365 Days

365 days ago I had gotten home from work and was in the midst of cutting pomegranates to remove the seeds when the phone rang. I glanced at it, but my hands were covered in sticky, red pomegranate juice. It was a number from Grand Junction, but not one I recognized. I decided that if it was important, they'd leave a message and went back to working on seeding my pomegranates. A voicemail popped up, and so I decided to quickly finish what I was doing and listen to the voicemail.

I don't remember the person's name who left the message, but she did mention that she had my mother in the emergency room at the hospital. I ruefully shook my head and wondered what Mom did this time. As far as I knew, she wasn't near any horses for another bionic-installation. I called back, ready to talk to Mom and laugh about whatever catastrophe had befallen her. It never occurred to me to wonder why Bill hadn't been the one to call - he's usually the one to keep us up-to-date on Mom's shenanigans.

I knew that Mom and Bill were on their way back from visiting Deejo in Phoenix, and expected them home that day, but didn't think much about it. They're experienced road trippers and had made the trip multiple times.

When I reached the nurse, she was very nice when she told me that my parents had been in a car accident and that she had Mom with her. Car accident? They happened all the time, surely it was just a fender bender and Mom was just letting me know that their trip home would be delayed. As the nurse continued talking, I realized that this wasn't a simple fender bender. This was a real-deal bad accident. She listed Mom's injuries: brain bleed, collapsed lung, flail chest, fractured mandible . . . the list went on and on. I don't panic, but I was definitely concerned and getting more so as she listed Mom's injuries. I figured when she was done, she'd move on to Bill's injuries. Instead, she said that Mom wanted to talk to me. I sighed a breath of relief - Mom's list of injuries was significant, but she was still with it enough to want to talk.

I tried to lighten the mood a bit when she handed over the phone, I don't remember what kind of joke I cracked, probably something about Mom being bionic enough, that she didn't need more. Her first words were, "Honey, we lost Bill."

I couldn't breathe. I must have made some sort of noise, because Jay looked up from his place on the couch and asked what was wrong.

Mom continued, "we were outside of Moab and a car ran right through us and threw us into the ditch. We rolled a couple of times. I must have lost consciousness because I came to when some bystanders were trying to pull me out of the car."

I mouthed to Jay that Bill had been killed in a car accident, and my mind immediately went into problem-solving mode. Mom said some more things, but my brain was stuck on 'we lost Bill'. I asked her if she wanted me to tell my sibs, and told her I was going to throw some clothes in a bag, grab Nebalee, and be there as fast as we could.

I completely forgot that I was supposed to be taking care of L.E.'s critters while she was on vacation to see her kids. I completely forgot that I was supposed to be at work the next morning. The only thing that mattered was getting to Mom as fast as I could. I called Nebalee, told her what happened and let her know I'd be there shortly to pick her up. There was never a question as to whether or not she was going with me.

Luckily, Jay said he'd take over critter duty, and I stopped long enough to text my supervisor that I'd be gone the rest of the week. Nebalee made the calls to the boys (Deejo and Junior) and let her kids know while I drove to her house. After I got there, she drove while I notified my kids. All I could think of was that when our Grandpa Ed died, Mom and Bill had the decency to come pick us up from school and tell us in person, while I was shirking that duty. I had to break my kids' hearts over the phone and couldn't be with them, but I needed to get to Mom.

I have amazing kids who completely understood, even though it sucked all around that we couldn't be together.

As we were traveling along I-70 to Grand Junction, I got a call from Sgt. Charlie Taylor from the Utah Highway Patrol. He'd been the responding trooper and was calling to offer his condolences. He wanted to make sure we knew that Reba had been found and that she was okay other than a broken leg. Honestly, I'd just assumed an accident bad enough to kill Bill had also killed Reba, and hadn't wanted to ask Mom about her. He said that he had Reba with him at the office and that she could stay overnight until we had a chance to see Mom. 

By the time we arrived at the hospital, Mom had been moved to ICU. It was a shock to see her lying in a bed, with a too-big cervical collar on. But if you've ever met our Mom, you know she's a force of nature. She might have had a list of injuries as long as my arm, and was black and blue, but she still looked like the force of nature she is. I could breathe when I saw her - I knew we weren't going to lose her too.

She was able to tell us what happened, and in the midst of this tragedy, there were a lot of "God things" happening. They were driving on Highway 191 just north of Wilson's Arch outside of Moab in the middle of a bright, sunny day. There weren't any other cars on the road, and Bill was doing about 70. I think Mom was reading, but she heard Bill say, "oh shit", and saw a black blur out of the corner of her eye, then they were hit on the driver's side rear fender. Their car was literally launched into the air, and when they landed, a tire caught on the soft shoulder and they flipped on the diagonal a couple of times.

Mom said she must have lost consciousness, because she came to as people were dragging her from the car. She knew she was hurt badly and thought she'd collapsed a lung. She consciously worked to control her breathing and fight away the panic. Lucky for her, two paramedics had been the ones to stop to help. One had recently retired from another state, and the other was off-duty. The recently retired paramedic managed to find cell service (it's notoriously bad in that area) and request a helicopter for Mom.

At this point, she knew Bill was gone. I'm certain she knew the exact moment he died. No one told her, but she did see bystanders pull him out of the car and begin CPR. Her breathing was getting harder, and the paramedics consulted between them. The off-duty one had the equipment and knowledge to perform a needle decompression right there in the field. I credit the two of them with saving Mom's life. The helicopter was twenty minutes out, and I can't imagine the horror of slowly losing the ability to breathe over that time frame.

When the helicopter landed, they immediately loaded her and off she went, without the chance to tell Bill goodbye. At that point, she also didn't know what happened to Reba, so she told her human "angels" to look for her. The recently retired paramedic stayed at the accident site with several other bystanders looking for Reba. After the helicopter took off, Reba poked her head out from between two cars and allowed herself to be caught. Since Reba can't talk, we can only assume that she was thrown out a window, and clear of the accident, from the impact.

By the time we arrived at the hospital and assured ourselves that Mom was going to be okay, it was very early in the morning, so we left Mom in the ICU staff's capable hands and headed to a hotel to catch some sleep.

The days after the accident are both a blur and crystal clear. I'll get to them within the next few days.

~~~

These past 365 days have been HARD. There are far more good days than bad (for me at least), but that doesn't make it any less hard. Perhaps the worst thing, even worse than losing the man who raised me, has been watching Mom go through such unimaginable heartbreak so bravely. She and Bill were inseparable, so not only is she having to heal physically, but she's having to do it without her other half.