Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Things I've Learned

I worked in medicine a long time and along the way have stock piled some tips and tricks that might make your lives a little bit easier.  This is just a quick list of things that popped into my head.

So, here we go...
  • When you have to do hemoccult cards, it is easiest to wipe and then use the sticky-thingy to scrape a sample off of the TP and put it on the card.
  • However, if you must collect stool samples (always a joy), drape the back half of the toilet with Seran Wrap, do your thing, pour off any errant pee (there's always some) and collect your, um, bounty.  Then roll the left overs off of the Seran Wrap and flush it.  Wash your hands.  Thoroughly.  Twice.  Really.  You've just played with your own poop.
  • To collect stool samples on babies, find the cheapest plastic diapers you can find and put them on the baby inside out.  This does not work with those "cloth-like" diapers.
  • Ladies - if you're ever prescribed antibiotics, eat yogurt every day to prevent yeast infections.  It doesn't have to be that over-priced Activia; the live cultures are what makes yogurt, well, yogurt.  Buy the cheap stuff on sale.  This also works for kids who are on antibiotics to prevent upset stomachs and diarrhea.
  • Guys - if the unspeakable happens and you end up on Viagra, be sure to take it with Tylenol.  It will prevent the headache.  'Cause let's be honest, "Honey, I've got a headache" is the woman's line.
  • Liquid antacid, such as Maalox, is most excellent for diaper rash.  Just put it on a cotton ball and wipe it on.  It neutralizes the pee 'n poop, coats the skin, and is a whole lot easier to wipe off at diaper change time than any of the diaper rash ointments.  (Wish I'd known about this when Digger ate a whole ton of green chili as a toddler and ended up with acid burns on his little butt.)
  • Full strength hydrogen peroxide is God's gift for blood removal.  Just pour on the blood and watch it disappear.  (Wonder if Luminol will still find the blood if it's removed with peroxide?)
  • Original Tampax, cut into thirds, work wonders on nose bleeds.  Just shove a piece into the bleeding nose; the expansion of the tampon puts pressure on the bleeding and controls it.  While we're on nose bleeds, don't tip your head back.  The blood will drain down your throat and make you nauseous.
And here's a big one:
Every. Single. Pharmaceutical house has a patient assistance program.
They've always had them; it's like the biggest, best kept secret in medicine.  If you can't afford your daily meds, search their website or have your doctor's Medical Assistant get you the patient assistance application.  Takes about ten minutes to fill out, attach a prescription from your doctor and send it in.  They will send you a three month's supply of meds for a small price (most of the time, it's free, but some have a sliding fee scale).  It's good for a year, so every three months you'll open your mailbox to find a little gift from your friendly drug company.

Thank You Very Much GregoryJ.
Because of you, I've had to enable comment moderation.
Because one person can't play nice,
the rest of my friends have to jump through an unnecessary hoop.
Go ahead, put another notch on your "Victory" page.
It'll be the last from me.


K. Erickson said...

GunDiva, enjoyed the post, but I have one question about the previous comment: where did THAT come from?

Dual Mom said...

These are great tips! Must keep in mind for whenever the need arises to collect my poo.

Jennifer said...

But GD.. If we learn how to take care of ourselves,
Then we won't need the new magic healthcare plan!!! =)

GunDiva said...

K - I have no idea, but because of him, I've had to enable comment moderation. Which kind of makes me sad. What the filth-spewer obviously doesn't know is that my daddy was a firefighter and I, myself, have worked with the fire department for ten years. On another note, I can guarantee that he's been nowhere near my hoo-ha, so he doesn't know if it's dirty and stinky or not. Asshat.
DM - You know, should you ever have to collect your poop, I'm here for you with the easiest way to do it :)
Jennifer - you're right.

Allenspark Lodge said...

"a quick list of things that popped into my head."

Ya know, I can say with some certainty that almost NONE of those things have ever popped into my head.

Yankee Girl said...

These are great tips. Especially the poo collection one. I have the little collection cups sitting on my counter and I have been putting it off for weeks. I know, probably TMI, but that is just what I do.

I learned about the hydrogen peroxide thing when working with animals. No one believes me when I tell them it is like magic!

And Gregory J can suck it. And what was with the peace sign on his page today? Really?

Mad Woman said...

Ugh...he got you too did he? What an ass.

These were great tips..most of which I hope to not have to use. Blech.

Aunt Crazy said...

hmmm...I obviously missed something with the whole Gregory J thing but whatever, if you think he's a jackass, then I think he's a jackass.

The list is helpful but I can't help it, I did laugh at some of them...cuz I'm a 6 yr old boy that just heard someone say FART...hahahaha

GunDiva said...

I've got lots of other little tips from working in medicine; they just don't all come to me when I'm writing a post. My students have heard them all, I'm sure, and could pass them on, but they just magically disappear when I sit down to type.

Michelle Pixie said...

Loved these tips! I discovered the peroxide thanks to Feather having a horrible, horrible nose bleed during the night and instead of getting me she grabbed a tissue and just went back to sleep and we had blood EVERYWHERE! I will definitely have to remember the tampon trick. ;-)