Not only does Christine consider herself an agent of Karma, she has also appointed herself Chief of Food Consumption.
The day after I rushed her through her meal, I offered to run and pick up lunch for my co-workers. Deejo had warned me that ordering through a drive-thru could be ... challenging. I assumed the challenge was because Christine is so low-slung. I mean, at five-foot tall, I have to climb down into her. In Salome, I'm pretty level with the drive-thru windows, so I mentally prepared myself to have to reach UP to the drive-thru windows.
I placed my order and drove to the first window to pay. Yep, had to extend my arm almost all the way up to hand my card to the cashier. No problem, I'd planned for that and pulled as close to the building as possible so that I could reach up to the window. I was mentally patting myself on the back for navigating the "challenge" of going through the drive-thru.
At the next window, they passed my sodas down to me and I got them settled into the cup holders. I reached up for the bag of food, grabbed it, and tried to bring it in through the window.
Christine said, "nope".
Like with the laundry, I thought I'd angle the bag and give it another go.
Christine said, "nope".
I panicked slightly, and went to open the door, so I could reach around the door and bring the food in through the door. Except that I'd pulled in so close to the building that I couldn't open the door without dinging up Christine.
Remembering that we solved our laundry lesson by removing some of the clothes, I took part of the order out of the bag and set it on the passenger seat, then tried again.
Christine said, "nice try, fatso. Nope."
Christine showed me I hadn't fully learned my lesson and refused to allow me to pass the bag of food in through the window again. So I took more of the order out of the bag and set it on the passenger seat. We repeated this over and over until just one item remained in the bag, at which time, she graciously allowed me to bring the bag into the car.
I'm certain the people in the car behind me were laughing their asses off watching me struggle. I mean, if the roles were reversed, I would have been laughing right along with them.
I quickly put all of the removed food back into the bag and drove back to work, alternatively cussing at Christine for being a pain in my ass and trying to explain to her that all of that food wasn't just for me.
She didn't care.
Lesson learned, you Chief of Food Consumption bitch.
Showing posts with label diet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diet. Show all posts
Monday, January 15, 2018
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Just A Little Rant
Once Upon A Time, some people pissed GunDiva off ...
At the beginning of the year, I posted about the 28 day FAST Metabolism Diet. Y'all know I *hate* numbers, right? So I'm still refusing to engage with them. After our first round with the diet and the numbers (I did lose some inches, BTW), I decided I still hated the numbers and if I was going to repeat the 28 days I was going to do it because it is good for me, not because of some numbers on a scale.
People at work have noticed my drastic change in diet - I haven't tried to hide it - and I'm a lot better about not joining in on the impromptu "let's go to lunch" stuff.
One of my well-meaning, but probably orthorexic, colleagues told me a few weeks ago, "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." I call bullshit. I've been skinny. You know what it feels like? Guilt. It feels like fucking guilt. Every missed work out, every bite of "forbidden" food equals Guilt. That is no way to live a life.
I've been skinny and I've been fat, and I'll tell you what: I'm much happier living my life now than when I was skinny. Did I look better on the outside? Yep. Did I like the way I looked in pictures? Yep. Was it worth it? Even just a couple of years ago when I was working out like a beast with The Little Bastard? Maybe, at the time I thought it was worth it. Now? No way.
Just last week, as I was shoveling down my salad, I mentioned that I was being really good with my diet because I had a cheat day planned. A different co-worker piped up and said, "how on earth to plan on losing any weight if you schedule cheat days?".
Um, excuse me, but just because I'm fat, do NOT assume that I'm trying to lose weight. I'm eating cleaner because it makes me feel better. I could not give a flying fuck what the scale says. I lived my life by the scale for far too long and I'm not going to chain myself to it any longer.
And yet another co-worker, when he noticed me eating my salad and drinking my ONE Coke for the day, told me he'd rather see me eating the greasy cheeseburger and fries that my other co-workers were eating instead of drinking that "poison". The one thing I refuse to give up, and I've said it for years, is my Coke. It's not going to happen so people need to back the fuck off about it. I have very few vices, other than my foul mouth and my love for Coke. I don't smoke, rarely drink, and don't do drugs. Look, dude, I know you're a personal trainer, but you're not *my* personal trainer and unless I'm getting drunk or shooting up at work, what I put into my body is none of your business.
