Adventures of Ashinator: Bits and Pieces

On our way to go dress shopping, we passed a gelato shop.

I leaned over to RockCrawlinChef and whispered, "We could go get g-e-l-a-t-o when we're done."

I thought I was being stealthy.

From the backseat, I hear, "Mom. I know how to spell."

~~~~~~~~~~

GONNA DO IT GONNA DO IT GONNA DO IT DO IT TO IT!

Let's get to business. Prom.

It. Was. The. BEE'S KNEES.

It started off sketchy because everyone was making me late and then more people showed up to CJ's for the photographer than was actually planned. Not just like one or two more people, like six more people. I was more than frustrated, needless to say. Then we left for dinner, just me and CJ, and everything was wonderful again. Hibachi was delicious, except the dude choppin' and throwin' our food around everywhere threw a shrimp at me (which I don't like anyway) and got a nasty shrimp grease stain on my dress! That bastard! He's lucky I didn't see it until after we left, otherwise he woulda had a spatula up his ass. Word bird.

*TADA*

Now, we're at the dance. And they have goldfish in the center pieces on the tables. Anybody wanna guess where those fish came from? That's right baybay! Man, those goldfish were such a good idea.

Oh anyways, the theme was "An Evening of Fire and Ice: Where Worlds Collide". It was pretty badass.

*TADA*

After Prom. Was sick! Everything was free. EVERYTHING. Free Qdoba, free Inta, free Cane's, free Domino's. It was beautiful. They also had a blowup thing that was a velcro wall, it just goes without saying, that of course CJ and I took part in that particular activity. It wasn't fun, I repeat, IT WAS NOT FUN. Oh, and also, we got a caricature drawn. I looked like Michael Jackson and CJ looked like Spock. I don't know if that's a Mega Win or a Mega Fail.

*TADA*

Back at home by 2:45 am. Passed out by 2:50 am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sorry I didn't write a post last Friday, I had food poisoning. All I wanted was Jello (of the strawberry flavor). That's the only thing (hah) I asked for. (That's a damn lie). Nobody could seem to find any Jello at the store. I was all better by Saturday, guess what I found in the fridge on Sunday? GOSH DARNED STRAWBERRY JELLO. I seriously considered crying, but instead I ate three cups of it and called it good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last night, I made the adult decision to go to CJ's mom's house and hear her out and forgive her. It turned out alright, I don't fully trust her...or even like her that much. But in order to make me and CJ stronger I needed to forgive her. It was the only way to fix our relationship.

I've said all I've got to say for this week.

Thank you and that will be all.

Signed-THE BIG BOPPER.

(That's right, I'm back from the dead, along with my boy Tupac)

Reason 1,458,932 Why I Love Colorado!

Spring Snow!

Photo credit: http://z.about.com/d/cameras/1/0/M/4/springsnow.jpg

I love spring snow.

I know, I know, everyone's sick of snow.

But the best thing about spring snow in Colorado

Is that it will be gone tomorrow (or this afternoon).

It never gets really cold with spring snows,

And, most importantly, the more moisture we get

The fewer forest fires we'll get

Which means

Safer mountain riding for me!

Update: 11:13am and the three inches of heavy, wet white stuff is G-O-N-E!
I LOVE Colorado!

Another Resolution Check-in!

So, I sort of met Resolution #2 by sending my query for TALES into the publisher on March 4 (they received it on March 9 - I cyber-stalked).  My goal was to get TALES sent off by the end of January, but that just didn't happen.  I am thrilled that I did summon the cajones to actually write the query and send off the query and sample pages.

Now it looks like I'm going to meet my Resolution #4, the one where I start my Master's degree by the May mod, which starts May 10th.  Just because it's free doesn't mean that I don't have a million hoops to jump through, including hoops from HR.  Today, my Executive Director had to fill out personnel evaluation to make sure I was worthy of the degree.  Hey, I'm not complaining, it sure beats taking a GRE to get into grad school.

I'm super excited and scared to death.  I'm going to have to take Biostatistics, which I all but failed in college.  I'm not quite sure how on earth I (barely) passed it to begin with.  The thought of taking a graduate-level Biostats class terrifies me.  Once I'm through with that, it'll be all go (or so I keep telling myself).

The only problem with going to school is that I see it potentially cutting into my blog time, but since I don't get paid to blog, I suppose I can sacrifice a little.  But I'm not really going any where, just slowing down (maybe).

True Story Tuesday: A Close Shave

Rachel and Mr. Daddy may not allow me to join in their weekly fun after this post, so be sure to click on over to them and check out all of the other TSTs.  This post may offend those with delicate sensibilities - consider yourself warned.

A Close Shave

I once worked for a Urologist (you know, a d*ck doctor).  Every Friday, we'd do vasectomies, so that the men would be able to lay around the house and do nothing all weekend.  Really. Doctor's orders.  No lifting anything heavier than five pounds, no yard work, no picking up the kids, nothing that would increase abdominal pressure and cause potential bleeding into the, uh, area that had just been surgically altered.  My job as the d*ck doctor's MA was to escort the patient back to the room, make sure the instruments were out, and escort the patient back out to the waiting room.  The doc was very self-sufficient and didn't require my assistance at all.  Hey, I wasn't complaining.

