Tuesday, July 19, 2011

What I Learned This Week

  • The cure for hiccups, courtesy RockCrawlinChef: go poop.  The hypothesis being that the, uh, fecal matter is backing up in the colon and pressing on the diaphragm causing the hiccups. Of course, that only works if you're full of shit (and apparently he was, 'cause it worked).
  • Flatlanders can't drive in the mountains.  Here's a little tip: rarely are brakes required when driving uphill.  Usually gravity will help with the slowing of the vehicle if you just take your foot of the skinny pedal.
  • Popping a piece of Polar Ice gum into your mouth immediately after eating spicy chicharrones is a Bad Idea.  You will immediately regret it.  Trust me on this.
  • I'll do pretty much anything for $20 an hour.  This includes getting up at the butt-crack of dawn (4:30 am) to go work as a phlebotomist for four hours before reporting to work at my real job.  Luckily, it's only for three days.  Unluckily, it's for a health fair at Campus Crusade for Christ.  How is that unlucky, you ask?  I have a mouth that could embarrass a sailor.  I can keep it under control when working with patients by merely thinking what I want to say outloud.  Only, being surrounded by so many super-religous people, I feel guilty even thinking bad words.
  • Studies have actually been done that show that cursing decreases pain levels, lowers blood pressure and helps to reduce stress.  Do you have any idea what kind of pressure I'm going to be under after three days of no stress reduction?  Like a pressure cooker, I have to be able to vent some steam or I'll blow.  I'd be scared, but I've got some sessions scheduled with El Poquito Diablo.  He's pretty good about withstanding my venting.
  • Birthday calories do, in fact, add up and count on the scale.  Damn it.

4 comments:

Allenspark Lodge said...

No cursing? Fornicate that feces. Just give 'um an medical upgrade.

Allenspark Lodge said...

Oh- last comment was mine, not Juanitas...

Bill

Rachel said...

Love that Beel came back to clarify... because I sure can't picture your mom saying either one of those "f" words, ha!

And what's your gen-u-ine medical take on RCC's theory???

Meh, some of us "super religious" people are just pretty normal with a gratitude kick :)

Michelle Hoad said...

hmmm, i wonder if that's why my blood pressure is so great. I will regularly test this hypothesis.