What I would really love is for the people at work to stop assuming I'm eating healthier to lose weight. And I really wish they'd keep their damned opinions and comments to themselves. God forbid I do something like work out - I can only imagine the "help" I'd get then. I do plan on being more active as the weather continues to warm up, though I won't call it "working out". My whole goal is to be healthy enough to do what I want to do. If I want to go for a hike, by God I'm going to go for a hike. If I want to take Skeeter for a walk, I'm going to take Skeeter for a walk. But I don't need my armchair quarterback co-workers being "helpful". I need them to shut the fuck up and mind their own business.
The End.
At the beginning of the year, I posted about the 28 day FAST Metabolism Diet. Y'all know I *hate* numbers, right? So I'm still refusing to engage with them. After our first round with the diet and the numbers (I did lose some inches, BTW), I decided I still hated the numbers and if I was going to repeat the 28 days I was going to do it because it is good for me, not because of some numbers on a scale.
People at work have noticed my drastic change in diet - I haven't tried to hide it - and I'm a lot better about not joining in on the impromptu "let's go to lunch" stuff.
One of my well-meaning, but probably orthorexic, colleagues told me a few weeks ago, "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." I call bullshit. I've been skinny. You know what it feels like? Guilt. It feels like fucking guilt. Every missed work out, every bite of "forbidden" food equals Guilt. That is no way to live a life.
I've been skinny and I've been fat, and I'll tell you what: I'm much happier living my life now than when I was skinny. Did I look better on the outside? Yep. Did I like the way I looked in pictures? Yep. Was it worth it? Even just a couple of years ago when I was working out like a beast with The Little Bastard? Maybe, at the time I thought it was worth it. Now? No way.
Just last week, as I was shoveling down my salad, I mentioned that I was being really good with my diet because I had a cheat day planned. A different co-worker piped up and said, "how on earth to plan on losing any weight if you schedule cheat days?".
Um, excuse me, but just because I'm fat, do NOT assume that I'm trying to lose weight. I'm eating cleaner because it makes me feel better. I could not give a flying fuck what the scale says. I lived my life by the scale for far too long and I'm not going to chain myself to it any longer.
And yet another co-worker, when he noticed me eating my salad and drinking my ONE Coke for the day, told me he'd rather see me eating the greasy cheeseburger and fries that my other co-workers were eating instead of drinking that "poison". The one thing I refuse to give up, and I've said it for years, is my Coke. It's not going to happen so people need to back the fuck off about it. I have very few vices, other than my foul mouth and my love for Coke. I don't smoke, rarely drink, and don't do drugs. Look, dude, I know you're a personal trainer, but you're not *my* personal trainer and unless I'm getting drunk or shooting up at work, what I put into my body is none of your business.
What I would really love is for the people at work to stop assuming I'm eating healthier to lose weight. And I really wish they'd keep their damned opinions and comments to themselves. God forbid I do something like work out - I can only imagine the "help" I'd get then. I do plan on being more active as the weather continues to warm up, though I won't call it "working out". My whole goal is to be healthy enough to do what I want to do. If I want to go for a hike, by God I'm going to go for a hike. If I want to take Skeeter for a walk, I'm going to take Skeeter for a walk. But I don't need my armchair quarterback co-workers being "helpful". I need them to shut the fuck up and mind their own business.
The End.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Back to the Damn Numbers
Last week, I was ending my year with no numbers. I loved the lack of stress associated with not dwelling on numbers. However, there were a couple of numbers my doctor was worried about. Namely, my liver function and my hemoglobin A1c. I did my six-week re-draw of my liver function and it's all good. We have no idea why it was so out-of-whack, but it was at that one moment in time. Now, it's well within the normal ranges (at the moment in time that it was drawn).
My hemoglobin A1c is high normal, but I'm an obese, middle-aged, half-Mexican female, which greatly increases my risk of diabetes. Blah. The one surefire way to lower my A1c is to change the way I eat. Hence the fucking numbers game again.