I moved on from my job at the Urologist to working for a family practice.  The doc I was assigned to was not necessarily a pleasure to work with.  And that may be an understatement.  He assumed (and you know what that means), since I'd worked for a d*ck doc, that I'd assisted in vasectomies.  I had not. 

We had a vasectomy scheduled on, believe it or not, my birthday.  The doc briefed me on what he wanted laid out on his surgical tray, asked me a couple of questions about how my former doctor had performed his vasectomies (which I knew from observing one) and sent me to get the patient.  I roomed the patient, instructed him to strip from the waist down and gave him a drape to cover himself with.  I went back out to tell the doc that his patient was ready and the doc asked if I'd prepped the patient. 

First miscommunication.  I had prepped the patient just like I did for the d*ck doc.  The new doc went in, got the consent form signed and came back out with more instructions, "Do a surgical prep from knees to navel and don't forget to shave."

Hmmm...I knew that my old doc had shaved a very small area on the scrotum, but that's it.  I knew for a fact that he didn't shave his patients from knees to navel.  I certainly didn't have to do the shaving and I was a bit nervous.  I took a deep breath, went back into the procedure room and told the patient I was going to have to shave him and prep the area.  Thank Lord I did have practice working with half-naked men from my previous job, so I was able to maintain a straight face when I was telling the patient was I was going to have to do.

I took another deep breath, gloved up and set to shaving.  The patient and his wife questioned the extensive shave job and I admitted that I'd never been asked to shave a patient so thoroughly before, but that each doctor has their own way of doing things.  About ten minutes into my prep, the doc came into the room to see what was taking so long, the patient was scheduled right before lunch and my long prep time was running us late.

Imagine my embarrassment when the doc came into the room and clarified his instructions. The surgical prep was to be from knees to navel, the shaving - not so much.

Happy freaking birthday to me.

9Health Fair

I've been talking up the 9HealthFair on my blog for two years now.  As I was posting my videos on YouTube, it dawned on me that there might be some other videos up, so I searched it.  I found a short (five minute or so) video on the history of the 9Health Fair.  When I viewed it, I got an extra bonus - at 31 seconds, there's a still photo of me working it way back in college.  This was taken in 1997, the year I got divorced (I've been with the Fair for a long time).

2010 Fort Collins 9HF

Finally!

The 9HealthFair is over.  Don't get me wrong, I love it.  I love preparing for the Health Fair, I love working the Health Fair and I love it when it's over.  Usually, the Fort Collins Fair serves approximately 2,500 people over two days.  This year, our numbers were down, which was a disappointment to me.  We only served about 1,800 people.  This is the first year we haven't hit 2,000 people.

I would have thought with the economy in the toilet the way it is, that more people would have taken advantage of the free screenings.  Even our blood draws were offered at cost: the Blood Chemistry Screening is valued at about $800 and we only charge $30; the Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) usually runs around $200 and we only charged $25.  Seriously, thanks to Quest Diagnostics, we offer the lowest-priced blood tests around.  Everything else - skin cancer screening, oral cancer screening, bone density, digital rectal exams, testicular and breast exams - all free.  So, why, when the majority of the nation is struggling, were we down almost seven hundred people?  It makes no sense to me (unless, of course, everyone's waiting for their *free* healthcare from Obama).

Despite being disappointed, we did still serve 1,800 people and that's a whole lot more than if we didn't have the 9HealthFair.  And I'm so unbelievably proud of my students - they were amazing! The people in the blue scrubs are my students.  There was another school there in black t-shirts, and they brought almost 100 volunteers.  I only took 50 - it's easier to keep control of smaller groups and make sure they're acting professionally.  For some of my students this is the first "grown up" job they've had and the professional behavior is completely different from any of the throw away jobs they've had in the past.

Blood Pressure

Phlebotomy

Three of my grads who now help run the Fair: PeeWee, Roo, and Ria

The Calm Before The Storm

Tomorrow is our big 9HealthFair.

Tonight, we wait.

The site is set up: all forty-four phlebotomy stations are stocked and ready to go; the twenty-four blood pressure stations are lined up like soldiers awaiting the fight; the twelve sixteen-head centrifuges are laying dormant on their tables waiting for the chaos to begin in fourteen hours.

The other stations, which we don't staff, are standing ready for the onslaught of participants tomorrow morning.  We're planning on between 1,500 and 1,800 participants tomorrow alone.  Saturday, believe it or not, will be our slow day; we'll only do between 1,200 and 1,500.

I can't wait.

Bring it.