Fargo's stories and I was bound and determined not to end up on my arresting officer's blog.  I was not going to be a dumb shit.  Well, I wasn't going to be more of a dumb shit than I already was.

What I learned from my experience:
  • those bracelets aren't actually very pretty
  • nor are they comfortable
  • anyone not fun-sized must have to be shoe-horned into the back of a police car
  • sitting in the booking area is a lot like sitting in the DMV, only better, because at least there's a TV in the cop shop
  • but being surrounded by tweakers and creepers isn't very fun
  • even the fuzz thinks that a ticket for a "cat at large" is a bullshit thing to be arrested for
  • it sucks and I don't want to ever go through it again, so I'll be taking the day off of work, whether or not I can get a sub, to attend my court date.


Candance said...

Did you put on lipgloss and smile in your mugshot? These things do end up online you know.

And, even though you got arrested for one of the dumbest reasons on the planet, you are now officially a bad ass. You can talk about your time in the big house now and say things like, "As a former convict..."

I bow down to your greatness.

Mrs Mom said...

OMG... I'd be laughing my arse off rolling on the floor 'cept I know you can shoot and I don't wanna get shot in the arse... LOL

Now, dont you need some kinda dang permit to contain that freaking Mountain Lion of yours? HA~

Mrs Mom said...

Oh!! OH!! YEAH!! You can say stuff like, "I'm not afraid to go BACK to jail" and give the offender THAT LOOK while you do it.. buwahahaha

Momma Fargo said...

This is really inappropriate to say, but I've been saying for many years that pussies get a lot of people in trouble.

On the other hand...did they have to put all 14 of the guns you carry on your person in lockdown?

Actually...that sucks. I think those are dumb tickets also. I also want you to know YOU ARE THE COOLEST FRIEND EVER!

Allenspark Lodge said...

Eye God, I love this family. No one gets to throw YOU in front of the bus, because you JUMP in front of it yourself!

Say, is that damn kitten you gave us related to the dog killer? Because it's chasing around our 65 pound German Shepard cross every night...


Shepherd K said...

I am pretty sure that any chance you had of remaining off the cop blogs went out the window the moment you got arrested on a bench warrant for an unpaid cat at large ticket. My I suggest the google search term "one mean pussy" to find all those cops laughing hysterically.

GunDiva said...

@Candance - no :( They even took my ponytail holder way.

@Mrs Mom - That might work with the next idiot who thinks they can mess with me.

@Momma Fargo - Really? I always thought it was their dicks that got them in trouble.

@Bill - if we tell on ourselves, our sibs will *never* have anything on you. Maybe politicians should learn this trick.

@Shepherd K - Jay laughed his ass off and told me I was going to be on "World's Dumbest Criminals".

Rachel said...

Are you serious? SERIOUS?!? I couldn't even read this with a straight face. SERIOUS?!?!

Head palm.

Vaquerogirl said...

WOW! I gotta check in with you more often!
Tru Story!