Jay and I started the FAST Metabolism Diet last week. I was super excited to do it - the recipes all sounded yummy and there was the promise of a lot of loss very quickly as our metabolism got sorted out again. It started out pretty well. We both had low-grade headaches for days as our body adjusted to no sugar, no caffeine, no anything good. We gutted through.
The brown rice recipe at the end of day two made me sick. The smell of it nauseated me and it was all I could do to get some of it down. When I make brown rice, I make it with water, rice, some salt and that's it. Her recipe called for garlic, onion, celery, veggie stock, carrots, and oh yeah, some brown rice. Her proportions on the recipe were wrong, so we ended up with brown rice soup. (1/2 c brown rice to 4 c veggie broth? Even my non-chef ass knew that was cattywompus.) The chicken and broccoli that was supposed to go with the "brown rice" was excellent, but I didn't get my serving of grain down that day because I literally could not stomach it.
Phase 2, which is Wed/Thurs and primarily lean proteins, no fruits/grains, was hard for me to get through. We had received an amazing fruit basket for Christmas and we had piles of fruit just begging to be eaten. Thursday was a day we had to go into town and our "eat every three hours" wasn't going to work unless we stopped to eat or brown bagged a lot of stuff. We "cheated" and went to Qdoba - we left off all the "bad stuff" and had the food on our approved list. Mostly. We did not opt for a naked burrito, so we broke the rules by having a tortilla (gluten is verboten on this diet) and brown rice (also verboten during this phase of the diet). By Thursday, we both still had headaches and had a fuck it all attitude. Amazingly, after we ate food that our bodies were used to, our headaches went away.
It was in Phase 2 that we started altering the recipes to fit us better. One night we had green chili rubbed steak with asparagus. Loved it. The next night, we had cajun chicken with asparagus. Both had "approved" ingredients and both were foods our body could handle.
Phase 3 is the least restrictive of the diet and we have done okay with that. We can eat all the fruit, veggies, grains, protein we want. Since we eat 35 meals per week on this plan, we had a cheat night last night at the hockey game and went all out. We had nachos and fresh donuts and a soda each. Jay had a chili dog (I stole a bite of it - to die for). We figured one out of thirty-five wasn't too bad.
I woke up feeling like a million bucks this morning. Jay did not. He had acid reflux really bad in the middle of the night and his gut was not happy at all. His gut flora has already adapted to the new diet, while mine has been slower to adapt.
I cannot express to you how much I hate, hate, hate living my life in three-hour increments. The biggest complaint in all of the reviews I read of this diet was the cost involved. I absolutely agree. We've spent a lot of money on foods that we normally don't eat, so it's like restocking the pantry all over again. The recipes provided sound amazing, but the spice combinations are just too much. My stomach can't handle them.
I was absolutely ready to throw this diet out the window, but then we did our measurements today. We took initial measurements at: neck, R arm, waist, hips, R thigh, and R calf. Today, we repeated them and we've both lost some combined inches. We've lost just enough to do this torture again for one more week.
We are going to adapt the recipes to our tastes and keep some gluten- and dairy-containing foods in our diet because we don't want to alter our gut flora as drastically as this diet would do. Just one or two meals out of our thirty-five, we'll feed our happy bacteria food instead of going on probios.
If I were to rate this diet, right now it would be a three-star diet. We have seen some improvement, but the financial and emotional cost is barely worth it.
The worst part is I'm back to the fucking numbers and the stress associated with them.
My hemoglobin A1c is high normal, but I'm an obese, middle-aged, half-Mexican female, which greatly increases my risk of diabetes. Blah. The one surefire way to lower my A1c is to change the way I eat. Hence the fucking numbers game again.
Jay and I started the FAST Metabolism Diet last week. I was super excited to do it - the recipes all sounded yummy and there was the promise of a lot of loss very quickly as our metabolism got sorted out again. It started out pretty well. We both had low-grade headaches for days as our body adjusted to no sugar, no caffeine, no anything good. We gutted through.
