The Text I Hoped I'd Never Send

Friday, Jay sends me this text: "Are you on your way home?"

And, sadly, I had to answer: "Got arrested.  Just bonded out."

I'll let that sink in a little bit...

~

 

~

 

~

 

~

 

~

Had time to digest that?

I.

Got.

Arrested.

It sucked.  Lots and lots.

You see, my youngest, Monster, has a bit of a substance abuse problem and got picked up for possession of marijuana and paraphernalia.  Since he's a minor, the cops took him to "the hub" and chose to ticket and release.  So he called me to come pick him up.

Only, you remember when my cat beat up the neighbor's pretend dog?

yahoo images
Only, I couldn't find a picture of a cat beating up a Shih Tzu,
probably because they're not real dogs and don't show up in the
cat vs. dog image search

Well, I kind of got ticketed for that.  Apparently, it's illegal for cats to be "at large" in the city limits.

It's a dumb fucking ticket.

Well my court date came around and I couldn't get the time off of work (yes, I know my employer is *supposed* to give me time off for court, but there wasn't anyone qualified to cover my class), so I called the court.  They said it would be okay for me to just mail in the fine.  So I asked how much it was and I was told that I'd be notified by mail.

Three days later, I received a bench warrant.  Notified by mail, alright.  Bastards.

I work with an attorney who said it would be just a matter of a phone call to have my bench warrant removed as long as I was willing to pay my fine.  Because it's a dumb fucking ticket.  But my attorney friend has a bit of an attention problem.  So for the last year, I've been trying to get him to make that stupid phone call so I can pay my fine.

Anyway, I got called into the hub to meet the popo who had my son.  And they wanted ID.  And I knew I was sunk.

All I could think about was Momma Fargo's stories and I was bound and determined not to end up on my arresting officer's blog.  I was not going to be a dumb shit.  Well, I wasn't going to be more of a dumb shit than I already was.

What I learned from my experience:

• those bracelets aren't actually very pretty
• nor are they comfortable
• anyone not fun-sized must have to be shoe-horned into the back of a police car
• sitting in the booking area is a lot like sitting in the DMV, only better, because at least there's a TV in the cop shop
• but being surrounded by tweakers and creepers isn't very fun
• even the fuzz thinks that a ticket for a "cat at large" is a bullshit thing to be arrested for
• it sucks and I don't want to ever go through it again, so I'll be taking the day off of work, whether or not I can get a sub, to attend my court date.