Thursday, February 10, 2011

And My Li'l Heart Went Pitter-Pat


PitterPat pitterpat




I have this pesky little dysrhythmia called paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia (PSVT), which basically means that I've got a little bundle of traitorous nerves somewhere above the ventricles (supraventricular) who just lie in wait for take over the Cardiac Kingdom.  I supplement the forces of the Cardiac Kingdom with a little white pill called Knight BetaBlocker.

For the most part, Knight BetaBlocker and I are pretty good friends.  I am not always a good Queen for the Cardiac Kingdom, in that I don't always utilize Knight BetaBlocker.  However, when I work out, I always call for reinforcements.  On days that I work out, Knight BetaBlocker and I are friends.  I never forget him on days when I know I'm going to purposely be raising the heart rate of the Cardiac Kingdom, for the Evil PSVT is always lurking, the sneaky opportunist.

Evil PSVT loves to use Cardiac Kingdom's elevated heart rate as a Trojan Horse, he hides out in the elevated heart rate until the time is right for him to strike.  Knight BetaBlocker is a good Knight and thwarts most efforts of the Evil PSVT.  Sometimes, however, Evil PSVT manages to sneak past Knight BetaBlocker's defenses.

And sometimes Queen GunDiva of the Cardiac Kingdom does something to inadvertently - and oh so innocently - undermine Knight BetaBlocker's strong defenses, as was the case on Tuesday.  Queen GunDiva, in looking out for the good of her fellow man, decided to donate a pint of blood, roughly 480 grams of the stuff.  Good for her fellow man, bad for the Cardiac Kingdom.

On Wednesday, Queen GunDiva diligently recruited the efforts of Knight BetaBlocker, knowing that she was going to be working out and thus elevating the Cardiac Kingdom's heart rate and forgetting that she may have accidentally - and oh so innocently - undermined Knight BetaBlocker's defenses.

Tragedy struck!  Cardiac Kingdom's heart rate elevated as planned, Evil PSVT rode the Trojan Horse to the gate and slipped beneath Knight BetaBlocker's weakened defenses.  Evil PSVT knocked out the Cardiac Kingdom's trusty AV Node and took over pacing of the heart.  The Cardiac Kingdom went on a wild ride; first breaking 160 beats per minute and galloping rapidly toward 180 beats per minute.  In no time, Evil PSVT had reached 180 beats per minute and continued on toward 200 beats per minute.

The poor Cardiac Kingdom was exhausted and struggled to keep up with the driving task-master, Evil PSVT.  Queen GunDiva became short of breath, developed a "tickle" in her throat, felt nauseus and started seeing stars.  She tried valiently to help Knight BetaBlocker by performing the Valsalva Maneuver and Carotid Massage, but to no avail.

Finally, with the help of her personal trainer, she was able to sit, take big gulps of air and control the Evil PSVT until Knight BetaBlocker could overtake the traitor.

And she learned an important lesson: Sometimes donating blood for the greater good requires more rest than Queen GunDiva gave herself and the Cardiac Kingdom.


Mrs Mom said...

Damn. Just... damn.

Dont do that.

Finding Pam said...

That is scary. My mother had tacyacardia and her heart would go beseark. I hope you rest up and feel better soon.

Jennifer said...

My goodness, gracious, golly geez...
(and a lotta four letter naughty words, too)

Good thing I read this *after* PT day 1. Otherwise, I'd be terrified to move....
I will keep taking my medicine, ma'am.. I promise, double promise.

Yikes! No more blood donations for me... and the Blood Bank wonders why I keep declining when they call... Oi!

Hope you're feeling better...

Beth Zimmerman said...

Wow! That was fascinating and I am so glad that the Knight, and the personal trainer, were able to help the Queen recover! :) And while the greater good thanks you ... please be more careful! We need our regular doses of Diva wisdom!

Rachel said...

With all due respect Your Royal Highness... *knock that off*

Scary stuff!

Allenspark Lodge said...

She's not real good at listenin' to Mama when coming to high altitude, either. You guys help me out this summer. With all due respect, I would like to keep the GunDiva around a little longer, myself, for purely selfish reasons.

GunDiva said...

And Queen GunDiva and her Cardiac Kingdom went on to finish their workout and lived happily ever after. said...

holy crudole GunDiva! That is quite a fairy tale!

you are one brave woman. That sounds like quite a nightmare, but you took it in stride...and completed your workout to boot!

oh, you made me laugh so hard with the 1/2 priced candy. I am soooo jealous :)

Anonymous said...

Makes your FB status updates make so much more sense now!