The brown rice recipe at the end of day two made me sick. The smell of it nauseated me and it was all I could do to get some of it down. When I make brown rice, I make it with water, rice, some salt and that's it. Her recipe called for garlic, onion, celery, veggie stock, carrots, and oh yeah, some brown rice. Her proportions on the recipe were wrong, so we ended up with brown rice soup. (1/2 c brown rice to 4 c veggie broth? Even my non-chef ass knew that was cattywompus.) The chicken and broccoli that was supposed to go with the "brown rice" was excellent, but I didn't get my serving of grain down that day because I literally could not stomach it.
Phase 2, which is Wed/Thurs and primarily lean proteins, no fruits/grains, was hard for me to get through. We had received an amazing fruit basket for Christmas and we had piles of fruit just begging to be eaten. Thursday was a day we had to go into town and our "eat every three hours" wasn't going to work unless we stopped to eat or brown bagged a lot of stuff. We "cheated" and went to Qdoba - we left off all the "bad stuff" and had the food on our approved list. Mostly. We did not opt for a naked burrito, so we broke the rules by having a tortilla (gluten is verboten on this diet) and brown rice (also verboten during this phase of the diet). By Thursday, we both still had headaches and had a fuck it all attitude. Amazingly, after we ate food that our bodies were used to, our headaches went away.
It was in Phase 2 that we started altering the recipes to fit us better. One night we had green chili rubbed steak with asparagus. Loved it. The next night, we had cajun chicken with asparagus. Both had "approved" ingredients and both were foods our body could handle.
Phase 3 is the least restrictive of the diet and we have done okay with that. We can eat all the fruit, veggies, grains, protein we want. Since we eat 35 meals per week on this plan, we had a cheat night last night at the hockey game and went all out. We had nachos and fresh donuts and a soda each. Jay had a chili dog (I stole a bite of it - to die for). We figured one out of thirty-five wasn't too bad.
I woke up feeling like a million bucks this morning. Jay did not. He had acid reflux really bad in the middle of the night and his gut was not happy at all. His gut flora has already adapted to the new diet, while mine has been slower to adapt.
I cannot express to you how much I hate, hate, hate living my life in three-hour increments. The biggest complaint in all of the reviews I read of this diet was the cost involved. I absolutely agree. We've spent a lot of money on foods that we normally don't eat, so it's like restocking the pantry all over again. The recipes provided sound amazing, but the spice combinations are just too much. My stomach can't handle them.
I was absolutely ready to throw this diet out the window, but then we did our measurements today. We took initial measurements at: neck, R arm, waist, hips, R thigh, and R calf. Today, we repeated them and we've both lost some combined inches. We've lost just enough to do this torture again for one more week.
We are going to adapt the recipes to our tastes and keep some gluten- and dairy-containing foods in our diet because we don't want to alter our gut flora as drastically as this diet would do. Just one or two meals out of our thirty-five, we'll feed our happy bacteria food instead of going on probios.
If I were to rate this diet, right now it would be a three-star diet. We have seen some improvement, but the financial and emotional cost is barely worth it.
The worst part is I'm back to the fucking numbers and the stress associated with them.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
The Year of No Numbers
At the beginning of 2014, I decided that I wasn't going to pay any attention to numbers, especially numbers concerned with my weight/health. For the past few years, my life has revolved around calories, reps, and pounds and I was over it. I decided that I wasn't going to do a damn thing other than live my life - as long as I was healthy enough to do what I wanted to do - I wasn't going to give numbers a second thought. I even gave away my BodyBugg, so I wasn't tied to calories burned/steps taken/etc.
I walked a 5K because I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to. Nebalee walked with me, but the thought of "no numbers" about made her crazy. I didn't care about my time, as long as I finished.
I spent a few weeks doing Les Mills' Body Pump with a friend of mine. Again, because I wanted to. It made me feel good to complete the workout. Then summer came and I got Skeeter. My exercise became working with her. Ten minutes here and there.
Stacking hay - talk about functional fitness - you can't get that kind of workout in a gym.
I ate and drank what I wanted, when I wanted. You know what I found? I can no longer tolerate greasy burgers. 5 Guys used to be my favorite burger joint on the planet. I can't even get one down now without feeling sick. I go for days without a Coke, and those of you who know me, know I refuse to give up my Coke. It's pretty amazing when you feel like nothing is off-limits, how easy it is to "choose wisely".
