Parenting in the Movie Theater

My sister and her husband also attending the movie last night with their toddler and how they handled her made a big difference in the movie-going experience.  For Stupid B!tch from last night, I offer my sister's guide for taking a child to the movie theater in three easy steps:

1. Don't pay full price for a kids ticket!  You won't see the movie anyway.
2. Pre-planning will ensure that you sit at the edge of the aisle so that you can get up and leave if your toddler gets loud or restless.
3. Leave - take your child to the hallway, outside of the theater - if he or she gets restless.  You can do it with a minimum of fuss if you just follow rule number 2.

If those three easy steps don't sound appealing to you, I offer up two words: Benadryl. suckers.  Let the little one take a snooze while the rest of the adults enjoy the movie.

My husband was seated in front of a child last night who initially started kicking the back of his seat.  You could maybe take notes from this kid's mom as well.  When this kid's mom saw what he was doing she leaned over and told him, in a stage whisper loud enough for Jay to hear it, "you keep your feet off that chair."  She said it with enough menace for the kid to believe it and for Jay to believe that if it happened again, someone was going to go to the bathroom for an butt whoopin'.  The kid stopped.  Jay was happy.

Dear Stupid B!tch, A Movie Rant

Dear Stupid B!tch,
I know that you and your lovely husband waited until later in life to have a child.  Though I would have thought with your advanced age, you might have learned a thing or two about movie etiquette and small children.  I'm thrilled that you think that your daughter is about the cutest, most precocious child on the planet. I really am.  Every child should have parents who think the sun rises and sets on their every move.  For a while, that is.


However, I am not thrilled that you thought it was a good idea to drag your toddler along to a grown-up movie.  I'm not talking the X-rated kind, but the kind that carries a PG-13 rating that kind of implies that toddlers shouldn't attend.


I'm also not thrilled that you insisted on repeating everything that your toddler said as though she was the smartest child on the planet (I'm sure you think she is, anyway).  Truly, it was bad enough hearing your toddler babble, but a grown woman repeating the babble... Well, let's just say it took all of my will power not to shove your precocious child down your throat.


Be thankful that James Cameron created such an amazing movie that I was able to (mostly) block out you and your child's incessant babbling, otherwise you'd still be belching up whatever was in your precocious baby's diaper after I crammed her down your throat.


Next time, hire a sitter.  Really, it's worth the investment.


Sincerely,
Homicidal Mom Who Was Smart Enough To Leave Her Children At Home


P.S.  I didn't find out until later that I'd inadvertently pissed you off by saving my seat, but I'm glad I did.  Just wish I'd known it sooner.
P.P.S.  If you were dumb enough to pay full price for a toddler, you deserved to lose her seat; she would have ended up sitting on your lap anyway.  And who honestly pays full price for a toddler? (Sorry, just can't get past that one).

Estee's Temper Tantrum

Had a great ride today, but had to have a Come-To-Jesus meeting with little Miss Estes. She was being a little brat about staying on the trail, just pushing it a little bit - "Can I walk over here?", "How 'bout over here?", "Really? You want me on the trail?". Finally I'd had enough of her stuck right rudder and decided that if she wanted off of the trail she was going to work for it, so off we stepped and started working (that is, circling at a trot until she came around to my way of thinking). It didn't take too long for her to decide that maybe staying on the trail wasn't so horrible after all, but I could practically hear her cursing me out in her mind: "Fine! I'll stay on the trail, but I'm not going to like it! I'm not going to have fun and you can't make me! Man! You never let me do anything!" Her ears were back and she was stomping along like a sullen teenager - I just wish I had a video camera to catch it. I'm sure that if she'd been able to stick out her bottom lip and pout, she would have done that too.

Just like a teenager, ten minutes later it was over and I managed to not laugh about it until we got back to the lodge, but it was freakin' hilarious!

First "Eye Contact" Anniversary

Who knew that one year ago today when I threw a major temper tantrum that it would change my life?

On February 16, 2008 I was lonely and cranky and cranky about being lonely, so I tucked the Heathi into bed and curled up with my computer to give Cupid.com another try. I was just one more bad profile away from calling quits, swearing off men, and becoming a crazy horse lady. I looked through all of the "new" profiles Cupid had to offer and my foul mood became even more foul; I was rejecting one after another for silly things like poor spelling, grammar, punctuation and pure lechery. I was considering closing up my computer and throwing it through the window, but thought I'd just check another page or two before I completely swore off men. I promised myself I'd send out five "eye contacts" before I gave up, but was having a hard time finding anyone that I would even consider sending one to.

And then popped up RockCrawlinChef. I read his profile. OK, the man can spell, put together a sentence and punctuate. There may have been a typo or two, but I honestly can't remember. So here I was, absolutely thrilled to find a profile of a human male, not a prehistoric male, and he loved to travel.

And shoot.

And read.

What the heck? Did someone make this guy up and why was he still on Cupid? What the hell, off went the eye contact...

RockCrawlinChef 02/16/2008 We might make a great match!

I went through a couple more profiles and sent some generic hey-how-are-ya eye contacts, but couldn't get RockCrawlinChef out of my mind.

Well, there must have been something there since the very next day I received a message from him:

I received your eye contact and am interested in getting to know you better. If it makes it easier you can contact me through my email. So, obviously you are into firearms, I have a couple handguns myself and a 6mm deer rifle I received from my grandfather before he passed away. I just realized I really need to get out more and target practice. I have never done any competitive shooting, but that definitely sounds like fun. Where do you compete at? Is it all types of firearms? I love to travel as well, and would agree with you that Italy is beautiful, I went there in 2006 and visited Venice, Florence, Pisa and Rome. Didn't get a chance to make it over to the Cinque Terre, but will next time I go. I have also been to the Netherlands, Germany and Austria in recent years. My plans for my next vacation will be somewhere more tropical in nature, maybe the Pacific coast of Mexico or South America, not sure yet. Well, as I have said I would like to hear from you, and until then, ciao! RCC

From that day on we communicated via email almost daily and finally agreed to meet on March 22, 2008. The rest, as they say, is history.

I never in a million years would have believed that one temper tantrum would change my entire life...and it has, for the better. Had I not decided to give Cupid just one more try before throwing in the towel, I may have missed out on the true love of my life; the soul-mate I never really believed existed until he appeared on Cupid.com.