Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Post I've Been Avoiding

And I'm still just sitting here with my fingers hovering over the keyboard...

Okay, the grandma thing.

Yeah.  Not ready for it.

Digger moved home from Wyoming a few weeks ago to find a job, get enrolled in school, and find an apartment for him and Cowgirl.  He had a sound plan.  RCC and I were okay with it.

A week after he moved home, Cowgirl told him he was going to be a daddy.  Scared the bejeezus out of me.  He's my first born (read: my baby).  Now, I know they already had long-term plans, but this really speeds things up. 

Hell, I was just getting used to the idea that any girl he dated could potentially be a DIL.  I was 18 when I got married, and I was thanking my lucky stars that at 19, he wasn't looking like he was going to follow in my footsteps.

I'm apparently very old fashioned in my thinking.  I was worried about a DIL, not grandchildren.  Now I'm getting both - and at a much younger age than I had anticipated.  I had hoped that my kids would wait until they were older to get married and have children of their own.  Afterall, didn't they remember how hard it was when they were growing up?

There is something to be said about having kids young, I'll agree with that.  I mean, I had three by the time I was 23.  My body bounced back after each pregnancy and I had the energy to chase after three kids and work three jobs.  But the three jobs were the problem - who wants to do that when they've got little 'uns at home?  I had no choice - I was married to an alcoholic who drank more than I made.  I did college at the same time - took six years to get my bachelor degree.  Who would choose to do that?

Being a young parent is hard, but it does have its benefits - I'll never deny that.

But there's something to be said about waiting, too.  Being settled in a career, having a reliable income.  Figuring out who you are as a person.  All bonuses.

I never expected my kids to wait until their 30s to have kids of their own, but I had hoped they'd wait until they were at least 25 so they'd have time to do "kid" things - college (the "traditional" way), travel, lousy jobs.

On one hand, I'm cautiously optimistic about being a grandma.  On the other hand, though, my heart's breaking for Digger and Cowgirl.  They're excited and they both have good heads on their shoulders, but it's going to be a long hard road.  I know that it's pessimistic of me, but our life didn't start coming together until just three years ago - I had hoped my kids would have an easier road than that.

RCC, however, is *thrilled*.  He's excited about being a grandpa and is already planning on spoiling the baby rotten.  He's a good balance to my consternation.  It's no wonder I love that man.


Mr. Daddy said...

"A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn." ~Author Unknown

Life has a unique way of turning out in spite of ourselves....:o)

you will totally rock the Grandma thing...

just saying...

Rachel said...

Listen to Mr. Daddy... the grandparent thing is something you cannot change - so just enjoy the ride. He's right, you'll rock it.

And if you think THAT is a wee bit crazy, try becoming a PARENT again after you're a GRANDPARENT, ha! ;)

Mrs. Mom said...

Life's journey is different for all of us- I'm betting Digger and Cowgirl will have a good one. They have you, RCC, Bill and Bionic Cowgirl to look up to- can you ask for better? Look at all that combined life experience to draw on!

They'll be OK. And so will you ;)

Jennifer said...


On the flipside, I'm in my 30s, still not married, and no children. I made that "wait until I'm financially set" decision.

Some days, it's great. Other days, it feels like it's never going to happen, and I made the wrong decision, and wish I'd done like you and Digger. =(

If you wait for life to be perfect to add a child, you'll wait forever, IMO.

Allenspark Lodge said...

I think I'm OK with this great-grandma idea...and how many kids get a 'bionic cowgirl' as a great grandmother? Besides, this kid's mom is a former barrel racer and the other grandparents seem to have multiple horses, so the baby will definitely be teething on bits!

Daddy Hawk said...

I musta missed somethin' 'cause I stiil haven't figgered out how this is all Mr. Daddy's fault (yes, I typed it that way on annoys The Queen).

Seriously, I sincerely hope things work out for the best for all concerned...especially the kid to be. But, if at any point the subject of giving said child up for adoption arises, please let The Queen and I know.

GunDiva said...

Shepherd K - it's Mr. Daddy's fault because he jinxed me - he's been calling me Granny for months. I did broach the subject of adoption with Digger, but he's not willing because of his disease. He doesn't want his child to grow up in a household that doesn't have experience with his disease, and I can respect that. It's a horrible thing to have to live with and I agree that it would be hard for adoptive parents to "get it" - even with an open adoption.

Unknown said...

Wow. I was all set on what I was going to say, but then I read your reply back to Shepherd K. Your son has an incredibly mature head on his shoulders. To take into account and fight for the best possible scenario for this baby takes a strong man. You & RCC have done right by your kids. Digger will make an awesome daddy. And I have it on good authority from my mom that being a grandma is the best thing EVER!

GunDiva said...

They're both good kids. I'm impressed with Cowgirl, though I've only met her a couple of times.

Vaquerogirl said...

Lots of good comments here Diva! You can't choose your kids lives for them ( or I would have chosen better for mine weather they liked it or not!) But they have a good foundations, great role models and hardships make for good character.
Being a granny is the best reason in the world to have kids anyway!

Anonymous said...

Kitty is 16 now and has had a serious boyfriend for the last 8 months. Like you, I fear she'll follow in my footsteps. I don't seem to be capable of wrapping my head around being a grandma any time soon.

But, if things were to change, I hope I can think about this with as much grace as you've shown in your writing.

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's pessimistic. I think it's realistic. Either way, it sounds like he's got the support of his family and that's nothing to take lightly!

Aunt Crazy said...

I had my kids young and it was so hard in some ways and so rewarding in others. Personally, I want my kids to have an easier time, just like you. I want them to live life without having to be responsible for anyone but themselves, even for short time, I want them to experience college. I want them to do things we didn't do.

Sadly, they will do what they want to do, not what we want them to do.

You're going to be an awesome granny!!! Enjoy every moment of it because you can't change it now.