Grandma Mary laid down for her final sleeping kitty this morning. Dad went into wake her up this morning at 6 am she wanted to sleep some more, so he left her to sleep in. When he went to wake her again at 9:30 this morning, she'd recently joined Grandpa Moe in Heaven.
While I'm heartbroken that she's not here anymore, I know that the last few months, ever since her stroke, have been really hard on her. She never complained - that wasn't her way - but I know she was frustrated with being wheelchair bound and unable to care for her family; others had to care for her for a change.
Death is always hardest on those left behind. The kids took it as expected: Ashinator lost her mind right off the bat; Digger shored up and shed very few tears (he'll lost his mind at the funeral when it's real - kinda like his mommy); and Monster got angry and shut down. Me? I've been busy rounding up the kids from school, driving to Wyoming to pick up Digger, and dealing with family drama.
I'm not sure when I'll finally let down; for now, I'm at peace with her death. Grandma Mary and I were very close, she often told me that I was like a daugher to her, rather than a granddaughter. That's a hell of a compliment from such an amazing woman.
The thing is, I know how hard it was on her to be dependent on someone else. I know how much she hated not being able to go about her daily routine and to have the physical therapist come and torture her every day. And I know how much she missed Grandpa Moe every day.
She had a good day yesterday; Dad and my Uncle took her out to lunch, she spent the evening with her kittens on her lap and howling - literally - with the dog. According to Dad, she and the dog had quite the chorus going and then she'd laugh and laugh. When I talked to her yesterday afternoon she was in good spirits and was a jabbermouth. Only, after her stroke, when she got excited she tripped over her words and you had to glean her meaning simply by her tone. Her excitement told me she was having a great day.
So while I'll bawl my eyes out at her funeral and I'll miss her every day, I'm at peace with her passing. She had a great day yesterday and died in her sleep this morning.
I'm okay with that.