It's been a surprisingly peaceful year, not worrying about how many calories I'm stuffing in my face or stressing out about how much weight I've lost (or not). As the year ends, I'm down about four pounds over the beginning of the year (I know this because the doctor still weighs me).
Mentally, I'm much more relaxed.
Physically, I'm kind of a mess. My liver enzymes are out of whack, my LDL is elevated, and I'm tired of being a cream puff. There has to be some sort of middle ground.
2015 is all about finding the middle ground.
The fact is I do need to lose weight and I do need to engage in exercise (other than just playing with the horses), but is there a way to do it without turning into a calorie-counting bitch? Without all of the guilt that goes along with knowing I shouldn't eat this and I should do that?
My doctor recommended The Fast Metabolism Diet. I trust my doctor implicitly; I used to be her medical assistant, so we've built a stronger-than-usual patient/doctor relationship. She believes in the diet and uses it herself for weight maintenance, so I felt good about her recommendation.
I took the time to read the book, and what I read has me excited to give it a go. It's all about "re-setting" your metabolism. It explains why calories in/calories out doesn't work for everyone. I've lost and gained weight a lot since my thirties and my metabolism doesn't have a clue what to do, so it stores everything as fat. So much of what is in the book makes sense that I wonder why I never figured it out for myself.
Jay and I are going to start the "diet" tomorrow. I hate to call it a diet considering there is so much food involved, and it's all good, "real" food. I'll have to re-join the numbers game for a bit (no calorie counting, though!), just the measuring tape once a week to see progress and maybe an occasional scale, but I'm not going to focus on the numbers. I've had a year of no numbers training under my belt, I think I can ignore them as needed.
Here's an example of what our first week of the "diet" will look like:
Monday
Morning snack: watermelon slices with lime and chili powder
Breakfast: steel-cut oatmeal with berries
Lunch: chicken, apple, and spinach salad
Afternoon snack: veggies and dip
Dinner: pork tenderloin with broccoli and pineapple
Tuesday
Morning snack: fruit (probably pomegranate - yum)
Breakfast: steel-cut oatmeal with berries
Lunch: turkey, bean, and kale soup
Afternoon snack: veggies and dip (or more fruit)
Dinner: Chicken and broccoli bowl
Wednesday
Morning snack: jicama with lime and chili powder
Breakfast: Spanish egg white scramble
Lunch: steak and spinach salad
Afternoon snack: deli meat wrap
Dinner: baked cinnamon-mustard chicken and lemon garlic spinach
Thursday
Morning snack: jicama with lime and chili powder
Breakfast: turkey bacon with celery (sounds weird, I know, but I'm willing to try it)
Lunch: steak and asparagus wrap
Afternoon snack: deli meat wrap
Dinner: southwestern beef and cabbage soup
Friday
Morning snack: berry smoothie
Breakfast: berry nutty oatmeal
Lunch: 3 egg salad
Afternoon snack: raw nuts
Dinner: avocado chili
Saturday
Morning snack: berry smoothie
Breakfast: B&B toast
Lunch: avocado/turkey lettuce wrap
Afternoon snack: raw nuts
Dinner: sesame chicken stir-fry
Sunday
Morning snack: berries
Breakfast: B&B toast
Lunch: lentil stew
Afternoon snack: raw nuts
Dinner: Rosemary pork roast with sweet potato
Apparently, we have to eat within 30 minutes of waking, which is why our morning snack and breakfast are flipped. We get up, feed the horses, get ready for work and leave all in a 30 minute time-frame, so there's no way we'd make breakfast. Snack first, breakfast at work. The other major key (besides not eating anything processed) is to eat every three to four hours as long as you're awake to keep your metabolism cranking along.
There are things that we "can't" eat, but it's only for 28 days. You can do pretty much anything for 28 days, right?
I walked a 5K because I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to. Nebalee walked with me, but the thought of "no numbers" about made her crazy. I didn't care about my time, as long as I finished.
I spent a few weeks doing Les Mills' Body Pump with a friend of mine. Again, because I wanted to. It made me feel good to complete the workout. Then summer came and I got Skeeter. My exercise became working with her. Ten minutes here and there.
Stacking hay - talk about functional fitness - you can't get that kind of workout in a gym.
