Tuesday, April 27, 2010

True Story Tuesday: A Close Shave

Rachel and Mr. Daddy may not allow me to join in their weekly fun after this post, so be sure to click on over to them and check out all of the other TSTs.  This post may offend those with delicate sensibilities - consider yourself warned.

A Close Shave

I once worked for a Urologist (you know, a d*ck doctor).  Every Friday, we'd do vasectomies, so that the men would be able to lay around the house and do nothing all weekend.  Really. Doctor's orders.  No lifting anything heavier than five pounds, no yard work, no picking up the kids, nothing that would increase abdominal pressure and cause potential bleeding into the, uh, area that had just been surgically altered.  My job as the d*ck doctor's MA was to escort the patient back to the room, make sure the instruments were out, and escort the patient back out to the waiting room.  The doc was very self-sufficient and didn't require my assistance at all.  Hey, I wasn't complaining.

I moved on from my job at the Urologist to working for a family practice.  The doc I was assigned to was not necessarily a pleasure to work with.  And that may be an understatement.  He assumed (and you know what that means), since I'd worked for a d*ck doc, that I'd assisted in vasectomies.  I had not. 

We had a vasectomy scheduled on, believe it or not, my birthday.  The doc briefed me on what he wanted laid out on his surgical tray, asked me a couple of questions about how my former doctor had performed his vasectomies (which I knew from observing one) and sent me to get the patient.  I roomed the patient, instructed him to strip from the waist down and gave him a drape to cover himself with.  I went back out to tell the doc that his patient was ready and the doc asked if I'd prepped the patient. 

First miscommunication.  I had prepped the patient just like I did for the d*ck doc.  The new doc went in, got the consent form signed and came back out with more instructions, "Do a surgical prep from knees to navel and don't forget to shave."

Hmmm...I knew that my old doc had shaved a very small area on the scrotum, but that's it.  I knew for a fact that he didn't shave his patients from knees to navel.  I certainly didn't have to do the shaving and I was a bit nervous.  I took a deep breath, went back into the procedure room and told the patient I was going to have to shave him and prep the area.  Thank Lord I did have practice working with half-naked men from my previous job, so I was able to maintain a straight face when I was telling the patient was I was going to have to do.

I took another deep breath, gloved up and set to shaving.  The patient and his wife questioned the extensive shave job and I admitted that I'd never been asked to shave a patient so thoroughly before, but that each doctor has their own way of doing things.  About ten minutes into my prep, the doc came into the room to see what was taking so long, the patient was scheduled right before lunch and my long prep time was running us late.

Imagine my embarrassment when the doc came into the room and clarified his instructions. The surgical prep was to be from knees to navel, the shaving - not so much.

Happy freaking birthday to me.


passionofthemom said...

LOL Don't worry, I would have done the same...he really should have been more clear!! =)

Aunt Crazy said...

OMG i just spit oatmeal all over my damn cubicle...LMFAO

Mr. Daddy said...

LOL At least you didn't have to wax it.....ROFL
That was a great TST

Brandi said...

LMAO!!!! OMW, I CANNOT even imagine!

Stacy, with no E said...

omg I can't imagine what the WIFE was thinking ... hahaha, that's hilarious.

Mrs Mom said...

Oh. My.

I have no words, aside to agree with Mr Daddy on the waxing ;)

The things you will never, ever forget huh?

Rachel said...

How come I feel like starting every comment on your blog with "No way?!"!?

I was already cringing at the thought of the close quarters with a stranger's genitalia - this just made me giggle in a very junion-high-ish way.

Sorry... it was definitely good blog fodder!

Thanks for linking up! :)

Michelle Hoad said...

Lord, woman, I couldn't have even shaved the small part, I can't believe you actually shaved half a man. I wouldn't want to touch his junk. I'm just saying.

Mommy Lisa said...

WOW. just wow.

Linda Medrano said...

OMG! This is hysterical. And the tale the patient will have to tell about the razor happy nurse! LOL! I love it!

Tiffany said...

Oh my heck! I cannot even imagine! And Mr. Daddy - really? Wax is just evil! That is too funny GunDiva. Wrong, but funny!

Leiah said...

When I'm able to stop laughing, I'll try to remember to come back and leave you a comment. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Taylorvillegirl said...

HA! That's so funny! I can't imagine what that poor guy was thinking. If he is half as hairy as MB, you really had your work cut out for you!

GunDiva said...

Oh, and I can't believe I forgot this part!!!

The doc had me set out a large rubber band. I had no idea what it was for, until I had to assist. The doc made a slip-knot out of the rubber band and slipped over the head of the guy's penis and then ran a piece of tape through the other end of the rubber band and taped it to the guy's stomach to keep it out of the way.

So I guess it was good that I shaved so thoroughly - can you imagine pulling tape off of the happy trail?

I so can't believe I forgot that part of the story!

Foursons said...

Oh my gosh, I am NOT going to let my hubby read this post. I desperately want him to go in for one of these and he's being a big ol' baby about it!

The miscommunication is hilarious, what was the patient and his wife's reaction? hahaha

No kidding- word verification is "visce" :D