Stalking: The Gift that Keeps Giving

Last night, I had a nightmare about my stalker for the first time in over a decade. I thought I had written about my stalker in previous blog posts, way back in the beginning of my blog, but I couldn't find a specific post. It's more likely that I just made mention here and there in other posts.

My children refer to it as the period of time in which we were "hunted", which directly lead to the title of my book, Hunted Lyon. I thought I'd done a good job of hiding the stalking from the kids, but obviously failed.

My stalker was, as is most common, someone I knew and had had an intimate relationship with shortly after my divorce. We'd been friends and coworkers for a few years prior to the divorce. And, no, he was not the cause of the divorce, my ex-husband's alcoholism was, but he was the rebound. A much older rebound. Ugh. Such a dumb move on my part.

Anywhoozle, while he never physically harmed me, he did a job with PsyOps, and physically destroying my property. It started with the slashing of my tires. At the time, he played it off as the hero, that he'd come over to visit and just happened to find that all four of my tires on my minivan had been slashed. I bought it, hook, line, and sinker at the time, because we were still 'together' (I use that term very loosely). He was going determined to transition from working in healthcare to an executive protection specialist, and was taking classes through Executive Security International in Aspen. At the time, the courses were basically correspondence courses. Once all of the courses were complete, then students went to Aspen for a week-long 'resident training' for the practical application of what they'd studied. 

He had grand aspirations of the two of us opening our own business, and, in fact, had already started the S-corp, but insisted on putting everything in my name. At the time, I thought he was just trying to help me out as a newly single mother. As the primary business partner, he wanted me to do the classes 'with' him, even though I wasn't enrolled as a student. I read all the assigned reading, I did all the assignments. At the time, I was also a full-time university student carrying 16-18 credits a semester. But I found the ESI coursework interesting and blew through all of it quickly. He'd look over my 'assignments', make suggestions for improvement, as though he was the instructor. I was such a naive idiot and didn't realize that he was taking my work and submitting it as his own. 'His' work was good enough to earn him top grades in every class.

What does his earning his Executive Protection certificate from ESI have to do with his stalking? Everything. Because I'd 'taken' the courses 'with' him, it became a game of cat-and-mouse. After we broke up, and I told him I no longer wanted to see/talk to him, the stalking started in earnest.

Just a few examples of his actions:

• Took my dog out of our backyard when we were gone, then went to my neighbor's house and told her that my dog had been running free and he'd clipped my dog with his car. My neighbor was horrified, checked Jake over, and put him back in our yard. Jake had never escaped the yard prior to that, so when she told me he got out and got clipped, I knew something was amiss. Jake was also very protective of us and would never have allowed a stranger who supposedly hit him with a car close enough to catch him. I didn't have my phone number/address on Jake's tag, only his name, and his rabies tag on his collar. Only someone who knew Jake, and knew where we lived, could have done it. The shitty thing was, that I'd never told him that we'd even moved, much less where. This was before social media, so it was much harder to track people down.
• Trapped us in a drive-thru at McDonald's on the highway. I didn't recognize the car he was driving, and when he pulled off the highway behind us and into the McDonald's drive-thru, I didn't think anything of it - that particular location is incredibly convenient and busy at all times. When he parked in the line behind us and got out, I started telling the person taking our order to call the police. Multiple times. He approached, and I told him again that I didn't want to see or talk to him and that I'd asked for the police to be called. I had my gun with me, but it was in my soccer bag in the trunk of the car, where it did absolutely no good. I did realize, in that moment, that I could absolutely shoot someone who threatened me and my kids, and I'd do it with a clear conscience.
• Showed up at my door with his kick-me dog, trying to be cute and telling me that his stupid dog missed his 'mama'. By that time, I'd been to the police to seek a restraining order, despite my feelings about them. I didn't have enough evidence to obtain one. Of course I didn't, he'd never put hands on me, and I couldn't prove anything. The officer working the desk when I went to ask for a restraining order (who, ironically, knew both of us) told me to write a cease and desist letter and the next time he showed up, to give it to him. I handed him the letter, informed him of what it was, and told him the next time he showed up, I'd shoot him with the gun he bought me.

After I gave him the cease and desist, I never physically saw him again, though he wasn't out of my life completely. Before the kids and I moved from the duplex in which the whole thing began, but after I'd broken up with him, I got a call from the FBI. He'd been in Texas and caught their attention. He tried using our 'business' (that never really got up and running) as justification for whatever he'd been arrested for, so of course they called the business owner. I let them know that the business had been dissolved and we'd gone our separate ways, that he owed me a good chunk of money, and that last I'd heard he'd moved to Texas. The were pretty tight-lipped, but asked me to call them if he contacted me. Absofuckinglutely, I'd call them. 

A couple of weeks later, a check with a CD that he'd burned arrived. Not the full amount that he owed me, about half, but the minute I opened the check I was on the phone to the FBI. It felt a lot like hush money. Like he knew they'd eventually contact me and he wanted to be in my good graces when they did. Fucker. They took the CD and told me to deposit the check. If it cleared, it was mine since he owed it to me, but thanks for letting them know.

After we'd moved, to our new place, and I realized he was back in town and knew where we lived, I contacted ESI. I don't know much about how they do business now, but back then, if you were a graduate, and a client needed to hire someone, they would recommend one of their grads. I couldn't fathom allowing them to recommend him to anyone. When I called and spoke to the director, I laid everything out. He listened quietly, then told me that they were aware of his actions (probably from the FBI) and had blacklisted him, that they wouldn't even acknowledge him as a graduate.

The kids and I moved again, and I began to let down my guard. Over the years, I could feel when he'd been lurking about, but never again laid eyes on him. After a couple of years without feeling him around, I relaxed and allowed myself to believe it was over.

And it was.

Then, Nebalee (who also had her own stalker) asked if I ever Googled him to see what he was up to. I never had. I was happy to have the whole incident behind me. She cajoled me into doing a quick Google search, and my heart leapt for joy when I found he'd been dead for years. I can't find the newspaper obit, but he died alone in Canon City (the city, not the prison), with no one to claim his body. He had family, a brother, sister, and two daughters who had been no contact with him since before we met. That should have been a clue, but of course his story was that their mother kept them away from him. Oh my God, I believed anything that came out of that man's mouth. LOL.

And that brings us back to: WHY THE HELL DID I HAVE A NIGHTMARE ABOUT HIM? AND WHY NOW? He's been out of our lives for a long time, and dead since 2011.

Stupid brain, digging up old traumas.