I ate and drank what I wanted, when I wanted. You know what I found? I can no longer tolerate greasy burgers. 5 Guys used to be my favorite burger joint on the planet. I can't even get one down now without feeling sick. I go for days without a Coke, and those of you who know me, know I refuse to give up my Coke. It's pretty amazing when you feel like nothing is off-limits, how easy it is to "choose wisely".
It's been a surprisingly peaceful year, not worrying about how many calories I'm stuffing in my face or stressing out about how much weight I've lost (or not). As the year ends, I'm down about four pounds over the beginning of the year (I know this because the doctor still weighs me).
Mentally, I'm much more relaxed.
Physically, I'm kind of a mess. My liver enzymes are out of whack, my LDL is elevated, and I'm tired of being a cream puff. There has to be some sort of middle ground.
2015 is all about finding the middle ground.
The fact is I do need to lose weight and I do need to engage in exercise (other than just playing with the horses), but is there a way to do it without turning into a calorie-counting bitch? Without all of the guilt that goes along with knowing I shouldn't eat this and I should do that?
My doctor recommended The Fast Metabolism Diet. I trust my doctor implicitly; I used to be her medical assistant, so we've built a stronger-than-usual patient/doctor relationship. She believes in the diet and uses it herself for weight maintenance, so I felt good about her recommendation.
I took the time to read the book, and what I read has me excited to give it a go. It's all about "re-setting" your metabolism. It explains why calories in/calories out doesn't work for everyone. I've lost and gained weight a lot since my thirties and my metabolism doesn't have a clue what to do, so it stores everything as fat. So much of what is in the book makes sense that I wonder why I never figured it out for myself.
Jay and I are going to start the "diet" tomorrow. I hate to call it a diet considering there is so much food involved, and it's all good, "real" food. I'll have to re-join the numbers game for a bit (no calorie counting, though!), just the measuring tape once a week to see progress and maybe an occasional scale, but I'm not going to focus on the numbers. I've had a year of no numbers training under my belt, I think I can ignore them as needed.
Here's an example of what our first week of the "diet" will look like:
Monday
Morning snack: watermelon slices with lime and chili powder
Breakfast: steel-cut oatmeal with berries
Lunch: chicken, apple, and spinach salad
Afternoon snack: veggies and dip
Dinner: pork tenderloin with broccoli and pineapple
Tuesday
Morning snack: fruit (probably pomegranate - yum)
Breakfast: steel-cut oatmeal with berries
Lunch: turkey, bean, and kale soup
Afternoon snack: veggies and dip (or more fruit)
Dinner: Chicken and broccoli bowl
Wednesday
Morning snack: jicama with lime and chili powder
Breakfast: Spanish egg white scramble
Lunch: steak and spinach salad
Afternoon snack: deli meat wrap
Dinner: baked cinnamon-mustard chicken and lemon garlic spinach
Thursday
Morning snack: jicama with lime and chili powder
Breakfast: turkey bacon with celery (sounds weird, I know, but I'm willing to try it)
Lunch: steak and asparagus wrap
Afternoon snack: deli meat wrap
Dinner: southwestern beef and cabbage soup
Friday
Morning snack: berry smoothie
Breakfast: berry nutty oatmeal
Lunch: 3 egg salad
Afternoon snack: raw nuts
Dinner: avocado chili
Saturday
Morning snack: berry smoothie
Breakfast: B&B toast
Lunch: avocado/turkey lettuce wrap
Afternoon snack: raw nuts
Dinner: sesame chicken stir-fry
Sunday
Morning snack: berries
Breakfast: B&B toast
Lunch: lentil stew
Afternoon snack: raw nuts
Dinner: Rosemary pork roast with sweet potato
Apparently, we have to eat within 30 minutes of waking, which is why our morning snack and breakfast are flipped. We get up, feed the horses, get ready for work and leave all in a 30 minute time-frame, so there's no way we'd make breakfast. Snack first, breakfast at work. The other major key (besides not eating anything processed) is to eat every three to four hours as long as you're awake to keep your metabolism cranking along.
There are things that we "can't" eat, but it's only for 28 days. You can do pretty much anything for 28 days, right?
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